Drive
by daylighters
Summary: [Sequel to Troublemaker] Everything changes when you're in high school. That's a lesson your not-so-typical troublemaker and typical good girl had to learn the hard way. Life goes on, but things have the opportunity to change again. They always do. [rucas; markle]
1. Chapter 1

Sixteen years old and it finally felt like I could breathe again. The past few months had been hectic - yet nowhere near as hectic as it had been a couple years ago when everyone was just graduating from middle school. Back then, I thought the biggest problems I would have to face revolved around a certain troublemaker I tried to keep from thinking about anymore. Which was easier said than done, especially when that troublemaker was still one of your closest friends.

School had just been let out for summer vacation yesterday. This was supposed to be one of the greatest experiences of our entire lives - we were high school kids, we were going to officially be juniors in August. We would be kings. But it's harder than I'd like to admit to enjoy the idea of being a king when everything had already fallen to pieces.

I glanced over at my alarm clock. It was currently 9:03 A.M., which inevitably meant that Maya Hart, my best friend, was probably still fast asleep. She made a promise to herself that she would sleep in until at least eleven every morning until we had to go back to school. I wasn't sure if that was going to last for long, especially since her longtime boyfriend was a bit of an early riser, but it made no sense to comment on that. Or remind her how she said those same exact things last year, just to be awoken before nine every single morning. That was the one and only time I thought she was seriously going to murder her boyfriend.

My eyes flitted around my bedroom somewhat mindlessly. If Maya was awake, she would be here by now, which immediately destroyed any motivation to do much of anything. I knew that there were probably a million different things that had to be done, but I couldn't be bothered to bring a single one to mind at the moment. My eyes eventually landed on my sacred bay window, which had barely changed throughout the years. Aside from switching up the curtains and painting the walls so they were varying shades of green instead of blue and purple, everything looked pretty much the same.

I felt a pang of nostalgia over the billions of memories that flashed through my mind before I tore my gaze away from the window. Nowadays, my only frequent visitors were Maya and occasionally Farkle Minkus, her aforementioned boyfriend since eighth grade. Our other friend, Missy Bradford, usually preferred simply using the front door unless it was a real emergency, and as for that troublemaker I mentioned earlier ...

Well, he didn't really come around much anymore.

I exhaled, mentally scolding myself for thinking about him again. I had promised myself that he wouldn't cross my mind unless necessary this summer. And maybe I was becoming a real pro at breaking promises I made to myself, because I slipped up at least twenty times last night alone. It was pathetic, honestly, that after everything he did, he was still the only thing on my mind.

"Knock, knock."

I spun around immediately, stumbling back a couple feet in surprise. It was almost like I had somehow summoned them here with my muddled thoughts. "Them," as in, my best friends. My little group of four.

"How did you guys even get in here?" I hissed, despite the fact that my mild annoyance was already dying out. I glanced between Maya, Farkle, Missy, and Lucas, although my glance towards the last one was rather fleeting. I could practically feel him rolling eyes at me, not that I bothered looking.

Maya laughed, leaning against the door frame. "Your parents let us in. Your dad said he could feel you thinking from down there, so it was perfectly fine if we paid you a little visit. Although he's still skeptical about that one," she added shamelessly, gesturing towards Lucas with her finger.

"Can you blame him?" Missy asked, raising a single eyebrow delicately. "They dated until just two months ago-"

"Okay!" I interrupted loudly, already feeling my face heating up in humiliation. If there was one thing I hated to be reminded of, it was everything that went down a couple months ago. No one knew that better than Maya and Missy, and yet here they were, bringing it up without an ounce of shame. I knew what they were trying to do, but it wasn't going to work. Certain things weren't meant to be, and there was absolutely no way a typical good girl was supposed to be in a steady relationship with your not-so-typical troublemaker. That was something we both had learned the hard way. Though it seemed slightly less difficult for Lucas, but that was another story completely.

Lucas snickered, fleetingly looking around my bedroom. "Are you ever going to change this place up, Riley? It looks the same way it did when you were fourteen."

"I repainted," I mumbled defensively before heaving another quiet sigh before striding over to my bay window, reluctantly plopping down. "So, what is everybody doing here? It must be really important if you guys managed to wake Maya up before eleven."

Farkle chuckled, sitting besides me. "Yeah, that one is sort of my fault."

Maya rolled her eyes, quickly sitting on my other side. "It's completely his fault. Can you believe that my mom and Shawn actually gave him their permission to barge into my bedroom at eight o'clock in the freaking morning? They said he was the only person that could get me up, along with some other sarcastic remarks about earthquakes not being able to wake me."

Missy laughed lightly, sitting besides Farkle and twiddling her thumbs. It was something that she seemed to do a lot. Almost absentmindedly. "Well, I think I can believe it. Has Shawn considered popping the questions yet? I mean, he has been living with you guys for the past year and you can tell he really cares about your mom."

Maya shrugged, leaning the back of her head against the shiny glass of my window. "I dunno. I'm hoping so, but he isn't very talkative about those sorts of things and I don't have mid reading abilities like those vampires you adore, Missy." You could tell by the tone of Maya's voice that she wasn't the hugest fan of Missy's obsession, which was something that always had the two of them bickering with each other. They could go on and on for hours at a time. Sometimes it was amusing, but the majority of the time it was just exhausting.

I cleared my throat awkwardly, breaking into the discussion before it could even begin. "So, what brings you guys here?"

Lucas shrugged, making sure to keep his distance. He appeared to be the outcast of the group, isolated from the rest of us, and I hated how true that honestly was. Ever since things went down two months ago, he had been drifting from the rest of us. Even Maya, who might as well be his younger sister. Maya and Missy couldn't understand what was going on with him, but Farkle and I had a couple guesses we were keeping to ourselves. There was no reason to alarm Missy or Maya with our thoughts that might not even be correct.

"They dragged me along," he told me, pressing his lips together firmly. Of course they did, that shouldn't even be a surprise to me. He never willingly came to visit me anymore. "Truthfully, for some freaky reason I was hoping I could sleep in today."

I pursed my own lips, fiddling with my fingers nervously. "I thought you'd be up bright and early to hang out with Alyssa," I commented, trying to sound nonchalant. The key word there, of course, was "trying." It wasn't like I was ever successful at this sort of thing.

Alyssa Allen was a close friend of Lucas, and his rumored fling. None of us knew for sure - whenever we questioned him about it, he only shrugged us off. We hadn't even attempted asking Alyssa about it. Considering the type of person she was, I assumed she actually would bite our heads up if we brought it up around her. Needless to say, she wasn't exactly the most fantastic person to know.

It wasn't like I was jealous or anything. At least, that wasn't why I was thinking these things. In freshman year, Missy and I had tried being friends with Alyssa, since she had moved here from Maryland. She had been an outsider at first, but still didn't have the time of day for either of us. Missy's popularity had gone down the drain once she finally ditched her old "friends," and I had never been the popular type, so Alyssa ended up blowing us off. Now, she was the leader of the pack of a fairly large group of girls, three of them being the girls from Missy's old clique.

At first, I had assumed that Alyssa had more depth than she was willing to let show. After all, that had been the case with Maya, Lucas, and Missy. But soon enough, I came to the conclusion that she had about as much depth as a blank sheet of paper. She purposefully flunked tests so she could grab the attention of her fellow populars, and knocked anyone in her way down in her rush to reach the top. She had a great family life, with two younger brothers and two loving parents. Her mom stayed at home to take care of everything, while her dad actually worked with Stuart Minkus, Farkle's father. They were kind, selfless people, which is why it had always shocked me why Alyssa was the way she was.

I didn't understand Lucas's abrupt infatuation with her. She didn't exactly seem like his type, but then again, what did I know? The only person he had ever taken an interest in before this was apparently me, and we all saw her terrible that turned out. Maybe he figured it was a good time for a change

And boy, did he change. Sometimes I couldn't help wondering if he really was the same person from Austin, Texas that I had grown to care about so much. Because he couldn't possibly be anymore different now.

Lucas shrugged again, jerking me out of my messy thoughts. "She's spending the weekend with her parents and her brothers."

Surprise, surprise. It was truly a rare occurrence to ever see Lucas with Alyssa at his side, even when we were all hanging out as a group. He had brought her along twice so far, and both times had been total disasters. Maya was obviously not Alyssa's biggest fan and didn't ever try to hide it. In fact, neither did Missy. Farkle and I both tried to feign politeness, but it was easier said than done. We all upset her within the first thirty minutes of our little hang outs, thus causing Lucas to inevitably rush after her.

So. Yeah. We didn't spend time with Lucas half as much as we used to.

"Aw, of course. The little princess has to make time for her family eventually, right?" Maya remarked, her voice tainted with false niceness. Maya was trying the hardest to steer Lucas away from Alyssa, and she could never understand why Farkle, Missy and I were so against her doing so.

If she kept it up, Lucas was going to assume that it was because I was jealous or hurting over his new friendship or relationship or whatever with Alyssa. And that was a can of worms that I was hoping to avoid prying open for the rest of my life, thank you very much.

"Can someone please tell me why you guys are all here? I've asked twice already," I interjected, forcing a weak laugh. Farkle flashed me a knowing look, which I pointedly chose to avoid. There was another thing I was hoping to avoid forever.

Missy smiled. "Well, Lucas and I were talking last night and he mentioned something, which gave me an idea I wanted to share with you guys. So I called in the rest of the troops."

Lucas and Missy were still somewhat close. Although he had pushed her away, too, he was still more likely to talk to her whenever he wasn't obsessing over Alyssa. She was the newest addition to our little group, which kind of explained it. Still, the fact that I hadn't had a decent conversation with him in ages came to mind, which stung way more than I wanted to admit to myself. We were supposed to be friends still, right? Our breakup shouldn't have changed that. So why was he acting like he hated me?

"What's your idea?" I asked quickly, desperate for some kind of distraction from the thoughts running wild through my mind.

"Lucas told me that his mom has been bugging him about visiting her for the past couple weeks," Missy explained, glancing over at Lucas before looking back at Maya, Farkle, and I. "She obviously isn't going to shut up until he actually does visit her, so I was thinking that we could all tag along with him. Kind of like a road trip, but without, you know, the road itself."

Maya raised her eyebrows, seemingly caught off guard. "You're kidding me, right? There's no way I can afford a plane ticket, anyway, and California isn't really my style."

Farkle smiled widely, apparently anticipating this type of reaction from his girlfriend. "I already talked to my dad about it and he said he would be willing to pay for all of our plane tickets. The only catch is that he'll only do it if we all go together."

I paused for a long moment, blinking slowly. Of all the things I had been expecting to hear this morning, this was certainly not one of them. Apparently Lucas and Maya were thinking the same things - we were both completely still, neither of them uttering a single word. "I'm not sure if my mom and dad would actually let me go," I said after a minute, already desperate for some way out of this situation.

I hadn't seen Isabella McGuire, Lucas's mother, since she tried to drag him out to California once we graduated from eighth grade. She never visited her son, and rarely called, so her sudden urge to be in his life and see him again seemed a little strange to me. Then again, what did I know? Maybe his relationship with his mother had somehow improved over the past couple months. It isn't like he would ever tell me. Not anymore.

"I'll convince them," Missy said automatically, grinning. "You know how persistent I can be, Ri. It'll be the easiest thing in the world."

"What are Mom and Shawn?" Maya interrupted, seeming just as eager as I was to get the heck out of this. "They'll never agree to it."

Farkle raised his eyebrows. "Maya, Shawn's been wanting to find some way to get you to travel for months. This is the perfect opportunity, and even if your mom doesn't like the idea at first, you know he'll convince her."

Maya and I exchanged a brief glance, unique expression of horror on each of our faces before reluctantly looking back over at Lucas. "You wouldn't want us tagging along, would you?" I asked him quietly. Right about now would be a great time for him to despise my existence again.

Lucas hesitated before eventually smirking slightly. "Actually, I'd love to have you guys with me. Kind of like moral support, don't you think?"

"So, who's in?" Farkle asked.

I knew that Maya wouldn't be able to resist the hopeful, puppy dog expression on her boyfriend's face. She sighed, mouthing "sorry" at me before nodding a little. "I'm in."

Missy grinned widely. "Awesome! Farkle and I are in, obviously, Lucas pretty much just said that he was in ... so, what do you say, Ri?"

No! I wanted to scream. There's no freaking way in the world I'm in. There's no way you could ever convince me to go to Cali-freaking-fornia to visit my ex-boyfriend's mother who already hates my guts. There's no way I'm even leaving my bedroom until I have to go back to school. And there's definitely no way I'm getting on a plane with Lucas Friar.

Still, I felt like blurting all of that out would be frowned upon. The last thing any of us needed right now was that kind of conflict, anyway.

I exhaled. "Yeah, okay. I'm in."

. . .

 **A/N: I'm baa-aack! Okay, but seriously. You guys inspired me to keep this story going, so here we are! :D I hope you guys liked the first chapter of this story! Thoughts on what might have happened to cause Lucas and Riley to break up? Lucas drifting away from everyone? Alyssa? Anything at all? I love hearing from you guys, so feel free to leave your opinions!**

 **Also, I still don't own Girl Meets World. I vaguely recall going over this forty-four times already.**


	2. Chapter 2

I glanced around the airport, L.A.X, pressing my lips together tightly. It was obviously crowded, and people kept smashing into one another. I stumbled away from two bickering adults who paid zero attention to their surroundings. No one commented on the fact that I nearly smashed into Lucas when I stepped away from the two adults.

"I'm so not a fan of these people," Alyssa grumbled, crossing her arms impatiently.

Because, oh right. Did I forget to mention? Lucas convinced everyone to let Alyssa tag along, even her own parents. Mr. Minkus had been skeptical about purchasing her plane ticket, mostly because he recalled Maya's rants about Alyssa when she was over at the Minkus house, but eventually ended up giving in. The only person who seemed remotely excited about this was Lucas; Even Alyssa was acting like she would rather be twenty feet underground than in Los Angeles, California.

Maya snickered. "I'm so not a fan of you, but you don't see me yelling that," she muttered. Fortunately, Lucas and Alyssa were too caught up in talking to each other to overhear. The absolute last thing I wanted to deal with right now was another version of Fight Night. Especially since it was only three in the afternoon.

"Your mom's going to pick us up, right, Lucas?" Farkle asked, fleetingly looking around the airport. So far, Farkle and Missy had been the only ones with enough courage to at least try to start a conversation with Lucas, despite Alyssa's presence. Maya and I, on the other hand, were perfectly content with only speaking to him when necessary.

I assumed it wouldn't be that way if it wasn't for Alyssa unexpectedly tagging along. Maya still wasn't her biggest fan, obviously, and had some troubles with having to tolerate her throughout this entire trip. And although I would be completely happy with saying I was subtly avoiding Lucas because Maya was still my best friend and I was siding with her, the truth was that I had been sort of hopeful I could repair my friendship with Lucas during this little trip. It seemed near impossible to do so now that Alyssa was here, too.

Seriously, it was like they were suddenly the best of friends. I didn't understand how it had happened, or why, but it wasn't like I was exactly permitted to ask either of them. They would be just assume that I was questioning them because I was jealous, not simply curious. And knowing Alyssa and her attitude, that was the kind of thing she would never allow me to live down. She would be bringing it up the day she got married, probably.

(Which I could learn to accept as long as her future husband wasn't the boy I nearly stumbled into a couple minutes ago.)

Lucas shrugged, sliding his phone out of his jeans pocket and unlocking it. "According to the texts she sent me, yeah. Do any of you guys see her around here?"

Alyssa stuck her lower lip out in a pout, rocking back and forth on her heels. "I don't even know what she looks like. Are you really going to ask a question that is going to exclude me like that, Lucas?"

Missy rolled her eyes, twirling a strand of light brown hair around her pointer finger. "Yeah, he is," she deadpanned. "Besides, it isn't like I've ever met his mom before, either. Stop overreacting over the simplest things, Alyssa. It isn't going to get you anywhere in life to feign such sensitivity."

"This is going to be a long trip," I exhaled.

. . .

"You live here?" I yelped, accidentally letting shock color my tone. Nothing like traitor emotions.

I could practically feel Isabella rolling her eyes at me, and felt a sudden pang of gratefulness that I had been stuck in the back seat with Farkle and Maya. Her car had three rows of seats, which meant that Missy and Alyssa were sitting in the row in front of us, and Lucas had shotgun. It had seemed a tad bit unfair to me at first, but considering Isabella's intense disliking of me, I suddenly didn't mind as much as I used to. "Yes, and please feel free to take a picture. It'll last longer." Alyssa snickered, but kept unusually quiet.

I climbed out of the car once she pulled into the garage and tugged the keys out of the ignition, Maya right behind me. Farkle hopped out on the other side, although joined us faster than I thought was possible. I stepped out of the garage without waiting for the others, my eyes widening slightly once I grasped how huge this house actually was. It could barely even be considered a house; If anything, it was more like a mansion. The type of home I always dreamed of having when I was a little girl, the kind I doodled and gushed about whenever someone teasingly asked me about my plans for the future.

"Need a camera, honey?" Isabella asked me after a moment, her tone sarcastically sweet. I blushed a pale shade of pink, although somehow managed to shake my head before awkwardly walking back into the garage, following Lucas and Isabella into the house. I heard the clacking of Missy's and Alyssa's high heels against the floor right behind me, along with the scuffing of Maya's and Farkle's sneakers. The entire house was eerily silent, a total shocker considering the fact that Isabella didn't live alone anymore.

She had remarried last year, surprisingly enough. There hadn't been a huge wedding, and she didn't even tell Lucas about it until after it was over and official. Sometimes I wondered if that was one of the reasons that prompted him to do the things that he did a couple months ago. It was no excuse for his actions, of course, but at least it would explain things a little. Which is something I needed - the lack of explanations on his behalf still annoyed me to the point of no return. I guessed that was why I always ended up creating my own theories with Farkle nowadays.

Her new husband, Jasper Dean, had two kids - one boy, one girl. The girl was apparently away at college, although the boy lived with Isabella and Jasper. I couldn't remember his name, but I did remember Lucas mentioning something about how he was seventeen - the same age as Lucas.

"Riley, Maya," Isabella said our names with only a small amount of disgust, which was pretty great, coming from her. "You'll be staying in Ashley's old bedroom. Alyssa and Missy, you're staying in one of our guest rooms, and Lucas and Farkle, you two will be staying in our other guest room. I don't care which guest room you guys choose, as long as you don't destroy anything."

Missy paused slightly before stepping towards Isabella, forcing a half-smile. "You're joking, right? Can't I just stay with Maya and Riley, too? I swear, I won't make a mess or anything, just plea-"

"No," Isabella said shortly, her eyebrows furrowing together in slight confusion before seemingly shrugging it off. "There isn't enough room for three girls to stay in there. It's bad enough two are staying in there. Any questions?"

Everyone was completely silent, a bit of a rarity coming from Alyssa, but it seemed to please Isabella. She actually smiled, nodding once. "Good, that's what I was hoping for. Jasper and Brandon should be home in about an hour from Brandon's karate practice, so please don't disturb them. They're always exhausted after practice. Your curfew is midnight, and if anyone is out later than that, you might as well just go home," she informed us, her smile fading. "Understood?"

We all nodded, which seemed to relieve her. She offered to show Missy and Alyssa to their room, and both girls reluctantly agreed. I watched them walk away, the awkwardness in the room already beginning to feel a tad bit suffocating.

Farkle broke the deafening silence first. "It shouldn't be this difficult for us to talk to each other, you know."

Maya shrugged simply, pointedly looking over at Lucas. "Why don't you ask that one why he won't even look at us anymore?" she asked calmly. "I still don't understand how come things changed so abruptly. We went from all being best friends one day to plain awkwardness the next."

Lucas and I exchanged a brief glance, but neither of us spoke, our lips pressed together firmly. We had never told Maya, Missy, and Farkle the complete details about everything that happened between us only the details that they absolutely needed. Even when Farkle and I were speculating about Lucas and he tried to get me to come clean I remained unusually mysterious over the subject. In a way, it was kind of an unspoken agreement between Lucas and I to keep a good majority of the important details a secret.

Even though they led up to our group being badly fractured. Some things were just better left unsaid.

Maya mumbled something about needing food before she started chopping people up before walking towards what I assumed was the kitchen. Farkle followed her, but not without flashing Lucas and I another hopeful look. It was sad to realize that after all this time, he was still hoping we might fix our issues with each other so everything could go back to normal.

It was a shame Maya was right - hope was for suckers. And I was tired of being a sucker.

"Why did you invite Alyssa to come along?" I asked him after a moment, curiosity finally getting the best of me, per usual. "California honestly doesn't seem like her dream getaway, so I don't understand why you decided to drag her along."

Lucas raised his eyebrows, seeming somewhat amused. "Aww, is somebody jealous?" he pressed, smirking widely.

See, this was why I despised asking anyone questions anymore. They always read into the things that I said. "Of course not," I said immediately, my eyebrows furrowing together tightly. "I'm just wondering why you want to put your friend through this kind of suffering. She obviously hates this place, and forcing her to come isn't going to get her to shower you with kisses."

So maybe I was jealous. But it wasn't like he needed to know that. I had been getting better and better at keeping certain things to myself these days, and this was clearly one of those things. Jealously had always been an emotion I hated feeling, so hiding it was beginning to get easier and easier.

"Don't ask," he mumbled before speaking up. "We should probably go get your luggage before my mother tosses it into the ocean or something, yeah?"

I paused, trying to understand why he wasn't too keen on talking about this sort of thing, before eventually brushing it off. Maybe it wasn't the subject itself, and just the person he was speaking to. Like I said, our breakup hadn't exactly done wonders for our previously close friendship, and that wasn't going to be changing anytime soon. It was understandable was he was acting so standoffish towards me, and despite how much I wished it would all just go away, I couldn't complain, either. It wasn't like I had been open towards him, so it was fair enough.

He heaved an exasperated sigh after a moment, apparently tired of waiting for me to answer, and quickly striding back into the garage. I followed rather hesitantly, wanting to try to make conversation but unsure of what to say. It felt wrong, being so distant from one another. It made me wish that I might have dealt with things differently two months ago.

Lucas popped open the trunk, latching onto my lilac suitcase and handing it to me. I grabbed onto it, although apparently my zipper hadn't been zipped all the way before it burst open, causing my clothes and books to scatter all over the ground. I barely stifled a groan of irritating, sinking down to the ground and trying to stuff everything back into my suitcase.

It wasn't until my hands lightly brushed against a familiar leather jacket that I knew I was totally screwed.

"You kept it?" Lucas asked, surprise coloring his usually disinterested tone. He sank down besides me on the ground, placing a few of my shirts into the suitcase before grasping the arm of the tattered leather jacket, blinking slowly in confusion. "Why would you bring this with you?"

I swallowed hard, quickly reaching over and tugging it out of his hands, dropping it into my suitcase and piling my books on top of it to at least try to hide it. My efforts were pointless, of course - my paperback copies of The Mortal Instruments and The Hunger Games weren't exactly gigantic, and besides, he had already seen it. "Can we talk about something else, please? Anything else. Politics, Disney, Christmas-"

"Christmas is in December and this is June," he said flatly, raising his eyebrows. The gesture seemed almost conniving, and it took every ounce of my self control not to comment on it - it seemed like the kind of thing that Alyssa would have done. Usually I wouldn't be so upset, but Maya and Missy had been rubbing off on me lately.

"Whatever," I muttered, zipping up my luggage and standing up, brushing off my dress with my spare hand. "Let's just go inside, it's really hot in here."

"Whatever you want, sunshine," he mumbled, hopping up and closing the trunk, despite the fact that everyone else's luggage -including his own- was still in there. Perhaps he figured that only my things were in immediate danger of being thrown into the ocean.

I didn't like how accurate that most likely was.

"You shouldn't call me that anymore," I said quietly, chewing on my bottom lip somewhat nervously. It had been ages since the last time the nickname had slipped, and hearing it from him after he saw the jacket ... well, it didn't make my mood any better.

Lucas shrugged simply, stepping back into his temporary house and holding the door open for me. I hesitantly walked inside, pulling my luggage along. "You're still my person ray of sunshine, so I don't see anything wrong with the nickname."

I couldn't figure out anything to say after that.

. . .

 **A/N: Hey, everyone! Thank you all so much for your wonderful reviews, as well as following and favoriting this story! It really means a lot to me that you guys are checking out this story, as well. You're all awesome! Feel free to leave your thoughts on this chapter, I still love hearing from you guys. Thanks for reading!**

 **I don't own GMW. Okay? Okay.**


	3. Chapter 3

"What do you think his brother is going to be like?"

Maya rolled her eyes, lightly leaning against the fridge. "I don't know. It isn't like they're actually related, so it's not like I can say he'll be a Ranger Rick 2.0. Then again, what do I know?" She shrugged.

I sighed. "Maya, I'm being serious. We're not just staying with Lucas's mom and stepdad. We're staying with some random seventeen year old we hardly know."

"Are you talking about Lucas or Brandon now?" she asked sarcastically, raising her eyebrows. I didn't say anything, glancing down and feigning interest in the white tile flooring. As much as I hated to admit it, even to myself, her words stung. Not because of the sarcasm, I was used to that from Maya Hart. No, it hurt because it was true - we hardly knew Lucas anymore. And it was even more difficult to comprehend the fact that things might not be that way if I had reacted differently two months ago. If I hadn't said those words that changed everything.

Would things still be the way they were now, with Lucas drifting further from us everyday? With Lucas unexpectedly chasing after Alyssa Allen? I didn't think so, but it was impossible to know for sure.

The kitchen door swung open, startling us both. Fortunately, it was just Farkle. I leaned back against the counter, heaving a silent sigh of relief. I knew I would have to face Lucas again soon, but not so soon after our encounter in the garage. I was still trying to get over the humiliation I felt over the leather jacket incident. "Maya, Missy says she's looking for you. Something about you stealing her Twilight book?"

Maya smirked. "What can I say? The distance could do her so good. She's going to destroy the spine if she keeps rereading them over and over again."

"That's how people show their love for books," Farkle reminded her gently.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say. I better hand over her dumb book before she starts tearing my luggage apart. Catch ya later, peaches," Maya added with a teasing wink, before brushing apst Farkle and heading into the living room.

Farkle took a couple steps into the kitchen, silently shutting the door behind himself. "Are you doing all right, Riles?" he asked, the traces of concern clear in his voice. "You've been acting differently ever since you came in with your suitcase. I'm worried about you. Did Lucas say something to upset you?"

That was how these sorts of conversations always went. The concerned friend constantly assumes that the typical troublemaker upsets the traditional good girl. Except, the fun fact that everyone seemed to be forgetting was that Lucas wasn't your typical troublemaker. He never had been. "No," I mumbled, fiddling with my fingers awkwardly.

Despite my slight annoyance over the question, I wasn't sure if I was telling the truth or not.

Farkle raised a single eyebrow, disbelief obvious in his eyes. "Riley, I can read you like a book. What's wrong? You know you can trust me. It isn't like I would ever tell anybody."

Our friendship had started to grow again once Lucas began acting distant. It had been a bit of a relief, especially since we did use to date. I had been stressed that our friendship would never go back to normal, despite the fact that he had feelings for Maya, but fortunately, my worries were pointless. It was a relief, honestly. Farkle and I had been getting so close recently, it was like he was my slightly older brother. And all I needed right now was an older brother. "I know," I muttered. "I just don't know if it's worth talking about."

"If it's bothering you, it's worth talking about, Riley. What is it?"

I exhaled. "My luggage burst open when Lucas and I were unloading it. All of my things scattered everywhere, and he ended up seeing the leather jacket."

"You brought it?" At least he didn't seem angry or irritated, only confused. I didn't blame him; I was confused over why I packed it, too.

I nodded. "Yeah, and please don't ask me why, because I haven't got a clue. Anyway, he had asked me if I was jealous over his friendship with Alyssa right before it happened, and he called me sunshine afterwards and I just don't know anymore." It felt good to let all of this out. It's times like this you have to realize that keeping everything pent up inside won't help you at all - it'll only hurt more than the pain itself. "I feel like nothing makes sense anymore. You're a genius, right? How do I handle this? What does it all mean? Tell me what, please."

Farkle held both of his hands up slowly, almost warily. "Okay, hang on a second, Riles. First of all, are you jealous?"

"No," I said immediately, although my voice nervously cracked. Well, so much for getting better at hiding certain things.

Farkle nodded, smiling in disbelief. "Yeah, okay. I'm taking that as a yes. And Riley, I really hate breaking it to you, but I can't tell you how to handle this. You have to figure this out on your own. They're your feelings and thoughts, only you can determine what they mean and what you want to do next."

I knew he was right, but that didn't mean I had to be overjoyed. "Farkle, I don't know what any of this means. I just told you, it feels like nothing makes sense to me anymore. It's like it isn't even worth the effort to try to get to know him again, especially with Alyssa hanging around. She has him wrapped around her finger, she's beautiful and funny and mature, and I'm ... I'm a little shadow in the reflection of the sun."

He rolled his eyes. "She's pretty, sure, but she's about as funny as a brick. Besides, she's only mature because she chose to grow up too fast. She acts like she's in her twenties, as opposed to a sixteen-year-old. That doesn't make you a shadow, and it doesn't mean she's the sun."

"I'm home!" an unfamiliar voice bellowed. We both snapped our attentions to the kitchen door, almost reflexively.

Despite how flustered I still felt from admitting everything I was going through and thinking, I smoothed out my dress instinctively. "That's probably Brandon. We should go introduce ourselves."

"Sure. But think about what I said, Riles. You don't have to be a shadow of someone else. Just be your own person, and you'll be perfectly fine," he said softly before pushing the kitchen door open, entering the living room. I hesitated, rocking back and forth on the heels of my feet before reluctantly following him.

I had always enjoyed meeting new people, but it seemed almost pointless right now. It was probably just my negative mood - I had been bringing myself down since I found out Alyssa was tagging along. But that was no reason to be a downer on everyone else. And maybe that's how I found myself plastering a huge fake smile on my face, striding towards the doorway.

Farkle and I were the only people there besides two unfamiliar people who I assumed were Jasper and Brandon. Everyone else was probably still unpacking or getting accustomed to their temporary rooms. And when it came to Maya and Missy, considering how serious their debates over The Twilight Saga actually were, it was easy to guess what they might be up to.

I glanced over at the boy who looked to be about Lucas's age. He was just as tall as the man standing besides him, and had the same chocolate brown eyes and jet black hair, but that was where the similarities ended. The man was well put together, with well-combed hair and even wore a dark, fancy suit and matching tie, whereas the teenager was dressed in a t-shirt advertising some band I had never heard of, ripped jeans, and sneakers. Even his hair was totally disheveled, a striking difference from the aforementioned man.

Mr. Dean flashed us both a brief smile before stepping away, heading into the den. The boy stayed in place, fleetingly glancing over at Farkle before locking eyes on me. "You're two of the kids crashing with us for awhile, right?" He smiled when we both nodded, stretching out his hand. "Great to meet you. I'm Brandon Dean."

Farkle and I both shook his outstretched hand, although he lingered a bit longer before dropping my hand. "It's nice to meet you, too," I said, shocked at his kind attitude. "I hope our presences won't disrupt anything."

Brandon chuckled. "Naw, of course it won't. It's awesome to have you guys here. Don't mind my dad or Isabella, they aren't exactly what you would call people-lovers all the time. You probably noticed that already, though. Hey, what are your names?"

He seemed a little absentminded and awkward, but that was okay. I had been the same way since the day I was conceived, for crying out loud. It wasn't as if I could possibly judge. "I'm Riley Matthews."

"Farkle Minkus."

Brandon raised his eyebrows at Farkle, shock coloring his features. "Who would do that to you?"

"Maya, give me my book back!" Missy shrieked, barreling down the stairs after my blond best friend. Maya laughed loudly, narrowly avoiding smashing into me and standing behind Farkle, Missy's paperback copy of Twilight clutched in her hands.

"Why do you love this story so much, anyways? It's like ... 'ohh, Edward, bite me and turn me into a bloodsucker like you and the rest of your family'!" Maya imitated the protagonist in a fake accent that sounded nothing like the actress from the movie. Missy glared daggers at her, crossing her arms stubbornly while she stared Maya down. The phrase "if looks could kill" flashed through my mind, and I barely stifled a laugh of my own.

Brandon looked between Missy and Maya before shooting me a confused look. "This is weird, right?"

I shook my head. "Sadly, no. You start getting accustomed to it after awhile, though," I explained with false cheerfulness before glancing between Maya and Missy. "Peaches, come on. Give her book back and leave it alooone. Everyone is entitled to like whatever they want to like."

Maya snickered, but handed Missy her book back, anyway. "Okay, moral compass," she murmured sarcastically. Missy laughed, her annoyance already long gone now that she had her favorite book in her hands again. It was times like this I was glad I had spread my love of reading to Missy. Her face lit up whenever someone as much as mentioned The Twilight Saga or any of its characters, and it was incredible to see. She really was a changed person from who she was back in middle school.

Both girls suddenly turned towards Brandon, as if they just now noticed his presence. "Who's that?" Maya asked me, gesturing to Brandon as if he couldn't hear her.

The dark-haired boy chuckled, running a hand through his hair awkwardly. "I'm Brandon Dean. Lucas's stepbrother. And actually, do you guys have any idea where Lucas might be? I really want to meet him."

"Not a clue," Maya said, and there was a slight edge to her words I didn't quite understand. She must still be irritated over the Alyssa thing. "I'm Maya, by the way. Maya Hart."

"Missy Brandon," my other friend mumbled almost under her breath. She was flipping through her book, presumably to find her place, and I briefly pitied her. The everyday troubles of a bookworm were not things that should be taken lightly.

Brandon chuckled. "Nice to meet you guys. Which of you would be the best to ask to find Lucas?"

"Riley," all three of my friends answered in unison. Maya and Farkle even pointed in my direction before Farkle latched onto Maya's hand, gently fiddling with her fingers. Brandon noticed this immediately, but fortunately didn't comment on it. Maya had always been kind of introverted and she was never a fan of people asking her questions, even if it was about her relationship with Farkle.

Brandon took a hesitant step towards me, grinning hopefully. "Would it be too much to ask you to hunt down my stepbrother? Please?"

So much for avoiding Lucas for awhile longer. I faked another wide smile, lacing my fingers together tightly. "It's no problem at all, I was planning on trying to find him soon, anyway." Like, in the net forty or so years. Or centuries.

Brandon smiled gratefully and I forced a weak laugh, turning away and climbing up the staircase. Life seemed to be willing to cut me some slack this afternoon - it turned out that Lucas was in the first bedroom I came across, unpacking his suitcase. His back was turned to the door, so he hadn't noticed my presence yet. I felt a little creepy just standing there and watching him, but it felt like I had been paralyzed. The thought of actually speaking to him with words so soon after our awkward encounter was absolutely terrifying.

But I said I would help someone out, so I had to go through with it. Silently cursing Maya, Farkle, and Missy, I gently knocked on the open door. Lucas spun around, and I forced another laugh, although this one even sounded nervous to me. "Hiiii."

Lucas pursed his lips, loosening his grip on the black t-shirt he had been holding. "Riley?"

Well, at least he didn't call me sunshine again. One less thing to feel nervous over. "That's me. Um, Brandon just got home and he told me he wanted to meet you, so I said I would find you." Which wasn't necessarily true, but I had never been talented at telling someone I felt forced to find them. Especially if that someone was Lucas freaking Friar.

Lucas rolled his eyes almost impatiently, sitting at the edge of his bed. I noticed that there were two beds, which was probably only because of how many people actually ended up coming on this little trip. Alyssa's face flashed through my mind and I grimaced, quickly jabbing my side against the door frame to distract myself before he noticed how weird I was acting. "I don't want to talk to him."

I frowned. "How come?"

"Because he isn't my family, and I don't want anyone thinking that he is. And unless you need anything else from me, I suggest that you leave me alone."

I bit my bottom lip hard, trying to mask the hurt I felt over his harsh words. There was more to this story than he was letting on, but he obviously didn't want to tell me anything about it. Sometimes I needed to accept that I couldn't fix everything, and I had to let go at some point.

Nodding slowly, I grinned humorlessly. "My pleasure."

. . .

 **A/N: Lucas, Lucas, Lucas. What has gotten into you?**

 **Oh wait a second. I know what it is. Shh, let's forget that awkward moment above, please.**

 **Anyways, thank you guys so much for your sweet reviews! You all are what is motivating me to continue writing this story, and it means so much to me that you guys leave your opinions! I love you guys so much, and I couldn't possibly ask for greater readers. Stay amazing!**

 **Also, I don't own Girl Meets World. This burns my fingers to type, honestly.**


	4. Chapter 4

"You honestly like The Mortal Instruments?" I asked Brandon, raising my eyebrows.

The dark-haired boy chuckled, nodding almost hesitantly. "Yeah, I do. I know it's probably weird for a guy to like that kind of stuff, but that's just the sort of person that I am. It's a really good book series, and the characters have a lot of depth."

I smiled. "It isn't weird at all. Who's your favorite character?"

"Jace," he answered immediately, almost as if he had been anticipating the question. "Who's yours?"

"Well, Simon," I said truthfully. "We're both a little awkward and we get uncomfortable in certain situations, but he also has this incredible sense of humor that kind of reminds me of my best friend. It isn't often I come across a character that reminds me of myself and Maya, so I guess you could say I'm emotionally attached to him." It felt strange to be admitting all of this. Although Missy shared my obsession with reading, she had never read The Mortal Instruments. Sure, she tried to keep up whenever I constantly babbled about it, but I knew that it had to get boring after awhile.

Brandon grinned slightly. "That's really cool." It looked like he was considering saying something after that, but he was quickly cut off by the dulcet tones of people arguing with each other. I pressed my lips together firmly, trying to hide my second-hand embarrassment over whatever was going on. Usually we didn't act this way around one another, so it was most likely just the change of environment, but it was still no excuse. We were all high school students now, about to go into our junior year. You'd think we could act like human beings around new people, instead of rabid animals.

Maya and Lucas came stumbling down the stairs, both of them storming into the living room. "You're an idiot if you think she honestly cares about you, Huckleberry," my blond best friend hissed, her tone acidic. "We've had our experiences with Alyssa before, remember? She's a stereotypical popular girl, and that's how she likes it. It isn't like she even wants to ever change."

Lucas rolled his eyes, crossing his arms defensively. "Give me a break, Maya. She's a sweet girl, you just don't know her."

She laughed humorlessly. "Yeah, I've heard that before. 'Oh, he's a sweet boy, Maya, you just don't know him well enough,'" Maya imitated in a high, soprano-reminiscent voice. "And look where that got all of us. You're acting like the same jerk I met in Texas, and I don't like it, Sundance."

I swallowed hard. It was easy to realize that Maya had been mimicking me, but I just hoped that Brandon hadn't caught on. It might inevitably slip that Lucas and I used to be something more than friends, but this wasn't the right time for that.I wasn't sure why I thought that; All I knew was that the thought of Brandon finding that out so soon absolutely repulsed me. And I was rarely repulsed.

Lucas tilted his head towards Brandon and I, grinning bleakly. "Are you sure you want to continue this argument out here, Maya? Because if so, I'm all for it. There isn't anything I've got to lose anymore, how about you?"

Deciding that now might be a good time to finally step in, I cleared my throat awkwardly. "Um, guys," I started, forcing a nervous laugh. "I don't think we should be at each other's throats throughout this trip. It isn't fair to the people who actually live here."

Lucas raised his hands in surrender, although there was the slightest hint of a smirk lighting up his usually expressionless face. "Hey, don't blame me. Maya's the one starting crap with everyone."

I stared at him blankly, too overwhelmed with shock to think of anything to say. I snapped back to reality after the briefest of moments, abruptly stepping towards him, grabbing onto his arm and literally tugging him out of the room, heading into the kitchen instead. I quietly closed the door behind us, letting go of him right away. "What's wrong with you today, Lucas? You're acting even less like yourself than usual."

"Leave it alone, Riley," he mumbled, trying to push past me.

I stayed firmly rooted in place, crossing my arms and standing up straighter. "This isn't the Lucas we know, and I want to know why and I want to know now."

He rolled his eyes at me, but seemingly gave up on trying to rush away, slumping his shoulders. "Why do you even care, Riley? There's nothing you can do to help me, which is perfectly fine. I don't want your help. I just want to be left alone by everyone, but you guys aren't really making that possible."

It was the very first time Lucas so much as implied that he might be needing help. Wanting to latch onto the rare opportunity to improve our friendship, despite how irritated at him I currently was, I forced a small, reassuring smile. "What do you need help with?"

"Nothing you can fix. Can you get out of my way, please? I kind of don't want to be around anyone right now."

Exhaling, I dropped the happy facade, my false smile fading as quickly as it appeared. "You cannot keep running away from all of your problems forever, Lucas. They're still going to catch up to you one day, you know that, right? And consistently pushing away the people who honestly care about you is only going to make things more difficult once your issues finally do catch up to you. You'll be completely alone, and that'll make it even harder to sort through everything."

"Stop acting like your father, Riley," he said with a bitter smile. "You aren't him. You're just a sixteen year old girl with your perfect family and perfect life. You don't understand anything that's going on, and you won't. No one understands until they're forced to suffer through it. The sooner you realize that and let it go, the better. I mean it."

It was as if something had shifted the entire atmosphere between us. Instead of being Lucas and Riley, we were currently strangers. Two people who knew nothing about one another, and apparently never would. It was like everything we had been through together over the years, the things we had promised each other, suddenly meant nothing. It was like nothing even mattered anymore. We were more than your typical individuals trying to engage in a normal conversation. Instead, I was just a simplistic stranger to him, desperately and pointlessly trying to fix him.

Some things can't be fixed, though. Especially if they wanted to stay broken.

"I understand a lot more than you think, you know," I snapped, my tone icy. It was a rarity, coming from me, but I hadn't been lying when I said it felt like things had completely shifted. Not only the atmosphere, but ourselves, as well. He wasn't acting like Lucas Friar anymore, so why in the world should I act like Riley Matthews? We were strangers all over again. I could act like however I wanted to act like now. "Underestimating people is something you should typically try to avoid. It only leaves you looking like a thoughtless jerk."

He raised a single eyebrow. "Isn't that exactly what I am?"

I shrugged. "Maybe now. But that's not how things used to be, if you recall. Things were different for awhile, and I don't know what prompted you to change back into the person you were in Texas, but I hate whatever it is. Because it's turning you into a totally different person. A stranger. And there's nothing I can do to fix it. I don't even want to anymore."

"Good, that's what I was hoping to hear. Now can you let me through? I'm not getting any younger here."

"No," I snapped again. It was getting harder and harder to resist the urge to start yelling. It wouldn't help the situation whatsoever, but admittedly, I was getting pretty mad. It was more difficult than usual to control yourself when you're angry or frustrated. "Why do you have to treat people like this? What screwed you up so badly that you can't even act civilly around anyone that isn't Alyssa Allen?"

Lucas snickered. "You, perhaps? You screwed me up, Riley. You promised all of these wonderful things about never running away, never leaving, always being the person that would stay, no matter what."

"That's who I am, Lucas, why does that mean anything?"

"Because you lied," he whisper-shouted. We both risked a glimpse at the kitchen door behind us, overhearing the light footsteps tentatively approaching. Neither of us said a word, and the footsteps faded away. Lucas turned back to me, his eyebrows furrowing. "You lied. That's what my problem is."

I shook my head, confusion ruling over my annoyance. "I didn't lie. I'm still right here, like always. I haven't left, why would you even say that?"

Lucas chuckled, although it seemed vaguely humorless. "You have to be joking. You ended things between us, remember, Riley? I didn't. You decided that it wasn't worth it anymore, and I guess I can respect that. People always get fed up with me. But there's the answer to your stupid question, Riley. Can I just go already? I'm tired of this. And everything."

"It wasn't like I broke up with you for no reason," I hissed, basically ignoring the last part of his little speech. My bad. "You could have gotten kicked out of school again! Not just that, it was like you havebno remorse for what you did. It wasn't even the first reckless thing you had done. I was hoping the breakup might have knocked some sense into you, but I suppose it didn't."

Lucas bit his bottom lip harshly, fleetingly glancing around the kitchen before reluctantly locking his eyes on me again. "I don't want to talk about this right now. I'm tired and the time difference and jetlag or whatever is finally getting to me. I want to go to sleep, so please get out of my way, Riley."

Of course he didn't want to discuss it. He never did. I pursed my lips, taking a couple reluctant steps away from the kitchen door. "Sure. Whatever."

He lightly brushed past me, not bothering to say another thing to me before closing the door behind himself.

. . .

I stumbled down the stairs, messily running a hand through my hair. The morning light was seeping through the huge windows, and for the first time in my life, I pointlessly wished that the sun would go away for awhile. Maya was trudging behind me, just as slow and exhausted as I was, although I didn't quite understand why. She had fallen asleep before eleven last night, and meanwhile, I had been wide awake until three, contemplating my whole life. It turns out that eight o'clock comes really early when you've only slept for a few hours.

"Why do we have to wake up early?" my best friend groaned, her exasperation obvious. "It's summer vacation. I wanted to sleep in until eleven at the earliest. And then there's you, hopping out of bed at eight in the freaking morning like you have any responsibilities."

I sighed, pausing once we reached the living room. "We're guests, Maya. Don't you think it might be a tad bit rude to sleep in until almost noon our first morning here? We should at least try to make a good impression on these people."

Maya yawned loudly before waving her hand dismissively. "Cut me some slack here, Riles. Ranger Rick's mom already can't stand either of us, and I sincerely doubt his stepdad or stepbrother-"

"Brandon," I interrupted instinctively.

She raised her eyebrows. "Huh?"

"His name is Brandon, Maya."

Maya exhaled impatiently, quickly waving her hand around again. "Whatever, Brandon, then. I doubt either of them would care. Why do you care so much about making great impressions on everyone, anyway? It isn't like we're going to know any of these people after this summer. They aren't your family, Riley. Honestly, Lucas has more to worry about than you."

I didn't say anything, hesitantly pushing open the kitchen door. Sure enough, early risers that they were, Farkle and Missy were already sitting at the counter. Surprisingly, Brandon was also there, talking to Missy about the pros and cons of some rock song I had never heard. "Good morning,"I said somewhat nervously, hesitant to interrupt their conversation.

Brandon snapped his head up, instantly breaking out into a wide smile. "Hey, Riley, Maya. I didn't expect to see you guys awake. Farkle said you might be planning on sleeping in."

Maya threw her hands up in frustration, shooting me one of her death glares. "See?!" she snapped. I laughed, sitting besides Brandon at the counter and linking my hands together. Maya tugged open the door to the fridge, muttering incoherent things that probably had a lot to do with me dragging her out of bed so early in the morning (for her, anyways).

"Is Lucas awake?" I asked Farkle, raising my eyebrows slowly. I didn't want to appear too curious, still eager to avoid any questions about anything involving Lucas, but I couldn't help it. Despite everything that went down between us last night, I still worried about him. Sue me.

The fact that he had implied that he needed help with something honestly scared the life of out me. Looking back on my experiences with humanity, it was never a good sigh when people implied that they needed help after pushing almost everyone in their life away. It was one of the first signs of depression, and I didn't know how to fix that.

Farkle nodded, setting down his glass of orange juice. "Mhm. He left with Alyssa about fifteen minutes ago. Apparently he wanted to show her around the city."

Of course. Lucas had lived out here for a couple weeks, although not in the same house, obviously. Back in eighth grade, he had lived in an apartment with his mother, although his aunt, Rachel McGuire, sorted everything out for us. It turned out she was planning on moving to New York City and, with a little help from my parents, aunt, and uncle, she got on her feet in the Big Apple and suggested that Lucas live with her instead. It was something I still couldn't thank her enough for, despite everything that changed a couple months ago. She had done something incredibly selfless, and she deserved endless amounts of gratitude.

Needless to say, my feelings hadn't changed too much since eighth grade. Aside from getting stronger.

Another thing I would never want anyone to find out. Especially Lucas or Maya.

"Are those two dating?" Brandon asked, casually breaking into our conversations. Missy jerked her head towards me almost instinctively, and Maya stumbled away from the fridge, her gaze locked on me. Even Farkle was watching me, concern in his pale blue eyes.

No pressure.

I forced what I hoped was a nonchalant shrug, mindlessly toying with my fingers. "Not a clue. You would have to ask him."

It wasn't like we had the greatest of chats recently, anyway.

. . .

 **A/N: Hey, guys! Sorry in advance for the short author's note this evening, I'm not really feeling that great. c: I want to thank you guys for all of your wonderful reviews! You guys are so fantastic. I love hearing your thoughts, so please feel free to leave your opinions on this chapter! We found out a little more about what happened between Riley and Lucas a couple months ago, and I promise, you'll be getting the full story shortly. Thanks for reading!**

 **I don't own Girl Meets Wooorrrllddd. Yaay.**


	5. Chapter 5

"Well, aren't you two adorable?"

Brandon and I both jerked our heads up, eyebrows furrowing in unison. "You're finally back from your play date with Alyssa," I commented, forcing a half-smile. Although Brandon had to be aware of the tension between Lucas and I, it was still a bright idea to try to avoid too many questions. Since I usually smiled at everybody, that meant I had to force a lot of smiles around Lucas Friar whenever Brandon was around. The only kicker was making sure that neither of them caught onto my probably wasted efforts.

Lucas smirked, tugging off his dark denim jacket and tossing it onto the couch. "Aw, if you missed me so much, all you had to do was text. I would have come back right away from my little ray of sunshine."

I shot him a warning look. "In your dreams, Friar." My voice sounded strange to my own ears, and it took me a moment to realize that I was actually nervous. It was a bit of a bummer - I had promised myself I wouldn't let him make me feel nervous or flustered again, especially after the incident in the garage. That was enough intense awkwardness for an entire lifetime, thank you very much. "And don't call me that, please."

"No, I'm just assuming because of the whole jacket thing," he explained calmly, casually ignoring everything else that I said. My cheeks flushed immediately, causing me to instinctively duck my head. I noticed his arrogant little smirk widen before my head was down completely, and briefly imagined hitting him in the face with a metallic frying pan. Multiple times.

Brandon raised his eyebrows, obviously lost. Well, so much for not making the poor guy suspicious. I still was unsure why it mattered so much to me that he stayed in the dark about pretty much anything involving Lucas and I, but admittedly, it didn't matter to me. There were currently bigger issues at hand right now. "What are you guys talking about?"

"Nothing," I interjected instantly. Judging by how Lucas had been treating everybody recently, he would have jumped on the opportunity to make me look like an emotional wreck. Which deep down, I knew that I probably was. Even if it was only a tiny bit of emotional wreck, I certainly had some of that inside me. "Nothing that matters, anyway."

Lucas chuckled, but it didn't sound like it normally did. Not just humorless, which I was slowly getting accustomed to, but sarcastic. Bitter. "Nothing that matters? I'm honestly offended, sunshine. It looked like it mattered to you when I gave it to you."

I reluctantly tilted my head up, locking my dark brown eyes on his bright green eyes. His eyes used to be full of life, potential, and maybe even happiness. Now, however, they just seemed bleak. Almost emotionless. It was painful to see history apparently repeating itself. Especially when I couldn't see myself going through everything all over again. Hadn't it been awful enough the first time around? "The fun fact of the day is that I had just graduated from eighth grade. We're going into our junior year of high school now, I would have thought you'd know by now that things are always subject to change."

"Trust me, Riley. I know."

Brandon stood up then, glancing between Lucas and I. "Did you guys used to go out or something?" he asked us both, although his attention seemed to be fixated on me. The intensity of his gaze made me feel almost uncomfortable, but I brushed it off. I was probably just overreacting.

"Or something," I mumbled, not wanting to go into all the gory details. "Don't listen to Lucas, he has the bad habit of frequently acting like the people around him are venomous murderers that deserve to be treated unkindly."

Lucas snickered, although this sounded even more bitter. Well, okay. This couldn't possibly be good. "You think that highly of me? I'm honored, especially since you claimed to always see the best in everybody. If that's the best in me, I guess I better embrace it while I'm still ahead, right?"

I already regretted my words, and for a split second I wished I didn't feel any remorse. For anything. Maybe then I would be able to get a little sleep at night. "Can we please talk about this later?" I pleaded in a low voice, risking the quickest of glimpses in Brandon's general direction. His expression seemed concerned, with a vague amount of something else I couldn't quite identify.

Lucas shook his head. "Nope," he said, popping the 'p.' I shot him another dark look, which prompted his cocky smirk to widen. "No offense, Riles, I'd truly love to constantly grace you with my bitter presence, but I have better things to do than talk about the same things over and over again. If you don't mind, I need to catch up to-"

"Alyssa, yeah, I know," I snapped, surprising myself. I was snapping more and more often lately and it was beginning to scare me. I didn't want to become the person Lucas seemed to think I was; cold and thoughtless and cruel, without even the slightest hint of a conscience. But if I kept snapping at people like this, wouldn't that be the person I would inevitably become? It was terrifying. And yet I couldn't bring myself to cut it out. "Go on, run to your owner like a lost puppy dog. Have fun, troublemaker."

"That's the best nickname you could come up with?" Lucas asked, obviously amused. My words didn't seem to have any effect on him, and I couldn't help but feel grateful. Maybe I wouldn't torture myself over this later tonight. "I hate to break it to you, sunshine, but that's what everyone has been calling me my entire life. It stopped mattering to me about four years ago."

"Shocker," I spat, my tone acidic. Maya really was rubbing off on me. "Things certainly seem to become meaningless to you pretty fast, huh? And not just things. Apparently people, too. You must be so happy and pleased with yourself."

I heard heavy footsteps fast approaching, and I immediately caught onto the clacking on Missy's and Alyssa's high heels. So we had an even bigger audience now, how splendid.

Lucas laughed once, a barking sound that sounded almost forced. "And your opinions on people seem to change frequently, too, of course. Whatever happened to all the things you told me a few months ago, before everything went down?"

What the heck happened to not wanting to talk about it anymore? "My opinions on people change once they do." My voice didn't sound half as cold as it did just moments beforehand, and I couldn't understand. Why couldn't I treat people the way they treated me? So many others got away with doing that. Was there something intensely wrong with me that I couldn't do that? Could I ever fix it?

"Guys," Maya, of all people, said hesitantly, taking a couple steps towards us. "Maybe you should both cool down a little-"

"Oh, shut up," we both snapped in unison. Maya raised her eyebrows, fleetingly glancing between us before holding her hands up in apparent surrender, rejoining Farkle nearby the staircase that led to the bedrooms.

It was getting impossibly difficult to control myself right now. The words slipping out of my mouth were becoming harsher and harsher and it felt like there was positively no way to stop it. Almost as if I was going to continue digging myself this nice little grave until I finally fell in.

Lucas looked back over at me, his lips tightly pressed together. "Really, Riley, dazzle me. What changed? I know it wasn't me. I was still Lucas Friar, but you stopped acting like Riley Matthews long ago."

I stared at him in bleak astonishment before slowly shaking my head. "I didn't change," I murmured, somewhat indignantly. "I just grew up, Lucas. There's a very huge difference," I added, standing up and hesitantly stepping towards him. He didn't move, although his eyebrows furrowed together slightly.

"Guys," this time Brandon tried to intervene, striding towards us. We both turned to him, our expressions equally blank for once. "Maya's right, I think you both should calm down a little before you continue this discussion. You wouldn't want to say anything you might regret later on."

Too late, I thought to myself, glancing down at the floor. The room had suddenly become eerily silent, no one daring to say a single word. I heard long fingernails impatiently tapping against the railing of the staircase and didn't have to look up to see who it was. "Can we please move onto different things? It's almost dinnertime and I'm starving," Alyssa complained, her voice completely whiny, per usual.

"Why didn't you two go out for dinner, then?" Missy asked, her voice sickly sweet.

"Because for some unknown reason, that one wanted you guys to tag along," Alyssa explained reluctantly, briefly gesturing towards Lucas. He stood up a little straighter now, pointedly fixating his attention on the wall across from us. I felt a pang of unwanted guilt - he had actually come back for us, and I ended up saying all the things I didn't even really mean.

Sometimes having a dedicated conscience is a real pain in the-

"Then what are we waiting around for?" Maya interrupted my thoughts, her eyebrows raised slightly. "I'm personally hungry, I'm sure everyone is, so we might as well get a move on. Are we asking Izzy and Jas to tag along or what?" she added, shamelessly using her new nicknames for Isabella and Jasper. I cringed internally, but made sure to keep my expression impassive outwardly.

Brandon chuckled lightly, fortunately. "Isabella said she was going out to dinner with her friends, and my dad's working late tonight, so I'd say probably not."

"Let's go, then," Maya said, her impatience showing before she gently gripped Farkle's hand, tugging him out the front door. Brandon and Alyssa quickly followed; the only ones showing any hesitation were Lucas and Missy. Eventually Lucas seemingly shrugged off whatever was bothering him, catching up to the others in no time.

"Ri, what's going on with you?" Missy asked, her voice soft. She was twirling a strand of light brown hair around her pointer finger, another absentminded habit of hers.

I looked over at her, swallowing hard. She seemed so worried, and it was times like these that I was overly glad I talked to her that one afternoon a couple weeks after middle school graduation. I was almost as close to her as I was to Maya, but at the same time, I knew there was no way she would judge how I was feeling. Maya would try her very hardest to keep a third person's perspective if I opened up to her about everything I was feeling inside, but it would be too hard for her. She was already pretty peeved at Lucas, so she wouldn't ever feel any sympathy for him because of the things I thoughtlessly blurted out. She would side with me in an instant, which was greatly appreciated, but right now I didn't need someone that would take sides. I just needed help.

"I don't know," I answered honestly, intently focusing on my pale blue ballerina flats. "It feels like everything is beginning to spiral out of control again, and I don't know what to do. I keep saying these things and pushing everyone away and it won't stop," my voice unintentionally cracked on the last word and I quickly cleared my throat to cover it up.

Missy hesitated before pulling me into a tight hug. She smelled faintly of perfume and bubblegum, and I fought back the urge to giggle. I really must be losing my mind, but for a second, I almost felt happy again. Sometimes all you need to know is that someone is there for you. I was lucky to have that; not everyone did.

"It's okay," she said soothingly. I felt like a small child again, crying to my mother about the doll I accidentally lost.

I wished that I was a child again, even if it was only for a single day. Things used to be so simple and easy to understand. Now everything was painfully complicated and it seemed as though there was no solution to the messes I helped make. My dad wasn't here with a helpful lesson to brighten up my entire day, my mom wasn't here with her comforting words and encouraging smiles. It felt like Maya wouldn't understand how I felt, especially since I didn't even understand it.

Worst of all, Lucas wasn't here. Sure, he was about twenty feet away, probably talking to Alyssa Allen about whatever they liked discussing. But that wasn't the Lucas I knew. There were no teasing smiles and gentle kisses on my forehead. The smell of mint and cinnamon had been tainted with a different kind of cologne, one that I'm sure Alyssa picked out. He was different.

But was it possible that the things he had been saying were true? Maybe he wasn't the only person that had completely changed themselves. Maybe I had, too, without even realizing it.

"I'm scared," I whispered. Although I was hesitant to admit it, the two words had been hanging on the tip of my tongue for the past two months. It was time to set them free.

Missy paused before responding. "Me, too."

"Guys, come on!" we heard Maya's familiar yell, causing us to pull apart. Missy flashed me a reassuring smile before heading out the door, running a single hand through her straight brown locks.

I took a deep breath, plastered a realistically bright smile on my face, and went outside to join my friends ... and Lucas and Alyssa.

Excluding his name like that stung, but then again, didn't they always say that the truth hurts?

Farkle seemed hesitant of acting like everything was perfectly fine around me, but fortunately no one else caught onto his hesitation. Except maybe Missy, but she had a good reason to catch onto that. After all, she was the person I had just opened up to.

"I'm driving," Brandon announced quickly, pulling out his car keys from his back pocket and unlocking the car parked outside the garage. It wasn't the same car Isabella had used to pick us up, but the similarities were honestly striking. There were three rows of seats in this car, as well, although the windows had been tinted so dark that they might as well be pitch black. The car itself was also black, sleek and completely undamaged. It was the sort of car that other cars dreamed of looking like.

Maya, Missy, Farkle, and Alyssa climbed in right after Brandon had. Judging by the way everyone was seated, my options were torn between sitting next to Alyssa or sitting next to Maya. Yep, that was definitely going to be a painful decision. How could I ever choose?

"Wait," I said suddenly, tightly gripping Lucas's sleeve when he tried to climb in. He paused, glancing down at my hand but otherwise remaining totally still. I awkwardly loosened my grasp on his sleeve, biting my bottom lip nervously. "I'm sorry for everything I said back then."

He smiled without much emotion. "Congratulations," he said sarcastically before jumping into the vehicle, obviously choosing to sit next to Alyssa. I caught sight of Maya rolling her eyes but there was the briefest flash of hurt, gone as soon as it appeared.

Being the bigger person never seemed to get anyone anywhere.

. . .

 **A/N: Hii! First things first, I want to thank you guys for all of your amazing reviews! Do you think we could possibly reach 40 reviews before the next chapter? We currently have 34, and that's so awesome! Thank you again.**

 **What were your thoughts on this chapter? Lucas? Alyssa? Brandon? Missy and Riley's friendship? My seemingly endless list of curious questions? I love hearing from you guys, so don't hesitate to leave your thoughts!**

 **Also, shout out to** ** _believeinyourdreems_** **! Your review made my day. Thank you a lot!**

 **I don't own GMW. Siiigh.**


	6. Chapter 6

_"What's your problem?"_

 _I yanked my wrist out of Lucas's grip, crossing my arms defensively. I didn't like the accusation in his voice, as if I was the person that just messed everything up. I didn't go around basically looking for simple ways to get kicked out of school, you know. "My problem?" I hissed, letting disbelief color my normally kind tone. "You've got to be kidding me there."_

 _He glared at me, the anger clear in his bright green eyes. "Do I look like I'm kidding, Riley? You've been acting different around me all day. Not only that, you did just flirt with your best friend's boyfriend!"_

 _My lips parted in pure shock as I stumbled further away from him. "I was not flirting with Farkle," I stated firmly, briefly gritting my teeth in irritation. "It's not my fault you get jealous so easily. Tell me, Lucas, does life ever get dull for you? Reading into everything must get really boring after awhile."_

 _He chuckled bitterly, messily running a hand through his hair. It was something that he seemed to do whenever he was annoyed, and barely restraining himself from saying something unforgiving. He did that a lot during his short phone calls with his mother. "I'm not reading into anything. Even Maya was looking at you like you grew a second head."_

 _"Then why don't you go whine about it to her?" I snapped, dropping my arms to my sides, where they hung limply. "You're my boyfriend, you're supposed to trust me. Why are you freaking out every time I talk to someone else?"_

 _"I'm not doing that," he disagreed immediately, although there was a hint of an emotion I couldn't quite recognize in his eyes. "It isn't like I don't go to high school with you, Riley. I know how girls act when they flirt with someone, and that's exactly what you were doing."_

 _"Oh, give me a break," I mumbled, tugging off the leather jacket and dropping it on the back of my chair, glancing around my father's vacant classroom. It was lunchtime, and he was supervising everybody this period. Lucas had just dragged me away from our friends, apparently so he could blow up at me in private. How considerate. "Jealousy isn't going to get you anywhere, you know."_

 _He snickered humorlessly, leaning against my desk. "I am not jealous. Why would I be jealous? Why would you even think that?"_

 _I raised my eyebrows at him, hesitantly sitting in my usual seat. The leather jacket lightly brushed against my back, the fabric of my t-shirt unusually thin. "Let me see. My first tip off was the things you were saying. You ought to consider your words for a moment before you claim that you aren't acting jealous. Which, by the way, you have no reason to be. Farkle's one of my best friends, and yours, too. There isn't anything going on between us, and I'm personally offended that you think I would do anything like that. It's even more offensive that you seem to believe your best friend would date your girlfriend."_

 _Lucas paused, before shrugging simply. "You're my best friend, but I guess I can see your point."_

 _I smiled, despite how annoyed I still felt. "You're one of my best friends, too."_

 _There seemed to be a flash of hurt, unexpectedly lighting up his facial features, but it was gone so fast that I must have imagined it. "Yeah, yeah. We better get to class, you know what your dad would assume if he saw us in here. Together. Alone."_

 _I pursed my lips, hopping up and pulling the leather jacket off my chair and fiddling with the tattered sleeve mindlessly. "Yeah, okay. That's definitely a conversation that I would enjoy avoiding for the rest of my life," I muttered before heading out the door, still toying with the sleeve._

 _"Oh, and sunshine?"_

 _I spun around, nearly slamming into Lucas. I hadn't realized he was so close; my face heated up from immediate embarrassment, but nonetheless I forced a slight smile. "Yes?"_

 _"I'm sorry. And ... you know I love you a lot, right?"_

 _"Of course. I love you, too."_

 _. . ._

"Riles, come on, we're here," my best friend whispered in my ear, impatiently prodding me with her hand. I snapped out of the memory, finally turning away from the window and risking a glimpse in her direction. Her blue eyes were full of concern, with only the slightest traces of annoyance. She raised her eyebrows, the question she wanted to ask me painfully obvious, but I just shook my head. Nothing was wrong ... well, nothing I wanted her to know about.

Telling Missy was already bad enough. The more people that knew, the more likely Lucas or Alyssa would find out, or at least figure it out. I couldn't deal with the inevitable stream of questions or sarcastic teasing from them. Not yet, anyway. "What?" I asked.

Maya cracked a small smile, unbuckling my seat belt and nudging me again with her shoulder. I exhaled, realizing that she wanted me to get out of the car. I pushed open the door and hopped out, smoothing out my turquoise dress lazily. My black leggings were slightly wrinkled, and I knew that my hair had to be a mess, but I couldn't bring myself to care very much. Maya climbed out after me, linking our arms together. It wasn't until she literally started dragging me that I realized that everyone else was already entering the restaurant, leaving us in their dust. Well, that's nice.

How did we even end up at this place? I couldn't even recall anyone suggesting a good restaurant, or having a vote on it or something else like that. The last thing that came to mind was jumping into the car and glancing out the window. Apparently that "glance" had lasted longer than I had anticipated.

"I think you might have been daydreaming, honey," Maya explained, tugging me towards the building's huge doors. It only took a fleeting glimpse inside to realize that the place was extremely crowded, almost every single seat completely packed. I caught sight of the others just a few feet away, seemingly waiting to be directed to a seat. We caught up to them easily, Maya tugging away from me so she could whisper something in Farkle's ear. He paused before nodding, biting his bottom lip.

"Something like that," I murmured to no one in particular. It had all felt so real - I could even hear Lucas's voice from our heated discussion in my father's classroom that busy afternoon. It wasn't too long before everything came officially crashing down a couple months ago. Everyone had been stressed over their PSATS, which was my excuse for how he had constantly been acting out. Looking back, I regretted it. He didn't need someone to excuse his behavior. He had needed somebody to remind him that what he was doing all the time was wrong.

"Riley," a somewhat familiar voice said my name softly, almost like a caress. I turned around, coming face to face with Brandon. He was grinning, and it made no sense to me why. It took me a minute to realize that not everyone in the world was obsessively revisiting their memories whenever people left them alone. It was no wonder I rarely slept at night anymore. Or ever, actually. At least there was concealer to take care of unwanted purple circles. "What do you think of the place? My friends and I come here all the time, and I was wondering if you liked it."

I blinked slowly, still trying to snap back to the present day. "Um, it's awesome," I said lamely, looking around, although mostly for show. Honestly, I couldn't care less what this place looked like, or even the food they served. I was too busy convincing myself that if I continued revisiting those bitter memories, I might finally realize how and why everything went wrong so suddenly; unexpectedly.

And then maybe I could fix it.

Brandon's grin widened. "I was hoping you would say that. They serve the best food here, I swear It's like eating a piece of heaven. Or so my friend always says."

I forced an encouraging smile, rocking back and forth on the heels on my feet. The awkwardness felt stifling, but most likely only to me. Things tended to appear awkward to me even when they weren't. The only explanation I had for that was my habit to do or say something overly nervous or idiotic, but that was okay. It was perfectly fine to be unique. Even if it meant ending up in uncomfortable situations like these.

The waitress that appeared whisked us away to a nearby booth. Lucas, Alyssa, Farkle, and Missy sat on one side, whereas Brandon was wedged between Maya and I on the other side. Maya sat across from Farkle and they unknowingly leaned towards each other, speaking in rushed, soft whispers that none of us could quite make out. Alyssa rolled her eyes at them, whereas Missy smiled like it was endearing before tugging out her lip gloss. She applied it when Brandon wasn't looking, and dropped it back into her purse when she caught his eye. She tried to engage in a conversation with him, but unfortunately, it seemed like her efforts were going to waste. The reason why didn't make any sense to me at all.

The reason why her efforts were going to waste was because he was too busy watching me.

I didn't understand why, obviously, but tried to regard him as nicely as I could. He brought up one of his favorite Mortal Instruments book, which was, coincidentally, one of my favorites and he pretty much had me hooked. We talked about every single detail, probably spoiling the entire series for anyone who hadn't read it yet, but it was as if neither of us cared.

It was pretty fantastic, having such an innocent conversation with someone like this. Most of my conversations with my friends were too serious these days. We were all worrying about a million different things, and those were typically the subjects we chose to voice our concerns about. I tried prattling on and on about the series and its main characters to anyone who would listen, but it was usually pointless. There were always more important things that needed to be discussed instead.

I caught Lucas looking over at us a few times, but I didn't even risk a glimpse in his direction. I had tried being the bigger person earlier and he had treated me like freaking dirt. I was slowly beginning to grow tired of these games were kept playing with each other. Maybe it was time for a change.

Maybe it was time to finally move on.

The abrupt though struck me like a blow to the head and I cut off mid-sentence, my mouth suddenly going dry. There were quite a few things I never allowed myself to consider, not even when I was contemplating almost everything going on in my life late at night. Although I didn't feel like going into detail about a good majority of those things, terrified of the painful hole in my chest unintentionally reopening itself, but the thought I constantly tried to avoid was moving on.

Moving on meant letting go. And not just letting go of some relationship with a boy, but something I thought might last forever. I had given my everything to him, and I could have sworn he did the same exact thing with me, but apparently not. Letting go meant accepting that there was no hope for us; that this was the actual end, and no amount of distance or time could ever change that. If anything, it was simply worsen the situation.

Moving on meant letting go of Lucas Friar.

I wasn't ready for that.

"Riley, what's wrong?" Brandon asked, his eyebrows raising in surprise. I didn't say anything, not even when Maya reached over and gently shoved me with her hand. I flinched away, blinking quickly, trying to regain some amount of control over my own emotions. It felt like my heart was about to pound right out of my chest, it was beating so fast. And not in a good way, either. No, this was bad. This was all very, very bad.

I managed to take a subtle deep breath before reluctantly facing Brandon (and Maya) again. "Nothing is wrong. I just came to the realization that I'm the only person in the world that actually ships Simon and Clary. That sort of realization honestly knocks the breath out of you, of course."

Brandon chuckled before launching into a discussion why Jace and Clary belonged together, already trying to pull me over to that side. I forced a smile and a laugh at appropriate moments, not even bother to listen to what he was saying. First of all, my mind was forever set on Simon and Clary, and no amount of cute guys trying to change my mind could ever succeed.

Wait, did I just think of Brandon as "cute"?

I shrugged the thought of, blaming the mental slip on the fact that I was still recovering from my accidental freak out a couple moments ago. Although I did find myself watching Brandon while he talked, and a few things did catch my attention. Like the way his eyes lit up whenever he brought up another point, the intense passion he felt over this particular subject clearly shining through. His hair flopped slightly whenever he laughed, his pitch black bangs temporarily falling in front of his eyes before he instinctively brushed them away. The corners of his lips immediately tugged upwards whenever I faked a smile or a giggle over whatever he was saying, as if my happiness actually pleased him.

I found myself toying with a strand of my dark brown hair after awhile, like how Missy sometimes did whenever she was thinking hard on something. I twirled the lock of hair around my finger, and my smiles were no longer as forced as they had been just a few minutes ago. The drone of everyone else speaking faded into the background, and I found myself ordering the first dish I noticed on my menu when the waitress approached us again. I didn't even notice when she had walked away, my attention too fixated on Brandon.

Maybe moving on wouldn't be too awful if I had the right person by my side.

"Riley," another voice snapped, yanking me out of my muddled thoughts. I jerked my head over to where the person was sitting, feeling somewhat dazed. It was as if my personal outlook on literally everything was beginning to change. It was a bit of a relief to remind myself that sometimes life wasn't always so dark and dreary. It had its ups and downs, and sometimes you just needed the right person to point out the inevitable ups.

I blinked slowly, trying to snap myself out of my apparent daze. "Lucas," I said, then silently scolded myself. Back when we were dating, we did this sort of thing all the time - greeting each other by saying the other's name. Occasionally we switched it up and used cliche nicknames instead. He always used "sunshine," but I switched it up frequently. My favorite had always been "darling," though, mostly because it always got a laugh out of him.

I bit down roughly on my lower lip, feeling an unexpected pang of anger directed towards myself. How on earth was I ever going to move on if I kept reopening my wounds?

"Can I talk to you alone for a moment, please?" he asked, obviously struggling to keep his tone polite. Despite my hesitation, I found myself nodding almost reflexively, thankful that I was sitting on the outside. It took me a second to realize that Lucas had been, too.

And I never even noticed he was sitting right across from me. Huh. This whole moving on thing might be easier than I previously suspected.

He latched onto my wrist the second we were both standing on our feet, his grip firm yet gentle. I had never figured out how he had managed to do both whenever it came to this sort of thing (always it used to be hand holding instead back in the day). He pulled me across the restaurant and out the door, only skidding to an abrupt halt once we were completely outside. I noticed Brandon's car parked across from us, perfectly still, its shiny black paint reflecting the dim sunlight. It wasn't until then I realized that it was beginning to get overcast, the dark clouds looming over our heads, threatening to spill at any moment.

A summer rain. I always loved those.

"Why are you flirting with my stepbrother?" he almost spat, dropping my wrist.

I crossed my arms instantly, feeling a strange sense of deja vu. But no. I wouldn't go through this all over again. Especially not when it finally felt like I could actually breathe again. "It isn't your concern, Lucas, nor is it your business. Didn't you just say that he wasn't your family, anyway?"

Lucas's eyebrows furrowed together tightly, and I caught the annoyance in the simple movement. "Things change, remember?"

"You don't even know him!" I exclaimed in shock, accidentally catching the attention of multiple passerby. I flashed them all apologetic yet nervous smiles before snapping my head towards Lucas again, my smile fading right away.

Lucas smirked, although it seemed too forced. "And you do?"

"Much better than you know him," I hissed, struggling to remain somewhat quiet. I couldn't believe the nerve of him - after everything he said and did, he seriously believed he could do this? Drag me away from all of my friends and Alyssa, just to call me out on flirting with his new stepbrother?

Lucas snickered, nodding once. "Yeah, okay. You have fun with him. I'm guessing he's just looking for a girl to use, but hey, what do I know? It's probably perfectly normal for teenage guys to shamelessly hit on girls that they'll never see again after this little trip."

That was it. I was done. "You don't know that we won't see each other again. And like I said, it isn't your business either way. Newsflash, darling, we aren't a couple anymore!" I was raising my voice again, and I noticed people shooting me dirty looks from my peripheral vision, but it didn't matter one bit to me right now. "You cannot stride around acting like this when you've been itching to shove your tongue down Alyssa Allen's throat! Don't act all innocent, but I know you, Lucas. Somewhat, at least. I can tell what you want and it's her, which is totally fine. But don't you dare act upset once I finally get on my feet again. You moved on. Now it's my turn."

With that little speech still ringing in my own ears, I spun around, literally stomping back in the restaurant.

And this time, I left him in my dust, seemingly frozen on the concrete pavement leading into the building, the lightest drops of rain falling into his hair.

Maybe summer rain wasn't as great as I used to think.

. . .

 **A/N: This is the longest chapter I've written for this story! All because we hit 52 reviews! I can't believe it, you guys, this is absolutely incredible! You guys are honestly the greatest readers in the whole world. Thank you again! Feel free to leave your opinions on this chapter, it makes my day to hear your thoughts!**

 **Also, I don't own GMW. Please excuse the tiny author's note - headaches and author's notes do not fit well together, it seems.**


	7. Chapter 7

_"But in my world, there's only you."_

 _The words he whispered in my ear were soft, and I tilted my head up so I was facing him, my eyebrows furrowing together in confusion. "Huh?"_

 _Lucas smiled, although it seemed unusually tentative. "It's some lyrics from one of my favorite songs. It reminded me of you, and although I can't sing at all, I figured I would at least say them to you. Despite how awkward everything might be now."_

 _I laughed lightly, setting down my pencil and wrapping my arms around his neck. Truthfully, we were supposed to be studying. Lucas said he studied best with music, but for me it was the total opposite - silence was a necessity. So he was sitting across his bedroom with his cell phone and ear buds, while I was sitting at his desk, trying to jam some learning into my head for our upcoming history test. Having your father as your history teacher didn't mean you got to slack off. At all. "It isn't awkward, it's sweet."_

 _Lucas rolled his eyes teasingly, gently kissing my cheek. "Right, whatever you say, sunshine," he mumbled before trailing his lips down, softly kissing along my jaw line. I bit my bottom lip, reluctantly tugging away._

 _"We're supposed to be studying, darling," I reminded him._

 _He laughed, shaking his head to himself. "I know. Why do you insist on calling me darling?"_

 _"Because it suits you. Now, shush. Abraham Lincoln's life story is calling my name."_

 _. . ._

"Can we please get out of Rileytown?" Maya asked, lightly jabbing me with her finger. I pulled away from her, my face heating up in humiliation. It was the morning after we all went out for dinner. Maya had been trying to convince me to head downstairs awhile back ago, but I wasn't having it. Apparently I ended up slipping back into another one of my memories while she was babbling.

I smiled, despite the weight I felt in my stomach. Revisiting the memories was like pouring salt into a fresh wound on purpose, but it was addictive. It didn't matter how many conversations with different guys, nor how many disagreements Lucas and I got into. I always ended up falling back into those memories, wondering where everything went completely wrong. "Sorry. I guess I'm still sort of tired."

She snorted. "Sort of? Riles, you've been zoning out like this for weeks now. This isn't exactly a recent development."

"We should go get some breakfast," I mumbled, pointedly dodging the conversation. She always tried to have this conversation with me, but it was pointless. Confessing some of my thoughts to Missy had been risky enough. I knew Maya would never betray my trust, but it wasn't her I was worried about. People did have hearing, after all. It would be just my luck that Lucas or Alyssa would overhear anything that I wanted to keep from them if I spoke my thoughts aloud. There really was no excuse for why I dodged the blunt questions she would ask me at our sacred bay window every other day, though.

Maya heaved a sigh. "Yeah, now she wants to go downstairs," she muttered to herself. Nonetheless, she slid off our shared bed and followed me out the door.

I skidded to an abrupt halt when I vaguely heard music from one of the bedrooms. Blinking slowly, it took me a moment to realize that it was from the first bedroom - the one Lucas and Farkle had. But it certainly wasn't the type of music Farkle Minkus would ever willingly listen to.

"You go on ahead," I found myself saying, fleetingly glancing over at my best friend. "I'll be down in a couple minutes."

She raised her eyebrows. "Are you sure?"

"Positive, peaches. Now, shoo," I added somewhat teasingly, gently nudging her towards the staircase. She was still clearly hesitant, but eventually shrugged it off, walking down the stairs. I waited until I was sure she couldn't see me anymore before knocking on Lucas and Farkle's bedroom door, despite the fact that it was ajar. I guessed that barging in probably wouldn't improve the complications we had been having with each other as of late.

I waited awhile, fiddling with a loose thread on my dark purple blouse, before the door abruptly swung open. "Riley?" Lucas blurted, obviously caught off guard. He was dressed, fortunately, wearing his typical black getup, but his hair was messy, as if he hadn't gotten the opportunity to brush it quite yet. Or maybe that was just how he had been wearing it lately. There was really no way to tell - I had been keeping myself from noticing those kinds of things about him recently. Thank goodness.

"Lucas," I said, mostly due to instinct. There was a brief flash of a grim smile on his features before it faded, leaving faster than it had appeared. "Good morning."

He smirked, although this one had no traces of teasing in it. It was conniving; bitter. The smirk matched his attitude lately perfectly. It was impressive. "Yeah, 'morning. Why are you hovering outside of my bedroom?"

"Well, I-"

"You're probably here to see Farkle," he murmured, answering his own question. "As you can see, he isn't around, so just go hang out with Brandon or something. I'm kind of busy right now."

The lyrics to the song he was listening to sounded strangely familiar. The music wasn't exactly blaring (an actual shocker), so it wasn't too easy to catch all the words. I forced what I hoped was a simple smile, rocking back and forth on the heels of my feet. "Can I come inside?"

His eyebrows raised quickly, as if my question had actually surprised him, before he eventually shrugged. "I don't care," he said, backing up a couple feet so I could enter. I smiled again, this one actually sincere, hesitantly stepping inside. The song was beginning to come to an end, that much was painfully obvious, but it was much easier to hear the lyrics now.

"Love is all around you, your universe is full. But in my world, there is only you."

It was the song. The same song that he had told me reminded him of me, the same lyrics he had whispered in my ear that afternoon we had been studying in his bedroom. It was only a couple weeks before he started acting out, before everything slowly started to change. It was even before he confronted me about supposedly flirting with Farkle in my father's classroom during lunchtime.

The nostalgia hit me unexpectedly, and I found myself trying to swallow past the thick lump in my throat. I leaned against the wall next to the door frame, trying to snap myself out of it. Sure, some things are easier said than done, but this really shouldn't be one of those things. Life was often unfair, but this was a new low. "Aren't you coming down for breakfast?" I managed to choke out, my voice sounding exceedingly different, even to myself.

If Lucas did catch on, he was skilled at hiding it. Or maybe it just didn't matter to him anymore. The song faded into a new one, which I fortunately didn't recognize, so I paid no attention to it. "I'm not hungry. Why do you even care?"

I did care. I cared more than I ever wanted to let on. "I don't," I lied reflexively, staring him straight in the face.

His expression remained as blank and empty as it had been moments before. "Congrats," he said snidely, arms crossing. "You seriously only came up here to ask me if I was heading downstairs for breakfast?"

"Yes." Wow, I was really getting better at this whole lying thing. My bad influence was rubbing off on me. Finally. "It's obvious now that was a huge mistake. I'll be going," I added awkwardly. Well, so much for Maya rubbing off on me. She was never awkward about anything. She was constantly fierce, always sure of the perfect way to handle everything that was thrown her way. Me ... not so much.

. . .

"Isn't it weird how technically Lucas came out here to visit his mom but he hasn't been spending any time with her at all?"

I glanced over at Farkle, twiddling with the smartphone in my hands. "I guess," I mumbled, not understanding why exactly he was bringing this up. "Why does it matter?"

He shrugged, sitting down on the arm of the sofa so he was sitting besides me. Maya sat on my other side, her ear buds stuffed in her ears. Her music was playing so loud that I could even faintly make out the lyrics. Turns out she was a Lady Gaga fan. Who would have thought? "Maybe it doesn't matter, but it's just so strange. Why go across the country to visit a family member, and then never spend any time with them? Not only that, his mom is barely around, anyway. She's always hanging out with friends or something."

I remembered Lucas telling me that he never had the greatest relationship with his mother. Apparently that was one thing that actually never changed. Surprise, surprise. "It doesn't make any sense to me, either, Farkle. But at the same time, I don't see why it should matter to any of us. Lucas obviously doesn't want anything to do with us, so-"

"Wait, hold up," Farkle interrupted, holding up a single hand. "Are you serious? We talked a lot last night once we got home."

"Really?" I blurted, the disbelief plain in my voice.

Fortunately, it didn't seem to matter to Farkle. He only nodded. "Uh-huh. Maybe he just feels awkward around you, Riley. You guys did go out with each other for a few years. That's a perfectly acceptable reason for awkwardness."

"Two years," I mumbled under my breath before speaking up. "We're supposed to be friends still, Farkle. He promised we would still be close friends. So it doesn't make any sense."

"Hey, guys," Brandon jumped into our conversation. I clamped my mouth shut, the rest of my words suddenly glued to my tongue. Apparently I had more things I would never say aloud now. How wonderful. "What are we talking about?"

"New York and California," Farkle said smoothly. "We're comparing it, and shockingly enough, it's even more different than we had anticipated. Not just the weather, but also the culture itself." He then launched into an actual discussion about the cultural differences between the two states. I accidentally found myself drowning him out with my own thoughts, which were currently running wild through my mind.

It hadn't occurred to me that Lucas and Isabella had barely said ten words to each other. Even when she came to pick us up from the airport, their conversation with each other had been stiff and awkward (earning quite a few snickers from Maya and even Alyssa). It was as if they didn't even know how to talk to each other. And then she was never around anymore, despite the fact that, according to Brandon, she was a stay-at-home mom. How can you possibly be a stay-at-home mom if you're never actually home?

"Brandon, where's Isabella?" I asked abruptly, cutting Farkle off mid-sentence. He shot mean offended look, which caused me to smile apologetically. I had never fancied interrupting people when they were talking, even if the topic didn't interest, but desperate times called for desperate measures. This was one of those times.

He shrugged, his pitch black hair flopping in front his eyes. He didn't brush his bangs away yet, instead pointlessly looking around the living room. "Uh, I dunno. I heard a car take off about thirty minutes ago, so maybe she left. Any reason?"

I shook my head. "No reason. I'll be right back," I tacked the second part on almost absentmindedly, hopping up and skipping up the stairs.

There was still the quietest hints of music playing from Lucas and Farkle's bedroom, but the door was completely closed this time. Although I would probably regret it later on, I lightly knocked on the door, dropping my hand after a moment and nervously fiddling with my fingers. The door opened after a moment, and there he was.

His hair was still messy, sticking up at different angles, but there was a crooked smile on his face. It was a sight for sore eyes. "Somehow I knew it was you again. Let me guess, you want to know if I'm going down for lunch? The answer is still no, sunshine."

I bit my bottom lip hard, barely restraining myself from reminding him that he couldn't call me that anymore. "It has nothing to do with lunch," I said hastily. His expression softened a little more, but I could tell that he still had his guard up. "We should do something together."

The fact that his mother didn't want anything to do with her own son was annoyingly terrible. It stung, too, all because I knew it had to be hurting him, but I tried to shrug that part off. He wasn't supposed to call me sunshine, and I wasn't supposed to feel his pain anymore. It was fairly simple.

"What?" he asked, clearly caught off guard.

"We should go for a drive," I heard myself saying, although I didn't exactly recall giving my mouth permission to speak. "Brandon's keys are on the table next to the front door. We can grab them, and you can even drive. The only catch is that I get shotgun this time around."

Lucas paused, still wary, before finally shrugging and nodding once. "Yeah, okay. You get the keys, I need to find my jacket. It's supposed to rain again today."

"Okay. But brush your hair, will you, please? It looks like a haystack."

He smirked widely. "Sure. Whatever you want, sunshine."

It didn't even occur to me to correct him this time.

. . .

 **A/N: Hi, everyone! Unfortunately, I have to hurry this afternoon, but I wanted to thank you all so much for your wonderful reviews! It honestly means so much to me, and I cannot thank you enough. You guys are all incredible!**

 **I don't own Girl Meets World. ow. My heart.**


	8. Chapter 8

_"We should sneak out."_

 _I rolled my eyes at Lucas, fleetingly glancing up from my book. "Sneak out? You're kidding me, aren't you? You literally just sneaked in, for crying out loud. If we sneak out, my parents are going to murder us both."_

 _Lucas chuckled, plopping down besides me on my bed and gently tugged my book out of my hands, dropping it on his lap. "Riley, come on. Live a little. It isn't like we're going to be around forever. Shouldn't we make some good memories first?"_

 _"There's a huge difference between making good memories and getting grounded for the rest of our lives. You know Rachel wouldn't approve, either." He had been acting out like this more and more frequently. At first I had blamed stress, but that made no sense. We didn't have any upcoming important tests, and everything was perfectly fine in his life. So why was he so intent on getting himself kicked out of the state itself?_

 _He shrugged. "I don't care. Sunshine, come on, let's think this through."_

 _"Let's," I agreed, already up for the challenge. "If we sneak out of my bedroom, and get caught, we have the risk of either getting grounded until college, or murdered by my overprotective father. But if we stay here quietly when my parents are already asleep, we can actually live."_

 _Lucas scoffed. "All right, you put in your opinion, and now it's my turn. What if we don't get caught and end up having the time of our lives? It's a Saturday night, it isn't like we even have school tomorrow. Why are you so freaked out?"_

 _"Because," I said, struggling to keep my tone light, "it's basically midnight. Which means we're past my curfew. Which means my dad would personally chop us both up into a million tiny pieces."_

 _"If he catches us."_

 _"Which he would. Lucas, can't we just play it safe for once?"_

 _He exhaled, seemingly impatient. He had been acting impatient almost every single second of everyday lately, though, so it wasn't exactly a big surprise. You get accustomed to it after awhile. "Riley, I'm honestly not trying to offend you here, but you do that all the time. You have to start taking risks every once in awhile."_

 _"He says to the girl who helped her boyfriend sneak into her bedroom at midnight," I said teasingly. He chuckled, wrapping an arm around my waist and gently kissing my temple._

 _"Touche, sunshine. But I promise you, I'll get you to take some risks someday in the near future."_

 _I rolled my eyes again, although this time it was out of playfulness, as opposed to actual irritation. "I would love to see that day, darling."_

 _. . ._

"I can't believe you came up with an idea so ... _so_ -"

Holding up my hand, the car keys in my fist, I interrupted. "Reckless and risky? Maybe I learned from the best," I added sarcastically, tossing Lucas the keys. He caught them easily, opening his mouth before clamping it shut again. After a moment he finally laughed, walking towards the car and pressing the button that unlocked it.

I climbed inside once he did, trying to ignore the kick of adrenaline in my veins when he looked over at me. There was the smallest hint of a smile on his face, though his eyebrows were furrowed slightly. It was as if something was stumping him, but he wasn't too certain what it actually was. "Maybe you did," he mumbled after a moment, stuffing the keys in the ignition.

This was probably the craziest thing I had ever done. Recklessness had never honestly been my thing, obviously. Maya called me her moral compass for a reason, after all. But maybe Lucas had been right about one little thing all those weeks ago. Sometimes you do have to take an insane, and most likely completely pointless risk. Not to impress the people around you. But to make memories that you'll remember forever.

"Where are we going?" he asked once we had buckled our seat belts. Apparently neither of us were feeling reckless enough that we would decide to illegally ditch our seat belts. Knowing him, it was a bit of a surprise. This was Lucas Friar we were talking about, and lately taking daring risks had become his absolute favorite hobby. No matter what the consequences might be in the long run. He took living in the moment to all new extremes even Maya had never heard of.

I shrugged. "You know the city better than I do. What's even around here, anyway?"

"Places," he muttered, staring blankly at the keys in the ignition. It was weird to see how quickly his mood could shift. He could go from looking really happy and excited to acting like someone just told him that his childhood pet had passed away unexpectedly. It didn't made any sense.

"Have you talked to your mom recently?" I blurted unthinkingly. He jerked his head up abruptly, his eyes widening slightly in surprise over my question. I blushed a deep shade of magenta, the kind of color that would probably make other colors envious, but I didn't take the question back, either. First of all, when you say something aloud, you can never actually take it back. Sure, you can forget it later on, and maybe the person you're talking to can, as well. But that doesn't mean you can ever take it back. That's like throwing a knife and embedding it in the wall, then acting like it never happened.

He recovered fairly quickly, shaking his head. "Nope, not really. She never really hangs around the house, but I'm guessing that's how it must always be like with her. Why do you ask?"

I cringed inwardly, my conversation with Brandon yesterday flashing through my mind. He had mentioned how Isabella was usually around. He said that he usually saw her all the time, so he couldn't really understand why she was suddenly acting so flighty. It was easy to see the real reason why she was rarely around anymore, though. In fact, I was looking the reason straight in the face.

"Just curious. You're probably right, though," I mumbled. Bringing up what Brandon had said would only hurt Lucas even more, and that was something that could be avoided, no problem. Because despite the things he had said to me, I still cared about him. I didn't want him getting hurt, and if protecting him from any kind of pain was a viable option, then I would do whatever it took.

Dad did always say that the truth inevitably came out eventually. But this had to be different. This truth could potentially break somebody's heart. So it had to be kept a secret for as long as possible. Preferably forever.

"You didn't really want to take a drive, did you?" Lucas asked after a moment, traces of mild amusement in his tone. His voice was unusually soft, something pretty unexpected considering the argument we got into in front of that restaurant, but it wasn't exactly unappreciated, either. Fixing our friendship was currently my number one priority. Hopefully repairing everything that had been damaged could help me with accepting that we're actually over, and then move on.

The thought filled me with a gripping despair, but I found myself plastering a playful smile on my face nonetheless. It wouldn't do any good for him to see how horrible I felt inside. It would only bring him down even more. Keeping it locked up inside was the best and only solution. "You can read me like a book."

"I'm hoping I'll end up breaking your cover after awhile," he said quietly.

My eyebrows furrowed together tightly in confusion. "Wait a second. What are you talking about?"

"The facade you're putting up," he explained as if it was the simplest, clearest thing in the world. "Something has been bothering you for a long time now, sunshine. And it's my personal mission to figure out what it is."

So apparently I wasn't as talented at fooling people and keeping them out as I used to think. The realization felt like what I assumed getting hit by a Mack truck would feel like. If he had seen through everything, did Maya, too? Farkle? For all I knew, Alyssa had seen through it the day we arrived in California. It would explain why she had -shockingly- been keeping her distance from me recently, and even laying off on some of the snide remarks. No one wants to hang around a sad teenage girl, especially not Alyssa Allen.

I shook my head, making sure to keep my expression impassive. Don't let him in. Don't let him see. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're depressed," he murmured after a moment, his eyebrows raising in shock over his apparent conclusion. "That's why you've been acting differently lately. You're depressed."

It felt like a slap in the face. Not just a tiny little slap either, no, this one stung more than I could have ever imagined. It was like getting abruptly slapped in the face with a brick, or possibly a school bus. Or both, back to back. "You know, people say we see things as we actually are," I said suddenly, hoping to God that I was making some semblance of sense. "So doesn't that translate into Lucas Friar actually being the one that's so sad and dark inside?"

His face paled, but he didn't say anything.

I took that as my cue to continue. "You told me a long time ago that everybody has their own personal demons from hell haunting them every single day of their lives. No matter what you do, no matter who you surround yourself with, they're still at the back of your mind. You said that it rarely mattered how much you cared about the people around you, because you can still feel alone, courtesy of your lovely little demons. That's what you're going through, isn't it? That's why you've been acting out, that's why you've been so reckless these past few months. It was all a cover, wasn't it?"

Saying these things aloud and seeing the expression on his face while I spoke made me feel like a blind woman seeing the sun for the very first time. It was all making perfect sense now, the things he did that nearly caused him to get kicked out of school yet again, the flippantly sarcastic comments, the eye rolling, the depressing music he had become so intensely infatuated with. All along, he had been even sadder than I was now.

Lucas swallowed hard, but quickly shook his head. "You don't know what you're talking drop it, Riley." For the first time in forever, his voice didn't have any traces of bitterness or resentment in it. It almost sounded like he was pleading - an actual first for this boy. The only time he had ever pleaded with anyone was when his mother had insisted he move out to California with her after we graduated from the eighth grade. He had always appeared to be so calm and collected and certain of life.

And it had all been a facade.

"You're wrong. I do know what I'm talking about." I was raising my voice now, but definitely not because I was upset or angry. This was the first breakthrough I had made with him in ages. Not only that, this was probably the most important breakthrough of all. It finally made sense why he had done everything two months ago, as did his current attitude whenever I spoke to him. "Lucas, why wouldn't you tell me about this? Or our friends? We could have helped you-"

"I don't need anyone's stupid help," he snapped, biting his bottom lip harshly. I vaguely hoped that he wouldn't draw blood. The sight of blood always made me knees weak and my stomach churn, and right now really wasn't the greatest time to pass out. "I need you to drop the subject, all right?"

"No," I said firmly, crossing my arms stubbornly. "And you do need help, Luca-"

"Riley," he said softly, reluctantly turning so he was looking me in the eyes again. There was an unexpected vulnerability in his typically bright green eyes. They looked dull somehow, as if someone had literally sucked all the light out of him. "I'm begging you. Let it go, please."

He knew that was impossible for me. "I can't," I said gently, hesitantly resting my hand on his knee. He paused, briefly glancing down at my hand before looking back up at me. The look in his eyes was different now - and it was easy to catch the hint of recklessness in his green orbs.

"I just want to be there for you," I whispered. The desperation in my voice was obvious, which would usually be something worthy of intense humiliation or, at the very least, temporary embarrassment. Not now, though. There were much more important matters at hand. "Please let me be here for you. We're friends, and this is what friends are supposed to do."

Lucas shook his head, lightly brushing my hand off his knee. I fiddled with my fingers awkwardly, my cheeks a faint shade of pink. The embarrassment was finally kicking in. "Nothing is wrong with me, sunshine. You're just reading into things."

"Why would you even need your own personal ray of sunshine if none of this was true?" I asked hesitantly, my hands limply resting in my lap now.

He paused for a moment, seemingly caught off guard from my question, before the corners of his lips twitched upwards, ever so slightly. "Maybe you've got me there, Riley."

"So why won't you let me-?"

He held up a single hand, silencing me. "It isn't that I don't appreciate what you're offering, but it's just too predictable. People always offer to be there for the angsty guy, but then they see how screwed up they seriously are inside, and then they go running. That's something hopefully avoidable when it comes to you, but at the same time, it isn't exactly worth the risk."

"I would never go running."

Lucas smirked, but it appeared to be somewhat forced. "Sure you wouldn't. That's what everyone always says, Riley. And maybe they do mean it at the time, but things change constantly. You know that better than anyone. Would you risk it if the roles were reversed?"

I thought about my hesitation over every word I spoke lately. The terror I felt after confessing some of my personal feelings to Missy, who was one of my closest and sweetest friends. How I was desperate to keep everything hidden from Maya, Farkle, my parents, and the rest of my family, too. Even how I wouldn't say a word of this to Lucas if it meant saving the entire world.

We were in the similar situations, just for different reasons. And I couldn't even bring myself to confess this to him, even if it meant possibly helping him out. I was so pathetic.

"I don't know," I managed to choke out somehow. Thankfully. There was no need to sit there like a lump without anything to say. "But we're not the same people, Lucas. We do different things, obviously."

"Yeah. I get kicked out of school, you're practically a genius who gets straight As. I can see the difference between us very clearly, Riley, there's no need to remind me," he said, somewhat sarcastically. "Can we just go back inside if we aren't going anywhere?"

I nodded, my shoulders slumping. Apparently my help was unwanted. Maybe that was why he had been spending so much time with Alyssa recently. For all I knew, she was helping her out and that was the reason why he didn't need me around anymore. I unbuckled my seat belt somewhat roughly, my annoyance for life finally shining through, before I reached over to open my door.

It was stuck.

"Lucas, did you lock the doors or something?" I asked tentatively, still pushing at the door. It wouldn't budge, no matter how hard I pushed. It was almost like there was something on the other side that was purposely keeping it from open.

"It's probably stuck, Missy had some problems opening it when she had shotgun last night," he mumbled, unbuckling his own seat belt and smoothing out his black t-shirt. "Here, let me help," he added, reaching over and pushing at it. It still didn't budge, so he moved closer, literally hovering over me now. He turned slightly so he could glance at me, his lips parting to say something else, before freezing.

There was barely any distance at all between us. I heard a strange noise, and it took me a brief moment to realize that it was my breath catching in my throat. "Oh," I breathed quietly, my voice coming out even shakier than usual. He hesitated, still not moving a single inch, but leaning towards me slowly.

"Just tell me to stop and I will. I promise."

It felt like someone had ripped my voice box out and threw it on the ground before stomping on it repeatedly. Needless to say, it felt impossible to say anything at all. But maybe that was because I didn't want him to stop. I didn't want him to pull away, I didn't want anymore distance between us, emotionally or physically.

I still loved him.

That was the second thing I had never allowed myself to think, not even late at night when I thought about everything going on in my life. It was just one of those things that I always knew deep down, but honestly wanted it to stay deep down until further notice. I always thought "care" whenever describing my feelings for him to myself. I cared about him. I could never, ever remember how much I loved him - that was the promise I made to myself. I had even been intending to keep it. But life is a real mess sometimes, and it seemed like this was going to be one of those occasions.

Now that the thought was out, it was like I couldn't possibly bury it again. It kept bouncing around in my head - I loved him, I loved him. God, I loved him so much.

Loving someone was not like a light switch. You couldn't just flip it off when you wanted it go away. It stayed with you, no matter how much you wished that it wouldn't. No matter how deep you buried it inside.

I vaguely noticed a shadow looming outside the window, but simply brushed it off, figuring that it was most likely just becoming overcast again. My weather app said that it was supposed to rain today. But then again, I had never switched it over from New York to California.

It didn't matter. Lucas was smiling again, a true, genuine smile as he leaned closer. Our lips had just brushed when-

"What the hell are you two _doing_?"

. . .

 **A/N: DUN, DUN, DUN. Happy Halloween, everybody! Haha, I even tricked myself into thinking that Riley and Lucas would kiss, but my fingers and inspiration had a different idea. Sorry about that, darlings. Feel free to leave your opinions on this chapter! It honestly makes my entire day to hear what you guys think. You're wonderful! Also, are you dressing up for Halloween today? If so, who are you going as? I'm dressed up as Riley Matthews, little fangirl that I am. :D**

 **Also, I own Girl Meets World. Wait, no I don't. Got myself here, too.**


	9. Chapter 9

_"You're breaking up with me, aren't you?"_

 _His expression had traces of unexpected vulnerability, his green eyes pleading instead of emotionless. It was such a surprising sight that it took me a moment to remember what I was planning on saying to him. Pretending I couldn't feel the sudden lump in my throat, I managed to weak nod. "I am." Saying the words aloud burned painfully, like how I assumed swallowing acid might feel like. There was a bitter, metallic taste in my mouth and it took me a minute to realize that I had bit down on the inside of my cheek, accidentally drawing blood._

 _It didn't matter. The look on his face hurt more than anything in the world._

 _"Of course you are," he mumbled after a long moment, pressing his lips together tightly. I didn't say anything, subtly holding a breath in case he decided to start yelling at me. Maybe I would deserve it if he did. Although the things he had been doing were what led to this, that was no excuse for giving up so soon. I was supposed to be Riley Matthews, the girl who never gave up on anyone or girl who would sacrifice everything if it meant that it would make someone else happy._

 _But maybe I wasn't Riley Matthews anymore. It was just a name - a label. My personality didn't fit with my name anymore, though._

. . .

"Why in the world would you almost kiss Ranger freaking Rick?"

I turned to Maya, a blank expression on my face. "I don't know, you seemed to have a blast watching us, so why don't you tell me?" I asked with a hint of sarcasm in my voice, forcing a small smile so she wouldn't think I was actually upset. It would be understandable to be upset if she had been eavesdropping, but that wasn't even what she was doing. Farkle told her that I said I would be right back, but ended up walking out with Lucas instead. It had worried her and she assumed that something had to be wrong, considering the fact that Lucas and I currently weren't on the greatest terms. So she decided to go looking for us, although her search had taken less time than she had anticipated. She ended up finding us within a couple minutes.

Lucas had gotten out of the car without saying a single thing to either of us. It filled me with a sense of dread while I watched him leave, unwanted feelings of nostalgia hitting me while I watched his retreating figure. If I had done things differently a few months ago, we wouldn't be in this terrible situation. We would just be Lucas Friar and Riley Matthews. We would still be able to talk to each other. But instead we ended up falling apart. Not just our relationship, but our friendship, too.

It was horrible. He had been one of my favorite people to talk to from the first day I met him, but now I couldn't think of a single thing to say to him anymore. Especially not after our almost kiss in Brandon's car.

Fortunately, Maya had a knack for constantly being sneaky, so she ended up dropping the keys on the table near the front door and acting like they had never been gone. Brandon never even noticed. It was amazing.

Right now, though, wasn't too amazing. It was about an hour after dinnertime (another meal that Lucas had ended up skipping, despite the fact that Isabella and Jasper were actually present tonight), and Maya was finally grilling me about the almost kiss. It didn't make any sense to her why I would let him be so close to me, both physically and emotionally. The explanation was hanging on the tip of my tongue, but it wouldn't fly off like I wanted it to. She wouldn't believe me if I said I thought he was ... depressed, and even if she did, she wouldn't understand why I didn't just push him away. She thought all my feelings for Lucas had faded away a long time ago, and I wasn't too keen on correcting her.

Still, the realization I came to in the car kept bouncing around my entire mind. I loved him still, and that was obviously something that I had known the whole time, throughout every little thing we had gone through both together and apart. I was torn between reprimanding myself for this fro the rest of my life, and feeling ecstatic because that almost kiss implied that he might still feel the same away about me, too. Which was, of course, another thing I could never admit to Maya. Not until her friendship with Lucas was fixed, anyway.

It took me a brief second to remember that I was supposed to be having a conversation with Maya.I tuned back into the conversation, only picking up on the last part of what she was saying. "... and he hurt you! He practically broke your heart, Riles. Why would you go back to him?"

There was really no "practically" about him, he completely tore me apart. But it wasn't like I was the Queen of Niceness to him, either. "Who says I'm going back to him? He almost kissed me, big deal. Our lips didn't actually touch." They only brushed. He flinched back like he had been freaking tasered when he heard Maya's voice, anyway.

Maya exhaled, apparently sighing in relief. "Okay, good. No offense, I know you can fend for yourself. But I don't want him hurting you again. You don't deserve it."

I faked another tiny smile, making sure to keep my mouth shut at the same time. It would be just my luck to let something slip that would completely wreck my best friend's entire outlook on life itself. And I was fairly certain that if she found out I still have strong feelings for Lucas, that's exactly what it would do. It was totally avoidable - as long as I stayed quiet.

Still, I somehow found myself jumping off my bed, laughing only somewhat nervously. Not enough for her to realize that anything might possibly be wrong. "I'll be right back. I think I left my cell phone downstairs, and you know my dad. He freaks out if I don't text him every other hour."

Maya nodded. "Yeah, Matthews is kinda psycho. Want me to help you look?"

"No!" I exclaimed quickly. Too quickly. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, and I forced another awkward and unnecessary laugh. This is what most people would call overkill. "No, no, it's perfectly fine. I'll find it on my own. Besides, I think Alyssa in downstairs, and I wouldn't want to subject you to that."

She cringed. "Oh, jeez. All right, good luck dealing with the wicked witch of the Big Apple."

I smiled weakly before heading out our bedroom door, making sure to close it behind myself so she couldn't see where I was actually going. I paused for a long moment, making sure that she didn't decide to randomly tag along before hesitantly walking towards Lucas and Farkle's door. It was ajar, just like it had been this morning, but this time I found myself gently nudging it open with my foot, hesitantly glancing inside.

And immediately wished that I hadn't.

Lucas was there, all right, but it wasn't Farkle that was with him. It was a girl about my height with long, flowing blond hair and very pale skin. He was stumbling backwards with her, gently pressing her against the wall before abruptly connecting their lips, tangling a single hand in her perfect hair.

Alyssa. Lucas was kissing Alyssa Allen.

My breath caught in my throat and I stepped away from the door, silently shutting it once I was out of the doorway. There was adrenaline pumping in my veins, but not the good kind that made you feel alive. This was the sort of adrenaline that was best friends with painful stomachaches and stinging eyes and lumps that conveniently lodge themselves in someone's throat. The kind that makes you feel like the entire world is crashing down and burning and there isn't a single thing you can do to salvage the situation. You're just stuck, because for some insane reason this is what life has decided to do to your. And you can't change it.

I stumbled away from Lucas and Farkle's room, trying to take a deep breath, trying to make this horrible feeling inside go away at least a little bit. But it was pointless. All I could feel was the excruciating ache in my chest, tearing me apart inside. It felt like somebody had torn parts of my out and stolen them forever, never to return. It felt like I had been destroyed.

And maybe that was because I had been.

I sank down to the floor, the soft, beige carpeting feeling almost comforting. I tightly gripped it, trying to keep myself from digging my nails into my skin. It was a wasted effort - I still found myself harshly digging my nails into the palms of my hands, some part of me convinced that the physical pain would distract me from the emotional anguish.

It didn't. I barely even felt the physical pain.

"Riley?"

I snapped my head up somewhat instinctively, glancing up at Brandon. I vaguely felt wetness on my face when I went to brush my hair out of my eyes, and it took me a moment to realize that I was crying. I quickly wiped the traitor tears away, forcing a shaky laugh. It sounded fake to my own ears, but hopefully Brandon wouldn't catch on. "Hey," I said softly. Even my voice sounded completely different. Almost empty; emotionless. "What's up?" I asked hesitantly.

He shook his hair, his pitch black hair flopping around before he sank down besides me on the floor. He leaned against the wall like I was, smiling a little. It caused the pain in my chest to feel even worse; more prominent. The thought of smiling and happiness was too far away, impossible to reach right now. I was too busy being strangled by my own thoughts. "Is something wrong?"

I shook my head reflexively, definitely not wanting to talk to him about it. Sometimes it feels better to just lock it all inside, burying it deep within, and apparently now was one of those frequent occasions. "Nothing's wrong. I'm just a little tired." The last few words sounded pained to my own ears, but I still tried to hope that he wouldn't catch on.

It was easier said than done. I barely cared if he did catch on - it felt like a good majority of all of my hope in the universe had just been sucked out of me.

Brandon nodded slowly, and I couldn't tell if it was in disbelief or not. It didn't matter either way. I sincerely doubted that he would understand either, considering the fact that he barely knew either of us. Although he did know me better than he knew ... Lucas -thinking his name felt like a punch in the chest, and I vaguely wondered if this feeling was ever going to fade away- so that was something. But it still wasn't enough. We might as well be strangers compared to my relationships with Maya, Farkle, and Missy. Talking to them about this was always a viable option, but I had successfully tricked Farkle and Maya into thinking that I didn't have any feelings for Lucas anymore. There was still Missy, but she had her own demons, too. She didn't need mine chasing her around, as well.

I tore my gaze away from him, reluctantly focusing on the door in front of us. Coincidentally enough, it was Lucas's door, and I felt another sharp pang while I briefly imagined what he must be doing with Alyssa in there. He was seventeen, he was sixteen. It wasn't like when we kissed in my room back in eighth grade. They were almost grown adults. And I had a pretty good idea of what they were probably up to at the moment.

I bit down roughly on my lower lip, trying to convince myself that I was just overreacting. That there was nothing to worry about. But how exactly do you kill a single feelings without killing all of your other feelings, too? I didn't want to lose everything.

"Is this something about Lucas?" Brandon asked after awhile, breaking me out of my muddled thoughts. I didn't bother looking over at him while I shook my head this time, not wanting to risk looking him in the eyes. He wasn't one of my best friends. It shouldn't hurt to see his face after what I had just seen. But he was still a person that I really cared about, and the thought of glancing at him after he pretty much hit the nail right on the head was horrible. It couldn't happen. Not yet, I wasn't ready to really face anyone yet.

I caught sight of him nodding again in my peripheral vision, but this time it was even slower. So it was from disbelief. "You guys went out for awhile, didn't you? That's what Farkle told me, anyway."

Damn Farkle.

The thought shocked me, especially since I rarely cursed. I was becoming even less like myself that I had previously anticipated. Then again, nothing that had been happening recently had been expected, so maybe this shouldn't come as such a gigantic surprise to me. "Yeah, we did," I reluctantly admitted. There was no reason to try to hide it anymore. Too many people around here knew the truth. They had, after all, been there for almost the entire story. But now the story was over, and it was too modern for my own liking. No happily ever afters. Only one-sided heartbreak and false hope.

"For two years?" he pressed gently.

How much had he asked Farkle about? Not only that, how much did Farkle actually tell him? "Yeah," I answered, even more reluctant this time. I still didn't understand guys. Why would he be asking Farkle about my past relationship with Lucas -it still stung, but I was already getting accustomed to it- like that? Why not just ask me or Lucas? And why start interrogating me about it now, of all times?

It probably would have been easier to figure all of this out if it wasn't for the Lucas and Alyssa situation. It was as if that one thing had completely wiped all my of sense out, replacing it with bitter thoughts and more gaping wounds in my chest.

"But he's with that Alyssa girl now, isn't he?"

Ouch. "Yes."

"And you don't still have feelings for him. Do you?" he asked, actually sounding somewhat nervous.

Lie, my mind practically screamed. Telling the truth never got me anywhere. Maybe it was finally time to have a little fun. "Of course I don't. He's like just a friend." The words tasted horrible on my mouth, like eating rotten food, but I didn't bother taking them back, either. Lucas was clearly infatuated with Alyssa now, so all I had to do was convince myself that we were just platonic friends and then everything would be perfectly fine.

Brandon cracked another small, tentative smile. I eventually glanced over at him, slowly raising my eyebrows. "So it would be okay if I did something crazy?"

"That depends." My voice was even, which caused another pang of sadness to pop up. If Lucas had said something like that to me, I most likely would be a nervous wreck. Instead, I was perfectly calm.

Brandon was still obviously hesitant, but he after awhile he seemed to recover from whatever was apparently holding him back. He slowly leaned towards me, and the feeling of deja vu unexpectedly hit, swallowing up all my other emotions like they were nothing. Except for the crushing sadness, though. That one was too strong for any other emotion to beat it.

"You're going to kiss me now, aren't you?" I asked softly, my voice sounded even more empty than earlier.

And that's exactly what he did.

. . .

 **A/N: DON'T SHOOT PLEASE. Hey, everybody! So, now that you're hopefully putting down your weapons, I wanted to thank you for all your reviews. We officially have ninety reviews! This is so incredible, and I cannot thank you enough. This is probably asking for too much, but do you think we could reach one hundred reviews with this chapter? It's perfectly fine if not, I just love hearing what you guys think! So, feel free to leave some of your thoughts!**

 **Also, I don't own Girl Meets World. Ahh. This never stops hurting, does it?**


	10. Chapter 10

_"Do you remember that kid you had feelings for back in eighth grade?"_

 _I raised my eyebrows at Lucas, barely suppressing a smile. We were supposed to be studying, which is the one and only reason why my father was currently allowing us to hang out alone in my bedroom. On the condition that we kept my door wide open, of course. He kept popping his head in, thinking he was being subtle. Admittedly, he was about as subtle as a freaking grenade. "Yeah, his name was Lucas Friar, wasn't it?"_

 _Lucas rolled his eyes, gently draping an arm around my shoulders. "Very funny, sunshine. I'm not talking about me, though. The guy that was picking on Farkle 'cause you two used to go out."_

 _"Charlie Gardner," I said immediately. The name still tasted bitter on my tongue, and I instinctively scrunched my nose up in disgust. "What about him?"_

 _"Didn't he go and move to California or something? That's what he disappeared suddenly and stuff."_

 _I paused, trying to remember. I did vaguely recall my father mentioning something about Charlie transferring to California, although my thoughts had been a little muddled that afternoon. There was so much drama going on with Lucas, it was difficult to remember much of anything else. "Think so. Why are you bringing this up, though?"_

 _"I don't know. My mom wants me to visit her eventually, despite how distant she's always acting. I guess I'm just hoping we don't run into him if we ever do head out to Cali."_

 _"We?"_

 _Lucas chuckled lightly. "Like I'm going to go anywhere without you. I would prefer not leaving my other half behind while I go across the country again, sunshine." He said it as though it was the simplest, most obvious thing in the entire world. And for a moment, it was easy to forget all the things we had been going through recently. All the unwanted and unneeded drama, the seemingly endless misunderstandings, the occasional awkward silences that worried me constantly._

 _He was still my Lucas. I was still his Riley. Nothing was ever going to change that._

 _I smiled slightly, leaning up and gently pecking his lips, dropping my pencil onto my cluttered desk. Although I was usually a very organized person, this was, after all, exam season. Being organized was nearly impossible while you were barely living off of coffee and energy drinks so you could cram some knowledge into your own head. "I was hoping you would say something like that, darling."_

 _He laughed. "You're never going to let go of the nickname, are you?"_

 _"Of course I'm not. Then again, I'm never going to let go of you, either. Other half, right?"_

. . .

"Riley, I can't believe it's you."

I stared at him blankly, feeling my mouth go completely dry, mostly from surprise. It had been exactly a week since everything went down - since Lucas and I almost kissed. Since I caught him kissing Alyssa. And of course, since Brandon kissed me as if it was the most natural thing in the entire world. Things were, obviously, pretty awkward between everyone. Maya still couldn't comprehend why O had let Lucas so close to me while we were hanging out in Brandon's car. Not only that, she was confused as to why Brandon and I were barely speaking to each other. We had gone from developing what had the potential to be a really wonderful friendship to acting like total strangers again, the awkwardness between us suffocating.

That wasn't even our biggest problem. Missy clearly had taken an interest in Brandon, and she didn't even know that he had kissed me the other day. I had originally planned on mentioning it to her, but the second I opened my mouth she had interjected, abruptly blurting out that she was so excited to be hanging out in California and how great Brandon was. She kept going on and on about how he wasn't like any guy she had ever met, and despite the obvious distance between New York and California, she really wanted a steady relationship with him. That is, if he returned her feelings.

Needless to say, I had felt like a deer in headlights. Fortunately, she was too caught up in babbling about Brandon and his apparent greatness to catch onto how uncomfortable I was feeling. It had been getting easier and easier to hide it lately, and I almost had hope that she wouldn't ever find out that we had kissed and that maybe this was just an innocent little crush on her behalf. Hopefully the kind of thing she would get over long before we went back to the Big Apple.

Lucas and Alyssa were officially a couple. Not only that, they had no shame about PDA or whatever. Let's just say, the day I unintentionally saw them kissing in Lucas and Farkle's shared bedroom wasn't the only time I had seen them practically stuck to one another. I was trying not to think about that, though.

But, oh right. There was something even more shocking I was supposed to be dealing with at the moment.

"Charlie," I breathed, awkwardly laughing. He was staring at me almost hopefully, his green eyes filled with happiness over literally running into me. But those weren't the bright green eyes that had been haunting me in both my dreams and my nightmares. These were the green eyes I barely remembered these past few years. The green eyes that I used to trust, but God knows how often things can change. That's all life ever did.

"I didn't expect to see you here. Are you visiting someone?" he asked hesitantly, rocking back and forth on his feels. For some strange reason, it didn't even feel awkward. Then again, maybe this was just my final breaking point. Things that would seem awkward to other people were becoming painfully usual for me nowadays, so that might actually explain it.

I nodded, forcing a small smile. "I am. How have you been?" The subject change was abrupt, but there was no correct way to tell him I was visiting Lucas's mother with his other friends. Especially since I wasn't even certain it could count as that sort of visitation. We had barely even see Isabella, aside from dinnertime, but even that was only occasionally and usually very brief and uncomfortable. It was hard to tell whether or not it was still affecting Lucas. He was typically too busy shoving his tongue down Alyssa's throat to ever notice much of anything anymore.

"I've been all right. I did want to apologize again to you, though. These past few years have caused me to grow up quite a lot, and it's painfully obvious now that treating Farkle the way that I did was completely unnecessary and unfairly cruel. So, I'm really sorry. Again, that is," he added, chuckling almost nervously.

His words were barely sinking in. My thoughts had taken unfair advantage of the reference back to eighth grade, and it was currently having a blast bringing up a timeline of everything that had happened. The memory that stuck out the most was the first time Lucas had ever said he was in love with me. The very same day I found out his father was an alcoholic, which is why he had always been so closed off whenever he mentioned either of his parents. The memory was as clear as day, as if it had happened yesterday instead of a couple years ago. It was refreshing; a large majority of the memories I tried to bring up were always blurry and fuzzy, newer incidents causing them to fade into the background after awhile.

"It's fine," I mumbled after a moment. Admittedly, I wasn't paying attention to anything that I was saying, either. It was beginning to become easier than usual to drift off into one of my memories like this, even if I was around other people. It was something I always ended up regretting, though. Memories always remain the same, but people constantly changed. It was horrible.

Charlie grinned widely, seemingly ecstatic. Some part of me already regretted the two words I had uttered, but it was way too late to take them back now. "Thanks, Riley. Hey, do you maybe wanna hang out for awhile? We could catch up and stuff. Unless you're waiting for someone, that is." I stared at him without much emotion, which seemed to catch him off guard. "Like, maybe that boyfriend of yours? At least, I'm assuming that Friar's your boyfriend. You treated him like he was an angel back in eighth grade."

I flinched, but quickly forced a small smile to try to cover it up. There was no reason to make Charlie Gardner suspicious. Especially when I was already so cautious of his presence and intentions. "We broke up a couple months ago. Lucas is on this trip with me, but so are a lot of my other friends. So, no. There isn't anything going on between us anymore, he has a different girlfriend now and she's tagging along, too." I was babbling, that much was clear, but it was as if I couldn't hold back the inevitable word vomit any longer. These were all things he was going to find out if he actually was hanging around me, anyway. So I might as well tell him everything while we were still ahead.

His smile somehow widened. It stung to see someone else so happy, especially someone that ended up reminding me of some of the things I had been desperately trying to avoid. Even if it was completely unintentional, it did still occur. "You don't still have feelings for Friar, right?"

Why did everyone have to keep asking me that stupid question? If they kept it up, one of these days I was just going to snap and tell them the truth. And that's something that no one asking really wants to hear. "None at all," I lied fluently. Might as well give him the answer that he seemed to desire.

"So would you like to maybe go to the movies?"

"Sure," I said simply, although without much enthusiasm. I didn't even know what was currently playing in the theaters and I hadn't for a few weeks, but whatever. Hopefully he could just pick a good one. "But I'm buying popcorn and chocolate. It's my favorite combination."

. . .

"Was that a date or no?"

You had to admit, at least Charlie was very direct. He didn't seem to like playing games with people, and that was something that I needed right now. Especially after all the mixed signals from Lucas and even Brandon. "I guess so," I said quietly, sounding uncertain to my own ears. If I was planning on going out with anyone during this trip, it had been Lucas. But that had basically gone up in flames approximately seven days ago, and I had to move on eventually. My kiss with Brandon came to mind, and although I tried to bury it deep within, it was easier said than done. I didn't want to hurt anyone, but the lines were blurring with my relationships with everyone surrounding me, aside from Maya and Farkle. Things were even complicated with Missy because of her feelings for Brandon and my unresolved feelings for him.

Charlie smiled. It was nice to be able to make someone else happy again. It had been too long since I had the satisfaction of making somebody else smile like that. "So would it be acceptable if I kissed you?" he asked softly, hesitantly leaning in.

I placed my hand on his chest, gently pushing him away. "Well, actually, I never kiss on the first date." Which was partially true. Lucas and I had kissed dozens of times before we ever actually went out on our first official date that summer, once he was settled in with his Aunt Rachel.

Charlie chuckled. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry. But how about we go on and second date tomorrow? We can go out to dinner and talk, you know. Get to know each other even more."

The idea of telling him no flashed though my mind, but I shoved it away. Moving on was going to be impossible if I always acted so unwilling whenever someone took an apparent interest in me. "That sounds incredible," I said, although my voice sounded somewhat strangled. I cleared my throat awkwardly, already attempting to cover it up.

His smile widened. It was then that I realize that he smiled about as much as I did back when I was Smiley Riley. "Awesome. I know a fantastic restaurant around here, they have the greatest food in the world. So I guess I'll pick you up at about seven o'clock?"

I nodded. "Can't wait. Goodnight, Charlie," I added quickly, waving slightly before hopping up the steps to Isabella and Jasper's house. He had decided to walk me home because the sun was already setting. It turned out that the movie Charlie picked was much longer than I had anticipated, and then we ended up grabbing dinner from a nearby fast food restaurant. The conversations had been light and about the most simplistic things, like music videos and television programs. He had never even heard of The Mortal Instruments, which had been awkward. He wasn't the hugest fan of the New York Knicks, which was my favorite basketball team (and Lucas's, but I was trying not to think of him too much this evening), which had been even more awkward. But there was still a lot to talk about with each other.

I silently shut the door behind myself, patiently waiting for the butterflies to finally settle in. I had been waiting to feel them throughout the entire date, but they never showed up. And they were still nowhere to be found, even as I was leaning against the front door, searching for them like my life depended on it.

"Where were you?"

I reluctantly jerked my head up, blinking slowly in confusion. Everyone was in the living room, aside from Isabella and Jasper, of course. Jasper typically worked in his study until he went to bed, and Isabella was, of course, rarely around. But Lucas, Maya, Brandon, Farkle, Missy, and Alyssa were all here. It felt weird to have everyone's attention at the same time like that. "I was out on a date," I admitted hesitantly.

Maya jumped up from the couch first, her eyes widening in surprise. "You were?"

"You were?" Lucas and Brandon echoed in unison. Lucas's voice was empty and dull; completely emotionless, whereas Brandon's had the slightest hints of betrayal. They both hurt, although if I was finally being honest with myself, Lucas's indifferent reaction hurt the most. He had moved on, that much was clear, but he could at least feign a little interest. We were supposed to still be friends, we promised each other that when we split up. But it felt like we were drifting further and further from each other every single day.

I nodded slowly, trying to judge everyone's reactions. Alyssa had turned back to her cell phone, boredly scrolling past status updates on Facepage. Missy seemed confused, but oddly hesitant at the same time. Farkle looked concerned, and he kept opening his mouth and then shutting it again, as if he had something really important to say but he couldn't find the correct words to phrase the thoughts in his mind. It was a feeling that was easily relatable, especially after these past few months.

Maya was still staring at me like I had grown a second head. "I did," I answered after a moment, standing up straighter almost defensively. She pause, staring at me before seemingly shrugging it off, plopping down besides Farkle on the sofa yet again. No one said anything, and the silence was starting to become unexpectedly deafening. Lucas and Brandon were still watching me intently, despite the fact that Maya had switched on the TV, trying to save me by attempting to distract everybody. Unfortunately, her efforts were wasted. Alyssa obviously couldn't care less, but it seemed like the others did. Except for maybe Lucas.

Brandon jumped up suddenly. "I'm going to bed," he mumbled, running a single hand through his messy black hair before striding up the stairs. Missy stared after him, the concern obvious in her eyes, but she still remained firmly rooted in place. She watched him until none of us could see him anymore, although she was the only person that winced when we distinctly heard his bedroom door slam loudly. Everyone else was still totally unaffected. Even me.

"Who did you go out with?" Lucas pressed after a couple minutes. Missy's eyebrows furrowed together tightly before her lips parted, something apparently sinking in. She fleetingly glanced between me and the staircase before standing up, mumbling something incoherent before climbing up the steps. This time, everyone aside from Lucas flinched when her bedroom door slammed.

That couldn't be good.

I reflexively started to follow her, but the sound of my own name caused me to pause. Lucas was standing up now, biting his bottom lip harshly. It was as if this actually meant something to him. Apparently he was getting better and better at acting. I was so proud of him."Does it matter?"

"Of course it matters. We don't exactly know anyone here, so my curiosity is getting the best of me. Who did Princess Dancing Sunshine go out with?"

It was an inside joke we had with each other, something we had come up with back in our freshman year of high school. Needless to say, it was strange to hear him saying it again. I shook my head almost instinctively, trying to get a better grip on my own emotions. Why did he have to go and bring that up? "Charlie Gardner," I finally admitted. I hated how I almost sounded ashamed, as if going out with some boy who was actually very nice now was such a terrible, horrifying thing.

Maya and Farkle exchanged a brief glance before she latched onto his wrist, jumping up and tugging him with her, heading into the kitchen and closing the door behind themselves. They didn't say a single word while they walked away, acting as if none of us even were here. It took me a long minute to realize why Maya was probably so irritated with me. Apparently life had been messing with my head even more than I had originally thought.

Charlie had bullied Farkle for awhile back in eighth grade (so much happened in eighth grade, it was completely insane). It had hurt him more than he cared to let on, and although it inevitably led to him finally getting together with Maya, that didn't fix the situation. It had still hurt him. I was currently going out with someone who had hurt one of my best friends on purpose.

Alyssa rolled her eyes, switching her smartphone off and standing up. "I'm going to bed, too. Hearing about your love life is just too agonizingly boring, Riley," she said with false politeness before heading up the stairs. This time, however, no one slammed any doors, although I could vaguely hear the sound of it latching. At least she wasn't going to eavesdrop on us.

"Well, you sure can clear a room, sunshine," Lucas mumbled. There was a slight edge to his tone, almost like he was barely controlling his temper. "You're going out with Charlie again soon, aren't you?"

I nodded hesitantly. "Tomorrow night. Why does it even matter to you? You're dating Alyssa, everything's perfectly fine and happy with you. Yippee," I added in a total deadpan. I pressed my lips together tightly afterwards, making sure that I couldn't blurt anything else out to him. Everything was crumbling in front of me, but maybe there was still hope for this. For our friendship, at least.

Lucas snickered humorlessly. "Yeah. Whatever helps you sleep at night. I wouldn't say I'm dating her, though. It's more like an ... unofficial thing."

Of course it was. I glanced around the living room, trying to find something to grasp onto, something that would keep me from falling to pieces inside. Anything familiar. Anything that could help me remember that everything was going to be okay.

But there was nothing. Everything was falling apart all over again, and there was nothing I could do about it.

. . .

 **A/N: WE HIT ONE HUNDRED REVIEWS OH MY GOODNESS. I love you guys so much, thank you for everything! You guys literally some of the greatest people in the entire world, and please never let anyone tell you anything different from that. Thank you for being so incredible! Also, feel free to leave your opinions on this chapter! It's the longest chapter so far, so I'm really looking forward to hearing your thoughts on everything. Especially Charlie ... please no shooting.**

 **Also, I don't own Girl Meets World. Maybe someday. Hopefully. Probably not, though.**


	11. Chapter 11

_"Lucas?"_

 _He cocked an eyebrow , the corners of his lips tilting upwards ever so slightly. It seemed forced; his eyes were still empty. "Riley?"_

 _"Why are you worrying so much about everything lately?" I blurted the question out without much thought. It was about a week since the incident over Farkle in my dad's classroom, and my head hadn't stopped spinning from that afternoon. It didn't make any sense. Lucas was barely acting like Lucas anymore. He was changing, slowly but surely, and it wasn't something that I loved to see. "This isn't you."_

 _Lucas shrugged, quickly looking back over at his cell phone. That was the other thing. The small device had practically become his lifeline lately. It was a rare occurrence to ever see him without it. "What are you talking about?"_

 _I fiddled with my fingers awkwardly, unsure of how to continue. "Well, I don't know. It isn't just the exams and stuff you're stressing over. That much was understandable. But then there was the situation over my friendship with Farkle, and it's like we're snapping at each other a lot more. Not only that, you got into that fight with Gabriel."_

 _Gabriel Adams was one of our peers. He had always been a rotten guy, who had no shame in going around picking fights with whoever his latest target might be. He had been doing it since middle school, but he always got away with it. There was always some sort of "witness" that claimed it was the other person's fault, so the other person usually got detention, suspended, or expelled, depending on how terrible the fight actually was._

 _Last week, Gabriel's most recent target was Lucas. As in, Lucas Friar. As in, my Lucas. None of us had expected things to escalate, or even for Lucas to fall for the guy's recurring game. But apparently life can be even more surprising than any of us had ever anticipated it could be. Gabriel said something to Lucas that was probably insulting (although none of us could quite make out what it was) and they started swinging at each other. It was impossible to tell who took the first shot, but everyone assumed it was most likely Lucas. That's how it always happens in Gabriel's brawls with people._

 _Fortunately, my father had been the one to break it up. Despite the fact that Gabriel had ended up with a bloody nose and a cut on his cheek, and Lucas had been completely unscratched, despite the fact that Gabriel's latest witness claimed Lucas started it, they both only got detention. There were the occasional shouts of protest, mostly from the people who thought Lucas deserved a worse punishment for whatever reason (his clothes? Attitude? Who even knows?). My dad didn't listen, though._

 _He saw the good in Lucas, at least. Plus, he had to have known that Lucas would never do anything like that for no reason._

 _But it still didn't make any sense to me. How could you ever let someone get to you so easily, just with one tiny comment, and cause yourself to stoop to their level? He was better than that. That's why it seemed so impossible to comprehend. It wasn't just me that thought that way - so did our other friends. Especially Maya. They had grown to have a brotherly-sisterly relationship, and although she'd rather swallow acid than admit it, I knew she looked up to him. But the only expression on her face when she saw everything was disappointment, in the purest, simplistic innocence. Which was saying a lot, considering the fact that Maya Hart was the complete and utter opposite of "innocence."_

 _"Adams had it coming," he mumbled, still scrolling past something on his phone. "You didn't hear what the idiot said. I did."_

 _"Okay, so dazzle me," I interjected, unable to keep the hints of bitterness out of my voice. Really, he had come so far. How could he let some random guy almost screw everything up? His mom was looking for reasons to drag him out of New York. That's exactly what she would have done if he had even just gotten suspended. She wasn't on the greatest terms with her sister and Lucas's current guardian, and she'd love reasons to pull Lucas back to California._

 _He looked me straight in the face, his green eyes piercing. "He said something about you. Do you even need a more detailed explanation? Because I'd rather not repeat what he said to me."_

 _Oh._

 _. . ._

"Riles, wake up," someone said, although their voice still sounded somewhat faraway. I vaguely felt something roughly shoving my shoulder, trying to push me into an upright position. "You need to get up."

I shook my head slightly, instinctively burying my face deeper into my soft pillow. This pillow suddenly felt like a cloud gently wafting through the bright blue sky. You know, despite the fact that it had felt like a boulder while I was trying to fall asleep last night. "Five more minutes, Mom."

The person snickered. "Since when does your mom call you 'Riles'? Or have blond hair?"

Exhaling quietly, I reluctantly sat up, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. The blinding light streaming in from the windows burned, and I suddenly had the utmost of respect for vampires. "Maya?" I mumbled, my voice sounded groggy. There was something unfamiliar about the bed I was sitting on - and something even more unfamiliar about the pale yellow walls surrounding us. These were not my bright green walls. These weren't even my purple and blue walls from middle school. Where the heck was I?

"It's ten-thirty in the morning, honey, you need to get up before people start thinking that you've died or something."

I blinked slowly, still trying to get my eyes to properly adjust. "That's so silly, Maya. Maaayaaa." I probably sounded like I was drunk. I wasn't, of course. "There's no way in the world I would ever sleep in that late, so you-" I cut off abruptly, finally risking a glimpse at the alarm clock on the nightstand right next to me.

The stunning red numbers read ten thirty-two.

I nearly rolled out of bed, barely catching myself to keep from hitting the ground. I stumbled towards my unpacked suitcase, rushing to tug out an outfit that hopefully matched. My eyes had fortunately adjusted, and there was some feeling in my hands and legs, the painful stiffness slowly fading. "Maya, how could you not wake me up earlier? This is a disaster. Isabella and Jasper are going to kick me out and I'll be lost on the busy streets of Los Angeles and someone will throw a torch at me and I'll burst into flames and I'll never get to tell Auggie that I actually do care about him and I'll be a disgrace, even in death!"

Maya laughed lightly, gently resting her hand on my shoulder. "Calm down, darling. I changed the time on the clock when Farkle woke me up at eight. It isn't even nine. So ... gotcha."

I shouldn't even be shocked.

. . .

It's still hard to completely wake up when so many things came crashing down the night before. The lack of motivation I was feeling made stumbling down the stairs and into the kitchen harder than I would ever like to admit. Even if Maya was at my side, seemingly perfectly content and not upset with me for going out with Charlie Gardner.

"Morning, Riley," Farkle said, cracking a small smile. It seemed somewhat strange, not his usual sincere smile, but I was going to take whatever they gave me. They had very right in the world to be upset with me, so there was no reason I should be complaining.

"Good morning," I said softly, glancing around the kitchen. Lucas and Missy were also here, meaning that there were only two other people absent. "Where are Brandon and Alyssa?"

"Brandon's hanging out with friends, Alyssa's exploring the city on her own," Missy announced. Her voice sounded different; she was speaking almost in a total monotone. She was stabbing her omelet with a fork, just kind of picking at it. Lucas's plate was empty, only a few crumbs left over, but he didn't bother to acknowledge to fact that Maya and I were even here. I pressed my lips together tightly, sitting next to Farkle at the counter, and across from Missy.

"Riley, are you hungry?" Maya asked, rummaging through the fridge. Jasper had told us that we were free to help ourselves to whatever they had in the fridge and freezer. He said that he wanted us to feel like we were right at home, welcome to anything that they had. He was a lot nicer than I had expected, and Isabella seemed like a totally different person around him. Whenever they looked at each other during dinnertime, they had the same look in their eyes that my mom and dad had around each other. It was easy to see - they truly loved each other. Deeply.

Lucas skipped dinners all the time now.

A few days ago was my second date with Charlie, and it had been awkward, to say the least. We barely had anything to say to each other. Well, no, correction: I barely had anything to say to him. He kept trying to grab my hand, no matter how many times I flinched away from him. He kept trying to bring up topics he was interested in, even though I didn't know what he was talking about most of the time.

I was trying really hard with him. Honest. But the only thought that flashed through my mind whenever we were together was that ...

Well, he wasn't Lucas Friar.

Missy had been unusually silent around me lately. She typically buried herself in one of her Twilight Saga books, never saying a word to me. Or Brandon, for that matter. She had no issues talking to Lucas, Farkle, or Maya, though. But she always fell silent whenever I entered the room. It was beginning to worry me a little, and despite how many times I tried to assure myself that everything was going to be fine, it was getting harder and harder to believe it.

"Riley? Maya pressed, stepping away from the fridge without shutting the door. "Are you hungry or nah?"

I shook my head, attempting to snap myself out of my daze. "No, I'm fine," I muttered, glancing down at my hands.

I just wanted everything to go back to normal. Things weren't supposed to be like this. They couldn't be, that wouldn't make any sense. This had to be some kind of mistake, maybe an extreme misunderstanding. Things couldn't stay like this, though, right? Eventually, the universe would have to realize that this was all wrong and fix it.

But when was that day going to come?

Maya shrugged, rummaging through the fridge again. She didn't pause when we all heard knocking at the door, only mumbling that it would be great if someone else answered. Lucas and I exchanged a brief glance before we both hopped up, stepping out of the kitchen and into the living room, heading towards the front door. We reached for the doorknob at the same time, his hand gently gripping mine. I swallowed hard, freezing in place.

Lucas tugged his hand back, seeming rather hesitant, and I pulled the door open. It felt weird to be answering someone else's door, and I felt a panicky jolt of fear that maybe this was someone with an ax or something. Sure, ax murderers usually didn't knock on doors in New York, but this was California. Everything was different here.

"Oh my God!" I exclaimed when I saw who was on the other side of the door. It sounded like some sort of combination of shock and happiness. "Uncle Josh, what are you doing here?!"

Joshua Matthews laughed softly, leaning against the door frame. His dark hair was messy and windblown, and he was holding a motorcycle helmet in his hand. "Cory told me you guys were hanging out here so you could visit Lucas's mom, decided I'd drop in to say hello."

My eyebrows furrowed together, confusion slowly taken the place of happiness and blunt surprise. It took a minute for me to realize what was going on. "Dad sent you to check up on me, didn't he?"

The nineteen-year-old boy chuckled, reluctantly nodding. "Yeah, he did. Not just you, though, if that makes it any less embarrassing. I'm also here to make sure things are cool with Maya, Farkle, Lucas, and Missy." He paused before looking over at Lucas. "Are things cool here?"

Lucas shrugged, not seeming too excited to answer. "I guess that depends on your definition of cool."

I laughed nervously, latching onto Josh's arm and lightly tugging him into the house. "Haha, very funny, Lucas. But yeah, everything is perfectly fine here. But do Jasper and Isabella know that your'e here? It might be too much to spring another guest on them like this, but it's worth a shot."

"I've got a hotel a few blocks away, no worries."

"Dad was really desperate to get some kind of supervision out here?"

Josh smirked, nodding again. "He really was. His first choice was Morgan, but she said that she trusted you guys too much to do this. The net viable option was obviously Eric, but he figured that sending Eric out here might be like shipping another sixteen-year-old out here instead. So then there was me."

"Oh, you don't trust me?" I asked playfully, eyebrows raising.

"I do, but he paid me fifty bucks and offered to pay for the hotel. Not only that, it's Cali-freaking-fornia. There's no way I was gonna pass up on any chance to head out here for awhile," he chuckled lightly. "So, what's been going on lately?"

I shook my head. "Nothiiing," I answered quickly. Way too quickly. Joshua's eyebrows furrowed slightly, but thankfully Maya and Farkle chose that exact moment to come barreling out of the kitchen, Maya holding a slice of toast in one hand and a cup of black coffee in the other.

"Josh?" they both asked in unison. They sounded just as caught off guard as I had. It was reassuring that this wasn't just weird to me.

It was hard to ignore the way Joshua's face lit up the instant he saw Maya. Hers didn't do the same, the only emotion in her blue eyes was slight surprise. "Matthews sent you, didn't he?" she guessed.

Joshua nodded, smirking again. "Mhm, he did. Hey, have you guys seen my new motorcycle? I saved up for ages and I finally got a really awesome one."

"Ooh, motorcycles. Recklessness. I like," my blond best friend practically cooed. She handed her slice of toast and coffee to Farkle, mumbling something in his ear before almost darting out the door. Josh followed after her, already talking about the motorcycle, but since I didn't speak the language of Motorcycle, it made no sense at all to me. Farkle stayed firmly rooted in place, his eyes locking on me.

History was already repeating itself.

Lucas snickered. "This should be fun to watch. Again."

. . .

 **A/N: Hey, guys! I know this is a bit of a filler chapter, but don't worry. The drama is definitely coming in upcoming chapters. Thank you all so much for your amazing reviews! It literally makes my entire day when you guys leave your thoughts, and I cannot thank you enough for that. Feel free to tell me what you think about this chapter! Love you guys. :D**

 **Also, Girl Meets World? Don't own it. Oh, well.**


	12. Chapter 12

_"What's your biggest regret?"_

 _Lucas reluctantly glanced over at me, a flash of disappointment in his eyes, probably over the question. It's probably not the type of thing you should ask someone a week after breaking up with them. Especially when it wasn't just the two of you, especially when Maya Hart and Farkle Minkus were staring at you both like you were monsters. "Are you kidding me?"_

 _"It's just a question, Lucas," I stated simply, making sure to keep my tone nonchalant. It seemed like the breakup had been harder on me than him, which was completely irrational, considering the fact that I'm the one that ended things between us. It shouldn't be hurting me at all. It didn't make any sense._

 _"You won't like the answer," he replied, his tone an obvious mockery of my casualness. Maya pressed her lips together tightly, her eyes darting between Lucas and I like someone watching an intense ping pong game. Farkle watched me, a tentative concern lighting up his bright blue eyes._

 _I raised my eyebrows. "Who cares? I just wanted an answer, not any sympathy."_

 _"Not staying in California when I had the chance," he said slowly, averting his eyes away from me almost pointedly. I heard a sharp intake of breath and it took me a moment to realize that it was Missy, not me. She had finally dropped her book by Stephenie Meyer, the author of a romance series I had recently introduced her to. She lost her place when it fell to the floor, the book shutting itself abruptly, but she didn't seem to even notice. Maya's expression was almost impassive, although she was looking at Lucas with such venom that it made me cringe. Farkle, however, was still watching me. The look on his face hadn't changed._

 _"Well, look at that," I spoke after a long, deafening moment of pure silence. "Maybe that's something we could agree on. Surprise, surprise."_

 _No one said anything again. We all sat in silence, pointlessly glancing around Svorski's. Missy eventually picked up her paperback book again, flipping through the pages almost mechanically. Farkle and Maya exchanged a brief look, talking to each other without saying anything. It was the sort of thing that my parents did a lot. It showed that you must love someone if you could do something like that._

 _I was filled with an unfamiliar ache in my bones, and it took me awhile, even in the stillness of the tiny cafe, that it was longing in its simplest form. I wanted what Maya and Farkle had._

 _Suddenly, understanding Shawn Hunter was the easiest thing in the world. Maya and Farkle were my Cory and Topanga. Maybe this meant that Lucas was my Angela - the one that ended up leaving._

 _The thought caused a metallic taste in my mouth. Blood. It turned out I had bitten down too hard on the inside of my cheek, hard enough to draw a reasonable amount of blood. I swallowed hard, wincing inwardly over the bitter taste._

 _The new cut on the inside of my mouth still couldn't possibly compare to the ache in my chest. The hole was slowly starting to reopen itself._

 _But that was okay. Things happened for a reason. All I had to do was believe that everything would be all right in the end, and then it would be._

 _Right? Wasn't that how life worked?_

 _. . ._

"Riley, why are you going out with Charlie Garnder?"

Josh's voice snapped me out of my thoughtful daze. I paused for a moment, blinking quickly before reluctantly turning to face him. We were at a small cafe not too far away from Isabella and Jasper's house, which was what caused that little memory to reappear. It was getting easier and easier to get completely lost in these little flashes, too desperate to figure out what went wrong to understand what I might be doing to myself. This couldn't possibly be healthy.

"Who told you?" I asked, then paused, surprised over the irritation in my voice. Joshua's eyebrows raised, obviously just as shocked as I was, but he recovered first.

"Maya," he answered. "Why are you dating the guy? I remember hearing about constantly picked on Turtleneck-"

I exhaled impatiently. "Farkle," I corrected him bleakly. "He stopped wearing the turtlenecks in freshman year, Josh. You can't keep calling him that."

My uncle shrugged, seemingly unfazed by the words I was saying. "Yeah, okay. So, he picked on one of your closest friends not too long ago, and what? You decided that just because Lucas was dating another girl you should hang out with the first guy you meet in this city?"

I flinched. "No," I protested, struggling to keep my voice low. No need to draw attention from the dozen people in the cafe, calmly sipping at their mocha lattes and typing fiercely at their laptops. It was an assumed understanding that all of the people here were writers, or aspiring writers. And it was another assumed understanding that if you seriously annoyed a writer, they could create a character inspired by you and make you fall into a pit of steaming hot lava or something. That was a life experience I was hoping to avoid forever.

Josh smirked. So, he thought I was lying, how wonderful. "Whatever you say, niece. But I see the way you still look at Lucas. You like him."

That was the greatest understatement of the entire century. "This isn't some elementary school crush, Joshua. Nothing is that simple anymore. I thought you, of all people, would have realized that. You told me two years ago that you moved on from Maya. Why do you keep looking at her like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time, then?"

He froze briefly before lightly setting his coffee cup down on the table. He wouldn't meet my eager gaze, instead fixating his dark eyes on the cup. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"I think that I do. Josh, you've liked her from the day you met her again when she was fourteen. What I can't understand is-"

"Why?" he interjected, finally meeting my eyes.

I shook my head immediately. "No, no, of course not. Maya's great. But what I can't understand is why it's so impossible for you to let her go. You don't really know her, so it can't be love. Crushes are hard to let go of, obviously, but-"

"I know her, Riley." His voice was hard, as was his gaze. "But you aren't understanding. Even I'm not. It's just ... too complicated to put into words."

"Don't tell me you're the type of person to want something because you can't have it," I said softly, eyebrows furrowing in disapproval. "Maya's with Farkle, she's been dating him since eighth grade and they've always had feelings for each other. That isn't going to suddenly change one day. I'm sorry, Josh."

"This isn't about my feelings," he reminded me, forcing another small smirk. "It's about you and Lucas. What happened between you guys, anyway? No one has ever given me the full story. It was just assumed that it was some sort of mutual breakup, but now I'm not too sure. Did he end things?"

"I broke up with him," I admitted hesitantly, fiddling with my fingers. Another nervous habit, apparently. "I was hoping it might get him to see that the things he was constantly doing were wrong, but it didn't. He hasn't really gotten into any fights recently, and I'm guessing that's because of Alyssa."

Joshua frowned. "The girl that came with you guys?"

"Yeah. His girlfriend, remember? They're practically attached at the hip nowadays. It's disgusting."

"Jealous little bird, aren't you?" he asked playfully, picking up his cup of coffee again and taking a sip. I didn't say anything, simply pursing my lips and fleetingly glancing around the cafe. My eyes instantly took notice of two strangely familiar figures - one was a girl, about the same height as I was with flowing blond hair. The other person was a boy, a bit taller than the blond girl with messy, dark brown hair. She was laughing and sitting so close to him that she might as well be on his lap. He chuckled along with her before cupping her face with his hand, hesitating only briefly before pressing his lips against hers.

She responded right away, wrapping her arms around his neck and seemingly deepening the kiss. I vaguely heard Josh's voice in the background, probably going on and on about me and my pathetic jealousy, but none of that mattered. It was only noise, preventing me from thinking straight just as much as the sight in front of me was doing.

Because the blond girl was Alyssa Allen.

And that brunette boy was Charlie Gardner.

I waited for something to kick in. The hurt or the betrayal or the blind rage. None of that happened. The only emotion I could feel was empathy for the person that had the potential to be hurt by this. The person who Alyssa had been practically glued to the past couple months.

Lucas.

His name kept bouncing around my head now, even once I finally looked away from Charlie and Alyssa - Lucas, Lucas, Lucas. It was as if there a track in my mind, stuck on repeat. I jumped up from my seat, obviously startling Josh. That didn't matter, either. "We need to go," I forced out, my words sounding unnaturally rushed and almost strangled.

Josh blinked slowly, caught off guard. "What are you talking about?"

"We need to go back to Isabella and Jasper's," I managed to force out. My thoughts were running wild through my mind, a thousand different things trying to catch my attention. It was no use. The track was still on repeat, and it was beginning to get louder, almost shouting Lucas's name now.

"Wait, hold up, we need to pay first-"

I rummaged through my purse, pulling out a stray ten dollar bill and throwing it on the table before rushing out of the small cafe. I narrowly avoided roughly smashing into the wall next to the door, instinctively grabbing onto a nearby table to catch myself. The girl sitting there shot me a nasty look, but that definitely didn't matter, either. I darted out of the cafe, not even bothering to apologize to the older girl. Somehow I ended up running, which was never a good idea when you were as clumsy as I was. I skidded to an abrupt halt when I reached the closest stoplight, barely avoiding stumbling right into oncoming traffic.

I didn't know what was making me feel this way. It was like desperation, with an unexpected edge. Nothing else matter until I could get to Lucas. He needed to know about this.

It wasn't even because of jealousy. I wanted him to be happy, even if it wasn't with me. Any amount of pain would be tolerable as long as I knew he was doing all right. But this was an unexpected bump in the road, the type of thing that could make a person so caught off guard that they became reckless.

I loved him. So much more than I would like to admit, even to myself. But he needed to know about this.

It wasn't difficult to understand why I wasn't falling to pieces over Charlie. There had been no spark with him - he wasn't Lucas. He was just Charlie, some boy I recalled from my final year of middle school, some boy that tore one of my best friends to shreds. He meant basically nothing to me, no matter how hard I tried to convince myself otherwise. Moving on was something I had to do eventually. But not now, and especially not with him.

. . .

I carelessly stumbled up the stairs that led to the bedrooms, not even pausing when I heard Farkle shouting my name. He would understand once he found out why I was acting like such a psychopath. I didn't stop moving until I finally reached Lucas and Farkle's bedroom door. Now was probably an acceptable time to try to catch my breath again. Because apparently running through the streets of California in the summertime during another heat wave was more reckless than I had ever anticipated - I felt like I was going to be sick. And not just because of what I had seen at the cafe earlier.

The bedroom door swung open and I stumbled back in surprise, quickly latching onto the railing to prevent myself from falling down the stairs or something. Although I was feeling insane, I hadn't quite reached that level of craziness yet in which falling down the stairs would be considered fun. "Riley?"

I swallowed hard. Thinking about telling him was a lot harder when he was actually standing right in front of me like this. His green eyes were tinted with confusion and (shockingly enough) concern. For me. The clumsy teenage girl gasping for breath just a couple feet away from him. The thoughtless teenage girl that ended her relationship with him and was seconds away from wrecking another one. Who would have thought?

"Is something wrong?" he asked, his movements hesitant as he stepped towards me. There was barely a foot between us now. "You look like you just ran a marathon. Riley, what's going on?"

My desperate recklessness was abruptly replaced with panic. Just pure, simple panic that might as well have thrown me down the stairs. I sank down slowly, leaning against the railing and taking another subtle deep breath. Not because of all the running.

What if he didn't believe me? Josh already assumed that I jealous of Lucas's new relationship with Alyssa. My own uncle. What if Lucas thought the same exact thing? Teenage girls were spiteful, they said things that weren't true if it meant getting what they wanted sometimes. They could be manipulative and cold and calculating. Lucas already didn't think I acted like myself anymore. What would stop him from thinking that I would do that?

"Riley, what's wrong?" The hesitant traces of concern were obvious in his voice, and that only made this a million times harder. I took another deep breath, trying to calm myself down. There was no reason to act so pathetic, especially in front of him. Lucas and I were still friends, weren't we? At least, that's what we had reluctantly agreed on. Maybe he didn't always remember that, but I certainly did. He deserved to know. And wasn't it my responsibility as his friend to tell him?

"Riley," he repeated, his voice stronger this time. "Something is wrong, that much is obvious. Tell me what's going on." Although his tone was firmer this time, he slid down besides me, leaning against the railing, as well. Our arms brushing lightly, his glanced over at me. "Sunshine?" he tried again, softer this time.

How could you tell someone you love something that you know is going to hurt them? It was completely impossible. Wasn't this one of those things that constantly ate you up inside until you unintentionally blurted it out someday, or they overheard you discussing it during a cliche conversation with your best friend? That's what happened in all the movies and books, at least.

I could practically hear my father's voice ringing in my mind, telling me to change history. Telling me that the truth always came out eventually, whether or liked it or not. Even if it was just a tiny little white lie. He had pretty much been our my personal motivational speaker since the day I was born. He would want me to tell Lucas. It would be better that he found out from a close friend, rather than seeing something similar to what I saw.

"Lucas." My voice accidentally cracked, and I briefly cursed myself before shrugging it off. Oh, well. "There's something really important I have to tell you."

He smiled. A real, genuine smile, like the ones he used to wear all the time, before everything came crashing down a couple months ago. He actually looked like Lucas Friar again. "Yeah?"

'What are you guys doing up here?"

Both of our heads snapped up almost reflexively, causing us to come face to face with Alyssa herself. For someone who had just been making out with my date, her lipstick was as perfect and pristine as always, not a single hair out of place. Even her clothes were totally straight, not one wrinkle in the expensive fabrics. "Do I need to ask again?" she asked, her tone sharper.

Lucas waved his hand dismissively before turning to look at me again. "Riley, you said you needed to tell me something?"

My mouth had suddenly gone dry, as if I had just chewed up sandpaper. Telling Lucas that his apparent girlfriend was cheating on him was one thing. Telling him right in front of her was another thing entirely. I hadn't even been prepared to try the first one, how in the world would I ever succeed at something a trillion times more difficult?

"Nothing," I lied quietly, toying with a loose thread on his shirt. He didn't notice. "Nothing, really, I'll just tell you later."

Lucas's eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. "No, why can't you tell me now? How bad is it?"

The lump in my throat made its anticipated return. "It isn't a big deal. Don't worry about it." I reluctantly released the loose thread, jumping up and smoothing out my clothes almost insecurely. Alyssa's smirk was more prominent now, practically taking up her entire face as she shamelessly stared me down. I vaguely wondered if she could have seen Joshua and I at that little cafe.

"Riley, you might want to go downstairs, sunshine." Her voice was acidic when she spoke to me. It reminded me of how one might speak to a convicted criminal. "That Charlie Gardner kid is here, he says he wanted to take you out on a surprise date. Your uncle got home the same time and he's grilling the kid, kind of acting like an overprotective father, if you ask me." How much had my dad paid Josh? "You might wanna go downstairs and save your date from being emotionally chopped into pieces."

I would be perfectly content with chopping Charlie into pieces. And not in an emotional way. Not because he was technically cheating on me. Like I said, he meant practically nothing to me. But he was helping Alyssa cheat on Lucas and he had to know it. That was unacceptable.

Gritting my teeth, I forced a smile in Alyssa's general direction. I heard Lucas standing up, his typical black sneakers scuffing against the beige carpeting. "Thanks so much for the warning, Alyssa,' I said, my voice sickly sweet. It seemed to shock her, which at least gave me a tiny bit of satisfaction.

"Riley," Lucas said abruptly. I spun around somewhat instinctively, coming face to face with him now. "I don't know if you should be going out with that guy. He doesn't seem like a good person."

Alyssa snickered, and it took every single ounce of my self control not to start throwing things in her direction. I forced another smile, but put a little more effort into it this time. "Trust me, Lucas. You have bigger worries than the boy I'm going out with," I said quietly. He stared at me for a moment, obviously still confused, but I brushed him off, stepping down the staircase.

Right now, though, Charlie Gardner was going to have some problems of his own, too.

. . .

 **A/N: Hey, everyone! So, a bit of drama in this chapter. Charlie and Alyssa are apparently cheating on Riley and Lucas. Any thoughts on that? I love hearing what you think, so please don't hesitate to tell me. Thank you so much for all of your lovely reviews, you guys are absolutely incredible! Stay awesome, and never let anyone change you. :D**

 **Also, I don't own Girl Meets World. Sigh.**


	13. Chapter 13

"Riley, listen to me, please."

I paused for a long moment, hovering on the final step. Joshua and Charlie were only a few feet away from me now, both of them lingering by the doorway of Jasper and Isabella's house. Charlie looked unusually uncomfortable as it seemed like my uncle was interrogating him. I briefly considered walking over there and interrupting whatever conversation those two could possibly be having, but there was someone right behind me I needed to deal with.

Spinning around somewhat reluctantly, I came face to face with Lucas. Apparently he had followed me down the staircase. "Do you mind if we talk about this later? I don't mean to sound rude, but honestly, there's a couple other things that need to be dealt with."

Lucas hesitated, seemingly noticing Josh and Charlie before exhaling under his breath. "This is something we need to talk about now, though. Riley, come on, I was willing to hear you out a few minutes ago. Can't you just listen?"

I shook my head, glancing over at Josh and Charlie. They both had fallen silent, their attentions fixated on Lucas and I. No pressure here. At all. "I'm sorry, Lucas. We can talk later, promise." Alyssa was hovering nearby the door to Lucas and Farkle's bedroom, watching us intently. Her brown eyes were unexpectedly icy, and almost completely focused on me. So maybe she had seen Joshua and I at the cafe earlier. Did this mean she knew that I saw her and Charlie together?

Whatever. It didn't matter. Lucas gently grasped my arm, trying to pull me back, but I yanked free. "I'm sorry, okay? We'll talk about whatever it is later tonight. Bye, Lucas," I mumbled, quickly walking up to where Charlie and Josh were still watching us like we were in some kind of television program. I stepped in between the two, reluctantly meeting Charlie's tentative gaze.

His eyes were green, like Lucas's. Alyssa's eyes were brown, like mine. These coincidences were finally beginning to irritate me. Reluctant as always, I gently grabbed Charlie's arm, tugging him out the front door without bothering to say anything to Josh. He couldn't have possibly seen Alyssa and Charlie together, which meant that he had no reason to shamelessly interrogate my date. He wasn't my father, he was my uncle, and there was a slight difference.

Not that Charlie didn't deserve it.

We walked in silence, neither of us daring to say a word. He intertwined our fingers after a couple minutes, acting as if everything was perfectly normal between the two of us. It didn't feel right. As much as I would love to blame it on what I saw at the cafe earlier, I knew deep down that wasn't what the problem was.

He still wasn't Lucas.

 _. . ._

 _"You know, the funny thing about hand holding is the look on your face every time your dad sees us together."_

 _I looked over at Lucas, raising my eyebrows. "Seriously? Out of all the things in the world that could possibly excite you, it has to be the expression on my father's face whenever he sees us together?"_

 _Lucas chuckled, gently pulling me closer to him. We were hanging out in his living room, pretty much just sitting on the couch. It was completely silent aside from the sound of our own voices. Rachel was working late tonight, trying to make a little more money. My parents had offered to help her several times, and my Uncle Eric, lost little puppy he was whenever she was around, had even offered to pay the rent for a couple months. He had recently been elected senator, and he was making more money than he did as mayor of a small town where he always helped the people with their issues. But Rachel was stubborn, a trait that seemed to run in Lucas's family. No wonder he was always so persistent._

 _We probably should have been studying. Although we were only freshmen, practically babies compared to the seniors, the school still tolerated no nonsense or slacking off. We had tons of tests, and sure, they weren't anywhere near as serious as the SATs, which we would have to take in our junior year (shudder). But they were still important if we even wanted to make it to our junior year, or sophomore year, actually. Friday we had a test in history class (thanks, Daddy) and an exam in algebra class._

 _We were teenagers, though. We had the tendency of getting distracted, typically with each other. I had the feeling that would be happening a lot throughout our high school experience, though. Not that either of us were complaining._

 _"It's just funny to me that he still seems to be in denial over our relationship," Lucas commented after a short minute, fiddling with my fingers. I glanced down at our hands, barely suppressing the urge to laugh. He had the strangest absentminded habits around me._

 _After awhile I looked back up at him, remembering that we were kind of having a conversation and all. "What do you mean?"_

 _He shrugged. "I don't know. It seems like he's still hopeful that one day we're going to split up or something. I know that he's just scared of his little girl growing up, which is understandable, but that doesn't make it any less funny."_

 _Truthfully, my dad wasn't the only person around here worrying about a breakup. It was easier to believe that nothing was going to change between us when we had just graduated from middle school. The concept of high school still seemed totally foreign to me somehow. It was this huge deal that pretty much determined the rest of our lives, no pressure there, but not only that, there were hundreds of new people neither of us had ever met. Not just freshmen, either. Sophomores, juniors, seniors, all of these wonderful people with individual amazing qualities and flaws. It was a tad bit intimidating._

 _Age differences didn't seem to matter to anyone, either. Two seniors guys had already asked Maya out. Farkle nearly had a heart attack both times. The idea of being in a steady relationship with someone was impossible to comprehend for so many people. These boys and girls didn't grow up living around Cory and Topanga, two people who always had strong feelings for one another. Mrs. Svorski, the owner of a bakery my mom and little brother had come across one day, said that there was no such thing as "always." But my parents proved her wrong everyday._

 _They always loved each other. They always would love each other._

 _But it was easier to see Mrs. Svorski's point of view while being shoved through the hustle and bustle of high school every weekday. These people were open to randomly dumping their boyfriend or girlfriend one day just because someone better comes along. Maybe not everybody was like that, but a good majority of the people Maya and I had come across were exactly like that._

 _It was one hundred percent terrifying. Because one day, it was possible that someone you loved unconditionally could wake up and decide that they don't want you anymore. Not everyone had grown up as Cory Matthews and Topanga Lawrence._

 _But it was even harder to feel worried about much of anything when we were sitting here in comfortable silence, our hands lazily intertwined, feeling perfectly content with each other. It was difficult to comprehend the fact that one day everything could fall to pieces when everything felt so incredible right now._

 _"Sunshine?"_

. . .

"Riley?"

I snapped my head towards Charlie, pressing my lips together firmly. "Sorry, I guess I just sort of got lost in thought. Were you saying something?" It was harder than usual to keep my tone light and breezy around him. It had already been difficult enough to feign happiness around the boy, now it was approximate one thousand times harder, knowing that he was apparently interested in close friend's apparent girlfriend. I wasn't even phased by the fact that he was cheating on me. We had only gone out on a few dates, and besides, my feelings for him were never genuine.

But Alyssa. Lucas had been closer to her than anyone these past couple months. He was going to be crushed when he found out. Because, as unfortunate as it was, my dad was still right at the end of the day. The truth always came out. Even if you didn't want it to, even if you dedicated your entire life to making sure it remained a secret. He was going to have to find out eventually, sooner or later.

"I was just wondering if you knew why Joshua was so set on treating me like I was some kind of criminal back at the house. He kept glaring at me like I had set fire to a box of kittens or something. It was really weird. Actually, he's really weird."

I bit the inside of my cheek harshly, trying to resist the urge to say the words flashing through my mind. They were not kind words. They were the sorts of words that would get bleeped down a television show, and then some. "He's just really protective over me. Like my dad," I added. Although I had been somewhat annoyed over Josh's interrogation a few minutes ago, it seemed perfectly acceptable now that I knew it had messed with Charlie.

Maybe I was angrier than I was willing to admit to myself.

"Charlie, we need to talk about something important," I blurted before he got the opportunity to respond. He raised his eyebrows, gesturing for me to continue with his spare hand. I instinctively pulled my hand out of his, lacing my fingers together somewhat nervously. It didn't make any sense to me why I was the one freaking out inside. After all, he was the one cheating, right? "I saw you today with Alyssa. Josh and I were at the same cafe as you guys."

Charlie skidded to an abrupt stop in the middle of the sidewalk. A few people shot him dirty looks before impatiently stepping around the both of us, purposely nudging his shoulder with their own. He didn't seem to notice. "How much did you see?"

"I saw you guys talking, and I saw you kissing." There was no reason to be nervous, I reminded myself without much patience. He was the one that was kissing some random girl. "What I don't understand is why, though. Don't get me wrong, I know that this happens quite a lot with people. There's always someone better. But can't you find it in yourself to tell a girl if you aren't interested in her anymore?"

"This is kind of funny, coming from you," Charlie said after a moment, biting his bottom lip. "I see the way you look at Friar. The way you look at him hasn't changed, despite what you tried to tell me. You aren't over him. You look at him the same way you did when we were fourteen, and it doesn't matter what he does or what he says to you. Tell me you would hate him if he ended up cheating on you."

I laughed humorlessly, accidentally catching the attention of half a dozen people strolling by. It didn't matter right now. "Please don't compare yourself to Lucas. He wouldn't cheat, that's the difference. You know that Alyssa is his girlfriend, don't you? That's why you did it. You set out to hurt people on purpose. You did it when you were picking on Farkle, if you recall. And, despite what you tried to tell me," I repeated his words with venom, seemingly catching him off guard. Huh. "You haven't grown up one bit. You weren't interested in me at all, you were interested in hurting people. But the joke isn't on me. You didn't hurt me at all."

He didn't say anything, so I took that as my cue to continue. And so I did, but not without taking a few more steps away from him.

"You hurt other people because you're hurting inside. You think that it will make your pain go away, but it won't. It's only going to make the terrible feeling inside of you even worse. One of these days you're going to realize that, and I hope that day is soon because you're going to seriously damage yourself if you keep this up. It isn't going to fix you at all. It'll only break you even more."

He still didn't say a word. But this time, I turned and walked away.

. . .

"Riley, all I was trying to say was that Charlie seems like the type of guy that would hurt you, and I don't want that to happen," Lucas blurted.

I had just barely walked in the door, my hand still hovering on the knob before I closed the door behind myself. There was an empty feeling inside of me, the kind of feeling that had only been intensifying itself the entire walk home. It felt like things were crashing down all over again. The thoughts I tried to keep myself from thinking were replaying themselves over and over again in my mind, only getting louder each time. It wasn't just the situation with Charlie cheating - Lucas in general, Missy pushing herself away from me, the complications with Brandon, the problems with Josh and Maya. It was all finally too much.

My eyes were beginning to sting painfully, and I forced myself to take a subtle deep breath before turning to look at Lucas. "I don't really feeling like talking about Charlie Gardner right now, if that's okay. Have you seen Maya?"

Lucas paused briefly before nodding, pointing towards the staircase. "Yeah. She went upstairs about half an hour ago. She said she was going to call her mom and Shawn to see how they're doing."

I mumbled a thank you before stumbling up the stairs, my footsteps almost as heavy as stomping. The door to Missy and Alyssa's door was wide open, and it sounded like the girls were arguing over something. My twisted need to fix everything was apparently taking a short break, however, because I found myself in the bedroom I was sharing with Maya. She was scrolling past her messages on her cell phone, although she jerked her head up when she noticed me just as I closed our door slightly, but not completely. "Hey, Riles. I thought you were going out with Charlie tonight."

I shook my head, clumsily striding over to our bed, where she was sitting. I nearly tripped twice before eventually plopping down on the bed, feeling like there was something literally weighing me down. The crushing feeling in my chest had made its expected return, and it was worse than ever. My throat ached and my eyes hadn't stopped stinging from the moment I walked inside Isabella and Jasper's house, and it was as if there was an unusual hopelessness lingering in the air. Everything was changing throughout high school, and I wasn't ready for any of it.

Somehow it all came pouring out - and when I said all, I really do mean everything. The things I had been keeping from her these past couple months were finally in the open. The feelings for Lucas, the complications with Missy because of Brandon, Charlie and Alyssa's little fling, and finally, last but not least, the real reasons why Lucas and I split up. The fact that it wasn't a mutual breakup at all, despite what we mutually decided to let everybody assume. How I broke up with him because of the fights he was getting into, the faintest smells of cigarette smoke on his clothing, the sarcastic remarks and cruel "observations" he kept making. All of it.

She never interrupted me once. I nearly snapped a couple times, my voice cracking and those stupid traitor tears falling from my eyes. It was an accident, of course, completely unintentional. I had never wanted her to see me cry. She had been through so much in her life, with her father leaving and the feelings for Farkle that she had kept bottled up for years. She was the broken one. I had the perfect life, with my doting parents and loving younger brother. There was no reason in the world why I should ever be upset over anything. I was supposed to be everyone's personal ray of sunshine, not just Lucas's.

But somehow, all of the sunshine within me had finally faded away. It was rather overcast now, and suddenly I was a lot more like depressing downpour of rain. The rain that obsessively ruined your hopeful, everyday plans. The kind of rain that people despised. The rain that let everybody down.

Something shifted in our friendship at that moment, though. We always tried to be so strong around each other, especially once we reached high school. Even when we were seriously upset over something, we tried to keep it inside. We didn't want to disappoint the other person, or burden them even more.

But now it felt almost like it did before we convinced ourselves that keeping everything locked up inside was the best option. Maybe they were right when they said a little good could come out of every terrible situation.

Maybe keeping everything locked up inside wasn't always the greatest idea.

We were Riley and Maya again. We were the unstoppable best friends that no one could believe were so impossibly close to each other.

Neither of us were completely okay - we both still had a lot on our plates. But that was fine, everyone had a lot of troubles in their lives. Everybody was cripplingly sad over something dangerously important to them. But we had each other. So things couldn't be half as horrible as I thought they were.

. . .

"Where's Huckleberry?" Maya asked. Eventually we decided that we couldn't mope around forever - we had to face the rest of our friends sooner or later. Brandon and Missy were quietly watching TV together, neither of them looking up when we entered the living room. Josh had already left, and Farkle was reading a book about Belgium, probably trying to find out more information about whatever happened there in 1831. My dad had been dancing around the possibility of teaching us that since seventh grade, but it seemed like something constantly came up, altering his plans. It drove Farkle insane every time.

Farkle shrugged, fleetingly glancing up from his hardcover book to look over at his girlfriend. "I'm not certain. About forty minutes ago he went upstairs, stayed there for a few minutes before sprinting back down here and heading out the door. He seemed pretty upset over something."

Maya and I exchanged a brief glance. Her bright blue eyes were wide, whereas my eyebrows were furrowed in confusion. "What do you think all of that was about?"

She swallowed, seeming shockingly nervous before impatiently pulling me into the kitchen. She silently shut the door behind us before hesitantly turning to face me. "You didn't close our bedroom door all the way, did you?"

I shook my head. "No, I didn't. How come?"

"Ranger Rick isn't exactly the type of person to keep to himself when he hears people talking. You always teased him about that, how one day he was going to hear something he wouldn't like if he kept eavesdropping on everybody."

My eyebrows furrowed again. "Okay?"

"Riley. Think about it, honey. Forty minutes ago we just started talking. Forty minutes ago, you told me that you saw Charlie Gardner kissing Alyssa Allen." Her words were rushed in her eagerness to get it all out. "What if today was the day he heard something he didn't exactly love?"

"You think he went to talk to Charlie because I saw him kissing his girlfriend?" My voice was emotionless, a familiar sense of dread filling me up inside. Well, at least the empty feeling was starting to fade away. This one wasn't much better, though.

Maya exhaled. "Riley, I think he's going to find Charlie because he hurt you. You told me that it hurt you, remember? Which makes sense, the idiot cheated on you. But you know Lucas. You know how he gets when someone hurts you."

My nose scrunched up in confusion. "Not really. I'm sure he only went to find him to confront him about kissing Alyssa at the cafe. Nothing serious is going to happen. Lucas hasn't gotten into any fights in a pretty long time."

"Riley!" Maya exclaimed, seemingly giving up on hushed whispers. "I see the way that boy looks at you. He looks at Alyssa the same way you looked at Charlie. He tried to get himself to like her, sure. But it didn't work, it won't ever work, because it's you, Riles. You've always been interested in each other, from the first day on the subway. How did you feel when you found out Alyssa was cheating on him?"

Right about now, it felt like my head was going to explode from all of this. But that wasn't the question. "I don't know, I suppose I was really mad at her for doing that to him. It looks like he's really interested in her, and I didn't want him to end up hurt or something. But that's just because I-"

"You love him, I know," she interrupted, leaning against the closed door. "He loves you, too, Riles. Don't try to tell me that he doesn't. I've seen it, and so has Farkle, and so has Missy. Only a blind person doesn't see what's right in front of them."

"Maya, please," I said quietly, fiddling with my fingers awkwardly. "Please just let it go."

"No, I will not let it go. This isn't right. You two have been playing this game with each other for over two months, Riley! It's wrong. And now Ranger freaking Roy is going to end up getting into huge trouble because he can't understand what a personal conversation is."

Yeah, okay.

So maybe things were just as terrible as I thought they were.

. . .

 **A/N: Hi, everyone! Thank you all so much for your lovely reviews, it means the world to me. I love hearing what you guys think. You're all incredibly intelligent and just awesome in general. Also, we currently have 142 reviews! This is amazing, thank you so much! Do you think we could possibly reach 150 reviews with this chapter? Maaaybe? It's totally fine if not, though, because just a couple reviews is so great! You guys are so sweet. c:**

 **Also, don't own Girl Meets World, okay, cool.**


	14. Chapter 14

_"Why do you always end up appearing in my dreams?"_

 _I laughed, glancing over at Lucas. It was a few minutes before history class began, which was still our first class of the day. My dad was obviously still our teacher, despite the fact that we were currently in ninth grade. He was way too worried about leaving me alone for two seconds whenever Lucas was around. "You're kidding me, aren't you?"_

 _He shook his head, draping his arm over my shoulders and gently leading me into my dad's classroom. "Nope, I'm as serious as it gets. You're in almost every single one of my dreams lately, and it's starting to confuse me. A lot."_

 _"Maybe Ranger Rick just has a little obsession," Maya commented, walking into the classroom behind us. Farkle was a couple feet behind Maya, fiddling with a loose thread on his t-shirt. He had just stopped wearing the turtlenecks about a week ago and he was still getting used to his different clothes. Maya didn't understand why he didn't just change back if he was having trouble getting accustomed to it, but he wouldn't listen. He said that he was growing up, and evolving. I feel like it was the kind of thing that he must have picked up from my father's lessons._

 _"Haha," Lucas deadpanned. My blond best friend laughed, lightly brushing past us before plopping down in her usual seat. The seating arrangements hadn't changed yet, meaning that Lucas still sat behind me and Farkle sat behind Maya. She propped her elbow up on her boyfriend's desk, her eyes locked on the desk in front of us. My dad hadn't showed up yet._

 _Farkle entered the classroom next, sitting in his seat and looking over at Lucas and I. "It probably just means that you think about Riley a lot, usually before you fall asleep. It's just your subconscious dealing with all of your feelings for her."_

 _"No more feelings!" my dad shouted, striding into the classroom. We all snapped our heads towards him, my eyebrows raising in surprise. "None. Zip, zilch, none of you should feel anything!"_

 _"Too late for them, Mr. Matthews," Maya said smugly, gesturing towards Lucas and I with her hand. "In fact, it's been too late for them since last year."_

 _. . ._

I stumbled back into Isabella and Jasper's living room, most likely looking just as disheveled as I felt. Farkle had already been watching the kitchen door, but Missy and Brandon reluctantly tore their gaze away from the television to glance over at Maya and I. "Has anyone heard from Lucas since he walked out earlier? Maybe a text, phone call, anything? Something, anything, please say yes?"

Missy and Brandon exchanged a quick look before shaking their heads. Farkle bit his bottom lip lightly, hopping up from the couch and taking a few steps towards us. "Do you think he's going to get into trouble?"

"Why would he get into any trouble?" I asked, my voice raising a couple octaves in surprise. "He isn't going to get into trouble. No one is going to get into any trouble, but especially not Lucas. Nope, not happening."

Farkle raised his eyebrows at Maya. "She's having a mental breakdown, isn't she?"

"I am not," I insisted immediately. Brandon and Missy looked at one another again, their eyebrows furrowing in confusion. The problem was that I most likely sounded like a maniac, but it was hard to remain calm at a time like this. Maya's words earlier kept replaying in my mind. She honestly thought Lucas still had feelings for me. Not only that, this wasn't exactly a new topic. She had been teasing us about being interested in one another for ages. It used to be the kind of thing that was easy to shrug off, used to Maya's playful bantering with us, but it became increasingly difficult to ignore it after Lucas and I split up. She didn't say it as much whenever he was around, but it was almost always part of eveyr conversation we had when we were either by ourselves or with Farkle and Missy.

Maya smiled slightly, patting my arm. "Sure you aren't, honey. Anyway, we think Sundance is probably going to get into a fight with someone because of something the cowboy overheard. By the way, kids, this is why ya don't eavesdrop," she added, her smile fading into a smirk. She was mocking my father, but it was hard to care right now.

The idea of Lucas getting into a fight with Charlie was completely unbelievable. Sure, he had never been the guy's biggest fan, but it just didn't make any sense. But maybe that wasn't the part that seemed totally impossible to me. It would be easier to comprehend if Maya admitted that it was because Charlie and Alyssa had a thing, but no, she just had to admit it was because Lucas supposedly still had feelings for me. That's what made it so crazy.

"What did he overhear?" Missy asked, reluctantly standing up and stepping over to us.

I chewed on my lower lip somewhat nervously. Telling Maya the truth had been one thing. Telling Missy, Farkle, and Brandon was another thing entirely. It was still embarrassing to me that someone I had been going out with cheated on me with my friend's girlfriend, and besides, there were bigger things to worry about right now. Especially if Maya was actually right.

Wait. Why was it only the three of them?

"Where's Alyssa?" I asked abruptly.

It seemed to catch Missy and Brandon off guard, but Farkle still seemed unfazed, shrugging. "She's in her bedroom, I think. Any reason?"

That made this a tad bit easier, at least. "No reason. We just really need to find Lucas. Seriously, have any of you heard from him since he left earlier? This is really important, if it wasn't I probably wouldn't look like such a psychopath right now. Okay?" They all shook their heads slowly, seemingly wary of me. I exhaled impatiently. "Of course, that's what I figured. All right, can one of you guys please text him? It would be best if it was Farkle or Missy, though."

Brandon snickered. "I don't even have his number, Riley."

"Why can't one of you text him?" Missy asked, still seeming rather reluctant to speak to me. She was twirling a strand of her light brown hair around her pointer finger, a dead giveaway that she was freaking out more than she was willing to let on. Her spare hand was resting lightly on her leg, nervously tapping her fingers. That was one of those nervous habits she must have picked up from me.

"She's right," Maya interjected before I could reply. I turned to face her, where she was leaning against the door frame that led into the kitchen. Her arms were crossed, but aside from that, she was completely casual. As if this was only the slightest of dilemmas in our already hectic lives. "It might be best if Huckleberry heard from you. You're a calming influence on him, Riles. Why can't you just call him or something?"

I shook my head. "No."

"What's going on?" Alyssa asked suddenly, practically gliding down the staircase. No wonder Lucas was so intensely infatuated with her. The way she moved resembled a gazelle, softly prancing through fields or something just as beautiful as it was. Meanwhile, I was pretty much the clumsiest person to ever exist. I couldn't even walk across a flat surface without finding something to stumble over, usually my own two feet. "Why are you guys talking about my boyfriend?"

"I wasn't under the impression that we were talking about Cha-"

Leaning over quickly, I covered Maya's mouth with my hand, forcing an awkwardly nervous laugh. If people were looking at me like I was crazy before, they were thinking that I was a total sociopath right about now. Amazing, nothing I like better than judgmental stares from my close friends. "We're talking about Lucas because he's our friend. Isn't that right, guys?"

No one said anything. I could almost make out the distinct noise of crickets chirping softly, emphasizing the painfully awkward silence currently engulfing us. I hesitantly pulled my hand away from Maya's mouth and she scrunched her nose up, apparently in disgust. "You know, there's these two words that go by the names "shut" and "up" that work a lot better than your hand. You should try them sometime."

It was difficult to even try to pay attention to what she was saying. Frustration finally getting the best of me, I tugged my cell phone out of the pocket on my dark purple dress, switching it up and loading up my messages. My finger had just pressed Lucas's name when Maya's phone blared. We all flinched, her loud ringtone breaking into the silence, but adding even more tension to the situation. Alyssa strode over to us while Maya answered the phone.

"Where are you, Huckleberry?" she asked immediately. I turned my own cell phone off, not wanting to risk draining all of the battery just in case I needed it later. Maya pressed her lips together tightly, pushing herself off of the door frame and pacing over to the staircase. She plopped down on the stair closest to the floor, lips still firmly pressed together. She wasn't saying anything; just listening.

I stayed rooted in place, despite the fact that even Farkle went over to the staircase, sitting besides her. The silence was deafening again, almost causing my ears to ring. The volume was so low on Maya's phone that I couldn't even make out what Lucas might be saying, and we certainly weren't getting anything from Maya's side of the conversation, considering the fact that it was nonexistent. Alyssa kept glancing between Maya and I, although she wasn't saying anything, either. It almost looked like she was worried, but it might have just been an act. If you truly cared about someone, why would you cheat on them with a person who might as well be a stranger to you?

Maya pulled her phone away from her ear after a few minutes, silently handing it to Farkle. He seemed shocked, to say the least, but accepted it nonetheless, putting it to his ear. I felt a fresh surge of hope, praying that he might say something that would actually hint at whatever was apparently going on. He was just as silent as Maya had been, though. The only difference was that he was biting his bottom lip.

I gestured for Maya to come over to where I was a couple times, but she either didn't notice or wasn't willing to listen. The thought of walking over there myself and taking the phone away from Farkle did come to mind, but it seemed pointless. It was too rude, and for all I knew, Lucas would just hang up. If he had wanted to speak to me, he would have called me or asked for me. He did neither. So apparently whatever was going on was none of my concern.

"Do you have any idea what's going on?" Brandon asked tentatively, cutting into my thoughts. I shook my head slowly, pointedly keeping my gaze fixated on my two best friends. Both of their expressions were unusually impassive; impossible to decipher. This was expected coming from Maya, but definitely not anticipated coming from Farkle. He had never been greatly skilled at hiding his emotions, even when Charlie had been picking on him back in eighth grade. Maybe spending so much time around my personal bad influences (as in, Maya and Lucas) were finally starting to change him. Huh.

Farkle handed the smartphone back to Maya after a couple minutes. She shut it off, standing up again and sliding it back into the pocket of her jeans, where she almost always kept it. Missy, Brandon and I all watched them intently, patiently waiting for some sort of explanation for whatever that was about. It seemed like we were going to be waiting for a fairly long time.

"What?" Maya pressed after awhile, the irritation clear in her voice.

Missy rolled her eyes. "Tell us what's going on with Lucas. We know it was him you were talking to, you don't give anyone else those nicknames. What happened?"

"Did he really ...?" I asked hesitantly, trailing off. Brandon shot me a confused look, but otherwise stayed quiet, glancing back over at Farkle and Maya.

Farkle bit his bottom lip roughly again. "It's nothing worth talking about, Riley."

My lips parted in shock as I instinctively stumbled towards my two best friends. My pulse was thudding in my veins, but it wasn't because of those cliche feelings I constantly seemed to have around Lucas. This was something else entirely. It almost felt like a strange combination of anxiety and adrenaline. "Of course it's worth talking about. Tell us what's going on. Why did Lucas need to talk to you guys?"

Maya sighed. "Riles, you need to forget about it. It doesn't matter. Can't we just talk about something else?"

"Of course we can't!" I exclaimed, throwing my hands up in agitation. What was going on with these two? We were supposed to be best friends. Didn't friends tell each other things like this? "Not twenty minutes ago you were insisting that Lucas was going to get into a fight with ... someone, Maya. You successfully freaked me out, congrats, but I need to know what happened. Why did he only want to talk to you guys?"

Neither of them answered. I risked a glimpse over at Brandon, Missy, and Alyssa, but they looked just as confused and caught off guard as I felt. My gaze lingered on Alyssa, feeling an unexpected pang of irritation towards her. If she had never decided to have too much fun with Charlie Gardner and end up cheating on her boyfriend, there would be nothing to worry about right now. It felt wrong, looking for reasons to blame other people, but it seemed like that was exactly what I was going to do, anyway. It must be part of being a teenager, along with feeling misunderstood and lots of angst.

I barely stifled a groan of annoyance, impatiently stepping past Maya and Farkle and climbing up the staircase. I didn't pause until I reached the bedroom that Maya and I shared, and even then that was only so I could pull my cell phone out of the pocket on my dress again. Switching it back on, I loaded up Lucas's name in my contacts and hesitantly pressed the 'Call' button, bringing the phone up tom y ear. It took me a minute to realize that my hands were shaking.

One ring.

Two.

Three.

I didn't give up until it hit the tenth ring, the mechanical voicemail machine telling me to leave a message after the beep. Pressing my lips together tightly, I ended the call, tossing the phone on the bed and plopping down besides it. I wasn't sure what I was waiting for. Maybe the slim possibility of him actually calling me back was getting to me. But it might as well be impossible. If Lucas wanted to talk to me, he would have asked for me while he was talking to Maya and Farkle. He didn't, though. All because Maya was wrong this time. It wasn't me he had feelings for. It might have been at one point, there was no other reason to explain the fact that we did date for a pretty long time.

But things change constantly, and apparently now was one of those times.

. . .

Maya never came to bed. Even as I glanced over at the alarm clock on our nightstand, the flashy red numbers telling me that it was currently 1:31 A.M., there was a familiar drone of the television. I figured that everyone was probably still downstairs, watching TV. It really shouldn't come as such a shocker to me. It was summer vacation, after all, and it was typical for teenagers to stay up late during break. That was part of the joy in having time off from school.

Somehow I ended up hovering by the window. It wasn't like the bay window in my bedroom back in New York, or the window in Maya's room, or the window Lucas had when he was staying with Uncle Shawn. It was just your regular window. The curtains were typically drawn to keep the burning sunlight out of the room so we didn't turn into human torches, but it was nighttime now. Moonlight seeped into the room instead of blazing sunlight, faintly illuminating the bed, the nightstand, the beige carpeting, the simplistic walls, even me. I glanced down at myself after awhile, somewhat hesitantly. I was still wearing my purple dress and black ballerina flats. I could just barely make out the silver chain hanging from the dress, a good majority of the necklace tucked under my dress.

It was something I tried not to wear as much after everything came crashing down the first time a couple months ago. Still, yesterday had been different, somehow. I wasn't sure how but I ended up putting it on before I went to the cafe with Josh.

The necklace had been a gift from Lucas when around the time we we getting accustomed to high school, being freshmen and all. It had been three months since we had officially started dating, and he wanted to give me something to celebrate the occasion. I remembered feeling like a total fool, considering the fact that it had completely slipped my mind. In my defense, however, my dad had just gotten a real kick out of swamping all of his students with loads of homework. Including his won daughter. It was downright shameful.

Lucas had said that it wasn't a big deal - he had just seen the necklace at the store one day and wanted to get it to me. He reluctantly admitted that he had bought it a few weeks beforehand and had just been waiting for a reason to give it to me. Maya had lots of fun teasing him over that.

I unlatched the necklace, holding it in front of me and in the midst of the faint moonlight so I could get a better look at it. There was a small, R-shaped pendant hanging from the chain, just as silver and shiny as it was the day he gave it to me. It felt weird to be looking at it like this. Despite the fact that I had brought it along for the little vacation, I had typically tried to avoid looking at it ever since the breakup. Even when I was putting it on today, I had barely paid any attention to it.

It wasn't something that I wore a lot anymore. Usually it only hung from my neck when I felt like the day was going to be extra-difficult. Yesterday had been one of those days.

My eyes involuntarily darted out to where my cell phone was resting on my pillow. I had called about a dozen times after the first time, but he still wasn't answering. The last time I had called, which had been about fifteen minutes ago, something inside of me had finally snapped. I ended up leaving a message, pretty much just telling him that I needed to talk to him about something extremely important.

It was downright terrifying, knowing that I would have to explain that to him later on. Originally, when I had been leaving the message the only thing I could think about was how I was tired of keeping all of these things from him. The biggest secret I was keeping from him was, well ...

The fact that I was still kind of, sort of, maybe, definitely in love with him still.

Thinking harder on it, I basically wanted to kick myself in the face. Telling him right now would be a terrible idea. Besides, he still hadn't come back home, obviously. Fortunately, Isabella and Jasper had gone to bed early tonight, Jasper worn out from work and Isabella unwilling to spend time with us if Lucas wasn't around. She had asked me where he was a few hours ago, and I had ended up lying through my teeth, saying that he went to a nearby convenience store to pick up some stuff. She didn't seem to believe me, but interrogating me further translated into spending more time with me, which was something she despised the idea of doing. So she ended up just going to bed.

I strode over to my bed again, snatching my phone up and calling him for what honestly felt like the thousandth time. Truthfully, it was only the fourteenth time. But calling someone fourteen freaking times without them answering once could become a little tiresome after awhile.

It only rang three times now.

"What is it, Riley?" Lucas snapped. I stumbled a couple feet away from my bed, the sheer surprise of him actually picking up this time pretty much knocking the breath out of me. "You've called sixteen times. What's your problem?"

So apparently it had been more times than I previously thought. Well, that's awkwardly. "I-I'm worried about you," I stammered, my nervousness unintentionally getting the best of me. This seemed to be happening a lot lately. "You're supposed to be home by now. Isabella's going to be really upset."

He scoffed. "Yeah, I'm so sure," he mumbled sarcastically. "Maya and Farkle didn't tell you anything, did they? Because I swear-"

"They didn't," I interrupted, toying with a single loose thread on my dress with my other hand. He sounded angry. Not just at me, but everybody. "They didn't tell me a thing. Why is that? Did yo ask them not to tell me anything?"

"Yeah."

He sounded so nonchalant. As if asking my best friends to keep something that was apparently very important from me was really no big deal. "Why would you do that?"

"Because you won't like it when you found out. And if they had told you, I'm sure you would have called about sixteen hundred times instead. Listen, I promise I'll be back before Isabella realizes I'm not there. I'll be back before breakfast, I'm actually on my way right now. But I just need to be alone."

I snatched a random jacket off of the floor, tugging it on without paying any attention to it. "Yeah, fine. I'll talk to you later, then," I mumbled before ending the call. It was probably rude to hang up on him, but that wasn't my concern at the moment. It was ruder to ignore someone when they called you over a dozen times, yet that didn't stop him. It seemed fair enough.

It was occasionally chilly outside in Los Angeles, even in the summertime. Not like New York was in the dead of winter of anything, but cold enough to need a jacket if you were planning on heading outside this late at night.

I dropped my cell phone on the edge of the bed before walking out into the hallway. I only hesitated for the briefest of seconds before stepping down the stairs, walking past Maya, Farkle, Missy and Brandon without saying anything to them, even when Maya asked me where I was going. I silently shut the door behind myself before plopping down on the porch, biting my lower lip nervously.

Lucas and I needed to talk. Even if we did so in the middle of the night.

. . .

 **A/N: Almost four thousand words - this is the longest chapter of anything that I've ever written. :D In other news, we currently have 152 reviews! This is pretty much the most amazing thing ever, thank you guys so much for leaving your thoughts on this story and just reading in general! It means everything to me. You're amazing!**

 **Also, I don't own Girl Meets World. This never fails to puncture my black soul.**


	15. Chapter 15

_"What is something you completely adore?"_

 _Lucas smirked slightly, glancing down at me. We were sitting in my sacred bay window spot, the moonlight casually seeping through. It was about two in the morning on a Saturday night (well, Sunday morning, technically). Despite the fact that it was a weekend, and I was already fifteen, my dad probably would have had two heart attacks and then a stroke if he knew Lucas was in here with me, so we were trying to be as quiet as possible. "You mean, aside from my beautiful girlfriend?"_

 _I playfully smacked his shoulder, shaking my head to myself. "You're cheesy at night, Friar."_

 _He rolled his eyes. "This is what I get for trying to compliment people. Anyway, aside from you, I don't know. Maybe subways. I seem to have good experiences on those things."_

 _"Cheeesyyyy," I singsonged teasingly, the corners of my lips tugging upwards, forming an innocent smile. He didn't say anything, just kind of staring at me. I raised my eyebrows. "Is something wrong?"_

 _"No, just- you're amazing, you know that, don't you?"_

 _I paused before shaking my head again. "Cheesy."_

. . .

"Riley, what the hell are you doing out here?"

I jumped up instinctively, nearly slipping off the porch. Fortunately, I grabbed onto the railing quickly, managing to regain my balance at the last minute. This is what I get for thinking too hard when I was expecting someone. "I need to talk to you."

Lucas pressed his lips together tightly, taking a few seemingly tentative steps towards me. Or maybe he was just walking towards the porch itself. "And apparently it was so important that you couldn't just wait twelve more hours?"

"I've been waiting almost twelve weeks, you know," I said simply, lightly leaning against the railing in case my balance decided to dance around with me again. "So I think it's about time we actually start talking to each other about the huge elephant in the room. Life is too short, I wouldn't want to get hit by a bus without getting to say these things first."

He exhaled almost impatiently. This was already going terribly wrong. "You aren't going to get hit by a bus, Riley. Why can't we just talk about whatever it is tomorrow afternoon? For some strange reason, the concept of discussing our lives in the middle of the night in front of my mother's new house in Los Angeles, where lovely people such as robbers and killers prance around, seems kind of lame to me."

"You're no fun," I muttered, trying to push away some of the tension between us. It didn't work; His expression was just as emotionless and dead as it had been five seconds ago. Although there was one little thing that was different about him. "Why is there a cut on your face?"

Lucas shrugged. "Tripped on the walk home." He had always been a fluent liar. He could trick just about anybody into believing just about anything. It was something he had actually liked about himself, and this was coming from the boy that constantly tore himself apart for everything that he did. It so figured that being oddly talented at lying through his teeth would be the one thing he was proud of about himself. It was almost ironic.

The funny thing, however, was that he could never fool me. Even if he tried his hardest, it was painfully easy to tell when he wasn't saying the truth. Despite how tired I felt, it was still easy to realize when he was lying. The fact that he would lie to me, though, is the one thing that stung the most. "Don't lie, please. Why is there a cut on your face? Are you still bleeding?"

"Let it go, Riley," he mumbled, sounding exasperated. He climbed onto the steps, trying to subtly brush past me. Yeah, I wasn't having that. I reflexively caught onto his wrist, gently pulling him back.

"God, Lucas, you're still bleeding," I said quietly, my eyes widening slightly in surprise. It wasn't a deep cut, nothing that was too serious, but it was still something. And there was blood, which was honestly my worst enemy. Trying to ignore the queasy feeling in my stomach, I tightened my grip on his wrist. Not enough to hurt him, but just enough to keep him from walking away again. "What happened to you?"

He sighed. "Nothing happened, Riley. Let it go, and while you're at it, let me go, too. I just wanna go to bed."

"If you wanted to go to bed, you shouldn't have left like you did," I reminded him bluntly. I hesitantly reached up, gently cupping his cheek with my hand. He flinched, stumbling away from me immediately, yanking his wrist out of my grasp. I swallowed hard. "I want to know what happened to you. Please just tell me."

Lucas groaned quietly, sounding even more exasperated than before. "Why can't you even even consider letting things go, Riley? It isn't your concern. If it was your concern, I would have answered my damn phone when you were practically blowing it up."

I bit my bottom lip hard, trying to keep my expression fairly impassive. Something bad must have happened if he was acting out like this. "Lucas, of course this is my concern. You're bleeding, and you're still one of my friends. Can't you just tell me what's going on?"

He shook his head quickly. "No, I won't tell you what's going on. This isn't any of your business, Riley. You might say we're still friends, but neither of us act like it anymore. The last time we acted like friends, people who actually care about each other, was a couple weeks before our freaking breakup."

"And whose fault is that?" I hissed, taking a few steps away from him. "I wasn't the one that was practically trying to get thrown out of school. That was you, Lucas. You were the one getting into fights every week, you were the one that always reeked of cigarette smoke, you were the one that had no problem treating all of our teachers, even my dad, like roadkill. Not me. You changed. I didn't."

He snickered humorlessly. That was always another bad sign when it came to Lucas Friar. "You aren't getting it, are you? You're supposed to be smarter than this, Riley, but apparently you aren't. Or at least, you aren't very intuitive. Not when it comes to me."

"Will you stop acting so cryptic and just tell me what the hell your problem is?" I snapped. I rarely cursed, it was the kind of thing that usually made me feel like I had just lit a crate full of tiny puppies on fire. It seemed so wrong to me. But hey, desperate times call for desperate measures.

Then again, that's what I thought when I ended my relationship with him. Maybe that wasn't the greatest saying to go by.

"My problem is the fact that no one ever understands anything. Not even you, Riley. You're supposed to be the girl that sees the best in everyone, but even you were giving up on me. I've always been a lost cause to people, maybe I was stupid enough to think that you might be different. You aren't different at all, though. You're exactly like everyone else."

"Who's 'everyone else'?" I quoted, an unexpected edge to my words. This was how our fights always started. Neither of us could shut up when we were angry at the other. It was no surprise that we ended up splitting up. Maybe it had been inevitable all along.

Lucas rolled his eyes. Impatient boy, wasn't he? "My mother, my so-called father, Aunt Rachel, Maya, Farkle, Missy, need I go on? Everybody is too caught up in their own problems to ever notice when someone is spiraling out of control. That person spiraling out of control, slowly losing all motivation for everything, could end up getting into a dozen different fights over pointless topics and they still never notice. That person could start using cigarettes every single day and they still wouldn't notice. No one ever notices until it's too late. I guess I was hoping it wouldn't be that way with you."

My stomach felt queasier than before, but for a different reason now. "What are you talking about? Until it's too late for what?" Even though I was pretty sure I knew what he was talking about, the question still needed to be asked.

"Until that person finally gives up. On everything, on everyone. Suddenly, nothing matters anymore. Their longtime girlfriend breaks up with them one day and all of their old friends drift away from them because they're the one that messed things up, certainly not her. Smoking becomes irrelevant, it was only to get the ex-girlfriend's attention, anyway. But still, nothing matters." Lucas paused, smiling without any emotion. Another terrible sign. "You know, not a single person ever asked me if I was okay. Not even you."

It felt like a blow to the head. Or possibly worse. "Yes, I did," I insisted, although my voice cracked. Sometimes I could pull off a fairly acceptable lie when it came to other people, but Lucas had always been an exception to that. My voice had the unfortunate habit of cracking whenever I even attempted to lie to him.

Could what he was saying actually have some truth to it? It seemed completely unreal to me. I was always asking people if they were all right. It was one of my favorite things to do, truthfully. So there was no way I could have forgotten to ask him how he was doing throughout that entire mess a couple months ago. It was totally impossible.

But, looking back on it right now, it started to seem slightly less impossible. I had always been so irritated with him for getting into all of those fights and smoking so much, and with good reason. He could have seriously hurt himself. That was something that none of us wanted, even now. I had consistently tried talking some sense to him, always trying to get him to listen to reason. I went on and on about how risky it was to smoke, especially since he was under eighteen still, and how pointless it was to keep getting into those stupid fights every week. He couldn't always come out unscratched.

No. There had to be one time where I asked him if he was okay.

"You're wrong," I tried again, my voice fortunately coming out stronger this time. "How can you even say that?"

Lucas laughed dryly. "I can say it because it's the truth, Riley. You know what else is the truth?" I shook my head, still trying to comprehend what he was saying. "How completely ironic your rants about smoking so much were. Trying to get your attention was far more addictive than any cigarette."

I blinked slowly. It felt like my mind was completely paralyzed, too frozen to understand the words he was saying. "So what does this even mean?" I finally blurted, tired of trying to comprehend something so confusing. I could probably get away with blaming sleep deprivation, but admittedly, it was most likely because I had never been too skilled at dealing with heaps of new information piled on me like this. Especially if it had something to do with a certain cowboy from Austin, Texas.

"It means that I needed you to ask me if I was okay," he said quietly. His expression was still blank, but at least the scratch had stopped bleeding. "I thought you would have seen how screwed up I had become, even before all of the fighting and crap. But I guess that's just not possible, right?" His tone was unexpectedly softer now, catching me off guard even more. Lucas hesitated, keeping his eyes locked on mine rather reluctantly before striding towards the front door. His hand had just lightly gripped the doorknob when something inside of me finally snapped.

Holding everything inside had done nothing to help my situation earlier. Telling Maya had been the right thing to do, she had understood completely. We had even grown a little closer. So maybe telling Lucas the things running through my mind nowadays wouldn't be the worst idea in the world.

"I still love you." The words slipped off of the tip of my tongue without any permission. This wasn't how I had planned on saying this to him. This was the sort of information you needed to ease a person into, so that way they wouldn't feel like an oblivious, stumbling fool. Pretty much how I was still feeling right now because of everything he just confessed to me.

He hesitated again, obviously hearing what I had thoughtlessly said, before slowly shaking his head to himself. He twisted the doorknob and stepped inside, shutting the door behind himself without bothering to say a single word.

If I had felt paralyzed before, it was nothing compared to how hopeless I felt now.

I leaned against the railing again, slowly sinking down to the floor and quickly trying to take a deep breath. It felt like something had punctured my lungs, making it painfully impossible to breathe, on matter how many deep breaths I took. It was warm outside, making the heavy jacket I was wearing pretty useless, but that didn't matter at all. My main concern at the moment was making sure there was air in my lungs. Maybe it was the type of thing I was doing because of instinct, because it was suddenly easier to understand what Lucas had been telling me earlier.

Everything had become pointless to me right now. There was a strange pounding in my head, and it took me longer than usual to realize that it was because I had a headache. That didn't matter, either.

I wasn't sure how long I sat there, blankly staring at the sky. It was impossible to see any stars in Los Angeles, just like it was impossible to do so in New York City. That didn't matter either, though. The sky was pitch black, not a single cloud in sight. The moon was still as bright as it had been before, but it didn't fascinate me anymore. There was a bitter feeling filling me up inside.

It made me feel like the dictionary definition of "miserable."

Feeling self-pity was something I had always loathed. Why sit around feeling sorry for yourself when you could go out and change your history? It was probably something I had picked up from one of my father's seemingly endless life lessons. But it was hard to believe that my dad could come pu with any kind of solution with this problem.

Maya had been right. Some things cannot be fixed.

. . .

 **A/N: Sorry for how short this chapter is! I kind of ran out of inspiration at the end. Nonetheless, I hope you guys liked it! Feel free to leave your thoughts on this chapter, it's still really awesome to hear from you guys. (:**

 **Also, I still do not own Girl Meets World. If I did, Rucas would be canon. That is all.**


	16. Chapter 16

You can't keep holding on forever. Somewhere along the way, you need to know how to let go.

It was the morning after the little incident with Lucas outside Jasper and Isabella's house. Maya had ended up dragging me back inside about half an hour later. She didn't ask me what had happened and I didn't plan on telling her just yet. She might be my best friend, but sometimes it feels better to keep things inside for awhile. At least, until you can understand them better. You can't always grow with everyone's help. Every once in awhile you have to grow on your own.

"Morning, Riley," Farkle said, breaking me out of my thoughts. Needless to say, I didn't sleep so well last night. I mean, sure, I usually had a lot of trouble sleeping. That just came along with being your typical teenager. It was expected. But last night was different somehow. It wasn't because my thoughts were too loud for my liking. There was something entirely different about last night.

It was almost like I didn't want to sleep. There was so much I wanted to think about, finally getting some of the answers I had been wanting these past couple months. Not only that, I had decisions that I needed to make. I couldn't sit around moping for the rest of my life. That wasn't how my parents had raised me.

It was okay to not be okay. My dad had drilled that into my head before I was eight years old. What wasn't okay was waiting around for other people to improve your life - something that both of my parents had taught me almost obsessively. We all have one life. It makes no sense to sit around, waiting for another person to fix everything that was blowing up. We all have our own individual problems, but at the same time, it's our choice whether or not we decide to try to change the things that are bothering us.

When it came to relationships, there were always two option; holding on or letting go. Neither option sounded exactly delightful at the moment, but it was a choice I had to make eventually. I had tried doing both for so long, which didn't get either of us anymore. It only made things hurt worse.

"Good morning," I mumbled after awhile, sounding just as distracted as I felt. Maya said she was convinced Lucas still had feelings for me. Personally, I didn't believe it. If he did, I sincerely doubt he would have walked away without even bothering to look back. Especially after the four words I so thoughtlessly blurted out to him last night.

It was a difficult thing to discover that someone not saying that they loved you back was the most painful obstacle that could ever be thrown in your path. All these bitter thoughts you try so hard to push out of your mind decide to randomly pop up and basically destroy everything you thought you knew. It's the kind of thing that takes a long time to recover from. Maybe that was why I suddenly chose to make a stand in my own life - it can knock some sense into a person, at least.

(It can also shatter their freaking heart and soul, but that was something that didn't need to be mentioned right now.)

"Where's Huckleberry?" Maya asked after a couple minutes of silence. It was only Farkle, Maya and I in the kitchen. Missy and Brandon weren't even present, for reasons currently unknown. Alyssa wasn't here, either, but I sort of expected that much. It wasn't like she came around for every meal, anyway.

Farkle shrugged. "Not sure. He wasn't there when I woke up this morning."

The kitchen door swung open, catching all three of us off guard. In fact, Maya nearly dropped her glass of milk. And me, the emotionless robot, probably looked like I was about to go into shock. Fun.

Isabella was standing on the other end, her lips pressed together tightly and eyebrows furrowed. This was never a good sign. This was pretty much Isabella's 'angry look,' which every parent seemed to have their own unique version of. "Your trip is being cut short."

Maya, who had been leaning against the fridge, stepped towards the counter where Farkle and I were sitting, setting her fragile glass of milk down. "What are you talking about? We're supposed to stay out here for a couple more weeks."

"Not anymore. Lucas came to talk to me earlier this morning. He said he wants to go home in a few days, and there's no reason why I should continue to let you people stay here if my son isn't going to be here."

Okay, so that caught my attention a little more. If I looked like I was going into shock before, it was definitely worse now. Probably embarrassingly worse, actually. "What are you talking about? Why would Lucas want to go home suddenly?"

Isabella crossed her arms almost defensively before shrugging. "Not a clue. Why don't you ask him?"

I could think up a very long list of reasons why I wasn't excited about asking Lucas Friar anything right now. I chewed on my bottom lip thoughtfully, not even bothering to glance over at Maya and Farkle. They were both talking under their breath, probably already coming up with theories over Lucas wanting to go home out of nowhere. They still knew more than I did about whatever he did last night, so they most likely had a better grasp on the situation.

After a moment something inside of me snapped. Lightly brushing past Isabella, I headed towards the front door quickly.

There were a couple traits I had picked up from my parents. Determination, persistence in general, patience, and of course, a twisted need to fix everything. Combining all of those things most likely sounded impossible, but it wasn't, really. Besides, it came in handy throughout situations like this one.

It was time to finally take control of my own life.

I pulled the front door open almost violently, my latest burst of determination clearly getting the better of me. I stumbled back a couple feet when I saw Lucas hesitating on the other side, his eyes locked on his cell phone. He glanced up rather reluctantly when the door opened, his expression falling into its typical blank state when he realized it was me. "Oh. Hi. I'm guessing my mother decided to tell you guys about my little decision?"

I nodded. "Yeah, she did. Why would you want to go home suddenly? California is a great place, and you were talking about needing a break from New York City since freshman year."

Lucas exhaled somewhat impatiently, leaning against the door frame after a few seconds. "I don't know. California is more annoying to me than New York. Besides, I typically tend to encounter less cheating assholes in New York City."

So he did overhear my conversation with Maya about Charlie. "Technically, we met Charlie and Alyssa in New York," I explained hesitantly. "So that isn't the total truth. They just never decided to do anything until we were out here, that's all. But there is a difference."

Lucas stared at me blankly, his eyebrows raising in the slightest bit of surprise. "You're honestly talking to me about this right now?"

"I guess that I am."

"How did you know I knew?"

I shrugged simply, making sure to keep my expression fairly impassive. "Lucky guess, and you've always been a bit of an eavesdropped, haven't you, darling?" I asked, forcing a small smile. He didn't say anything to me, keeping his piercing green on fixated on me. The silence wasn't deafening, like it usually was. It was shockingly calm - almost like we were both about to come to some kind of understanding.

After awhile, I decided that it was time to speak up and say something. "I know you heard what I said last night."

"You just keep getting better and better at guessing things, don't you, sunshine?" he asked softly before biting down roughly on his bottom lip. If he kept biting down so hard, he was going to end up hurting himself sooner or later. "Why are you bringing this up?"

I raised a single eyebrow. "Why aren't you? I meant what I said, Lucas. You shouldn't have walked away like this. Even if you didn't feel the same way anymore, you could have told me. Don't you think I might deserve that much? We're supposed to be friends still."

Lucas chuckled humorlessly. "You keep bringing that up, but I never once said that we were still going to be friends after our breakup. You did, it was your suggestion, Riley. Typically, when people decide I'm not worth dealing with anymore I try to distance myself from them."

"Breaking up with someone doesn't mean you don't want to deal with them anymore," I announced, trying to keep my tone light. There was nothing to be worried about around him anymore, at least. Everything was finally out in the open. Despite how hurtful it was when he walked away, there was no way I was going to let that define me anymore. It wasn't fair to myself. "We were friends before we got together, too, you know."

Lucas pressed his lips together tightly. "I always figured we sort of had an unofficial thing going."

I laughed in spite of myself. "Like you and Alyssa? That wasn't what was going on between us, Lucas. We were best friends. That's all we were. Nothing more, nothing less."

"Best friends kiss each other, then?"

Well, dang. He had me there. "That's different," I said, sounding somewhat indignant. "But we had no unofficial thing. We weren't anything like you and Alyssa. But maybe that's the kind of thing you want, right? Something completely unofficial. No commitment, just somebody you can make out with every once in awhile. That's really classy, Lucas. Honestly."

"Oh, give me a break," he snapped. "I dated you for two years, Riley. That isn't some small deal to me. If all I wanted was something completely unofficial, do you seriously think I would have dated you for so long? That was never what I wanted. It still isn't. But whatever you want to think, go ahead. I suppose it doesn't matter anymore."

"Of course it matters, Lucas!" My voice sounded almost strangled from the pure shock over his little comment. What was going on with this boy? "It matters too much, but it still matters nonetheless. I just want an actual response from you."

"For what?"

"For what I told you last night!" Needless to say, he was finally starting to get on my nerves. Even I could only take so much before I finally snapped. This had been coming for a long time, though. "I told you that I still-" I cut myself off, taking a subtle deep breath. This was harder than I had thought it would be.

Lucas stayed silent, still chewing on his lower lip harshly. Neither of us spoke now, my eyes darting around the room almost nervously. It was getting harder and harder to keep myself somewhat sane right now. He had to know what he was doing to me, and he had to know how badly it was hurting me. I understood that he was also going through his own issues, probably even worse than mine, but that didn't make it perfectly acceptable to do this. If he didn't care about me in that way anymore, I could learn how to live with that. It wouldn't be his fault. But constantly sending me all these mixed signals wasn't okay at all.

I heard faint footsteps approaching us and I took another deep breath, straightening my posture. Although I had told Maya almost everything last night, and I'm sure she had told Farkle (those two had no secrets from each other), they shouldn't worry about any of this. It wasn't their problem. This was something that Lucas and I needed to deal with. It wouldn't be fair to bring them along for this ride. It wasn't going to be fun at all.

"Josh texted and said he's coming to say goodbye in a few minutes," Maya told us. She seemed cautious, fleetingly glancing between Lucas and I, but she continued nonetheless. "Apparently he wants to go back home and actually have a life. Shocker."

I laughed lightly, although it sounded forced to my own ears. I couldn't help but hope that no one else would catch on. Especially Lucas. "Yeah, that's understandable. Does he know that we're heading back to New York in a couple days?"

Maya shook her head. "Nah. Figured I would wait until it was totally final before I started blabbing to people about it." Her eyes were locked on Lucas now, her expression a mixture of annoyance and hesitation. The second one was rather strange, coming from Maya. She was never hesitant about anything. That's what made her one of the most fearless people I had ever met. "Something wrong, Huckleberry?"

Lucas chuckled bleakly. "Of course not."

"You might want to take better care of that gash on your face," Farkle suggested lightly, gesturing to Lucas with his hand. "It looks pretty bad. You don't want it to get infected, do you?"

Maya paused, seemingly contemplating something between standing up a little straighter, fiddling with her fingers. "Yeah, well, that's what you get for getting into fights with Charlie Gardner. I thought you were trying to get better control of those anger issues you've got, Ranger Rick."

So I had been right. This was the first time in my entire life I despised being right. "Why would you get into a fight with Charlie?" I hissed, my words coming out with more venom than I had intended. I was feeling too numb to even care. "Are you trying to get yourself thrown in juvy?"

Lucas smirked. "Sure, why not? It seems like fun. It'll be really interesting to see that on my record later in life, too. Who needs college, anyway?"

I couldn't think of anything to say then. Maya ended up latching onto Farkle's hand, tugging him out the front door and shutting it behind herself. I supposed she was waiting for Joshua to arrive so they could say goodbye. My mind was basically screaming at me, telling me to follow them, but it felt like I was paralyzed. This had been happening a lot lately. That was beginning to get on my nerves, as well.

"Are you out of your mind?" I finally managed to choke out. My voice sounded less strangled now, more annoyed. It was as if all of this irritation I had been holding inside for the past couple months was finally coming out. I wasn't too sure how I felt about that. "This isn't some funny joke, Lucas. It's a really big deal. You shouldn't be doing these things. I get it if you're upset over the whole Charlie and Alyssa thing, it's terrible, but that's no reason to do this."

"Do what?"

He was out of his mind. There was no question about it anymore. "Try to get yourself in trouble! You're supposed to be better than this. You tried so hard once we reached high school, you improved your grades and you changed, Lucas. Why are you falling back into this hole again? This isn't you at all."

"You should go tell Joshua goodbye," he said, abruptly changing the subject. "He's going to be here soon, isn't he?"

"But he isn't here yet. And since he isn't here now, this conversation is definitely not over," I said calmly. Lucas rolled his eyes before turning around, already heading towards the staircase. I quickly followed after him, my frustration fueling everything that I said and did now. This probably wasn't going to be good. "Lucas, why can't you just give me some answers? We've known each other for a pretty long time. We should tell each other the truth about this kind of stuff."

He just kept walking, not bothering to stop until we were right outside of the room he shared with Farkle. He spun around so we were currently facing each other, seeming somewhat reluctant. "Okay, fine. You want answers?"

"You think?" So much for being nice.

Lucas laughed without humor. "All right. My problem is that, yeah, I do still have feelings for you. I didn't pick a fight with Charlie because of Alyssa," he practically spat, sounding a hundred times more venomous than me. "It was never Alyssa, Riley, why are you so blind? Why can't you see this?"

"Mixed signals, perhaps?" For someone who was having a lot of trouble breathing steadily right now, I sure sounded normal. It was like we were having a boring conversation about the weather instead of talking to each other about these feelings. Maybe Maya was rubbing off on me, after all.

Lucas rolled his eyes again. He seemed to be doing that a lot recently. "I wasn't about to act like the pathetic ex-boyfriend that couldn't possibly consider moving on from you. I have to protect myself somehow, don't you think? Besides, I like to believe I'm permitted to a little dignity."

I paused for a long moment. Things were getting more and more confusing the older that we got. Or, rephrasing it, Lucas Friar was becoming more and more confusing the older he was. Maybe just to me, though. Maya, Missy, and Farkle didn't seem to have any troubles with understanding him. "What are you talking about?"

"You broke up with me, sunshine. Not the other way around," he reminded me quietly.

I blinked slowly. "Well, yeah, okay. I ended our relationship, but it wasn't like there wasn't any reason for it. You were pretty much throwing yourself into your own personal black hole, and there was nothing I could do to stop you, no matter how often I tried to change your mind about what you were doing."

"You make your choices, Riley, and I make mine. Isn't that how life works?"

"Yes, it is, but you were hurting yourself with the choices you were making." Not that I was one to talk. I ended up hurting myself with the choice to end our relationship, but that wasn't exactly the point here. "I guess I was just hoping that I could get you to see some sense if-"

"If you broke up with me," he finished, his tone emotionless again. "Nice idea, sunshine. Apparently it didn't work, though."

"Apparently it did not," I agreed quietly, my voice coming out shakier than I liked. It was too unfair, how easily he could make me feel nervous. It wasn't like this kind of thing ever happened to him. "So where does this leave us?"

"Riley?"

Lucas smiled blandly, glancing over at the staircase fleetingly before looking back over at me. "You should say goodbye to Josh. We can talk about this later."

He sounded sincere, at least. "All right," I said hesitantly. Hopefully he knew that I wasn't going to let this go, even if he chose to pretend that none of this ever happened. "We still have a lot to discuss."

"I know."

"Riley?!" Joshua called again, sounding slightly more agitated this time. He was an impatient little college student.

I rolled my eyes to myself. "Coming!" I yelled back, flashing Lucas another tentative look before heading down the stairs, taking another deep breath.

Things were changing again. I wasn't too certain how I felt about that, either.

. . .

 **A/N: Hey, guys! Thank you so much for all of your incredible reviews! It really means a lot to me. So, a couple questions for you guys - what are your thoughts on Lucas and Riley's conversation? She's sticking up for herself, and Lucas is finally opening up to her. (: Also, what do you think about the whole Lucas and Charlie situation? I promise you'll be getting more details on that (and everything, pretty much) soon. Thank you so much for reading!**

 **Also, I don't own Girl Meets World. I cry over this every night. Siiigh.**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Hey, guys! I'm really sad to say this, but this is officially the final chapter of "Drive." Please read the author's note at the bottom, and thanks for reading!**

. . .

Home seemed like such a weird thought. There were plenty of things that had happened in California, and a good majority of them hadn't exactly been good. Everything had come crashing down and built itself back up within days.

Still, as I walked into my New York apartment, the only place I could call "home" that wasn't a person, it felt less relieving and more nostalgic. Things seemed to be looking up now, which was a great sign and everything, but it was still strangely difficult to feel excited about this. Things were the same way they always were around here. My little brother was running around, hyper over some television show he was apparently obsessed with, and my parents were teasingly bickering over something I couldn't bring myself to care about. It all seemed bland somehow, compared to the hustle and bustle of Los Angeles. And don't get me wrong, New York City was a huge city, most likely even bigger than L.A. But I had grown up here. I knew this part of town better than I knew the back of my hand, and the same thing applied to our apartment. Although I was most likely the only person in the world that felt this way, the Big Apple suddenly seemed very boring and dull.

I mumbled a lame excuse about needing to get some rest because I still felt a little jet lagged (despite the fact that I had already been home for the past few hours), darting into my bedroom and quietly shutting the door behind myself. My bay window was locked, which was a first. The logical part of my mind insisted that I needed to unlock it in case Maya and Farkle decided to stop by, but it seemed rather pointless right now. There was too much I needed to think about. Maybe I just needed to be alone for awhile.

My thoughts drifted towards Missy. The girl who was still one of my closest friends, especially after the issues we resolved with each other a few days before we headed back home.

. . .

 _I had just said goodbye to my Uncle Josh. Apparently during his little visit he had realized that Maya really did only think of him as a close friend. He wasn't feeling too fantastic over the realization, but he promised me that he would be all right. There was girl who had some of the same classes with him in NYU, and she had been flirting with him since his very first day there. She was a sweet girl, and he thought he was finally ready to give someone else a real chance now that he had some closure over the situation with my best friend._

 _Needless to say, I was pretty freaking ecstatic. He had made some playful remarks about my friendship with Lucas, but they were easier to brush off than they normally were. Maybe he wasn't the only person getting some closure around here._

 _Missy had come stumbling down the stairs, mumbling something about being pretty ecstatic over the fact that we were going back home soon, probably because she wouldn't have to room with Alyssa anymore. Being the klutz that I was, I ended up bumping into her while she was walking. Things had been rather awkward at first - I had caused her to almost rip her Twilight book in half, the spine already so busted that it was a miracle the pages hadn't started falling out yet. Weirdly enough, we ended up bonding over that. She mentioned something about how Brandon wasn't as great as she thought he was (apparently he had the talent of going on and on about himself, something I had never caught onto but was painfully true). And it was like we never even had any conflict._

 _Alyssa was the only complication any of us really had. She wouldn't speak to any of us, despite our halfhearted attempts, and her face flushed bright red whenever someone said anything to her. I was guessing this meant she wasn't planning on getting caught cheating. She and Lucas couldn't even look at each other anymore, and Maya had fleetingly mentioned that she overheard them officially end their unofficial thing._

 _It was terribly wrong that I felt so ecstatic over this._

 _The issues between Lucas and his mother still weren't sorted out, although he did seem to be getting along better with Brandon and Jasper. Isabella had been somewhat reluctant and hesitant while saying goodbye to him at L.A.X, but on the brighter side, Lucas and Brandon ended up exchanging phone numbers and promising to talk soon. More proof that you didn't have to share DNA to be like family, even if it took a long time still._

 _No one was sure what was going on between Lucas and I. Truthfully, even we didn't know what was going on with each other. We sat besides each other on the airplane, Missy sitting on my other side, but it didn't feel like we were acting like more than friends again. We all talked to each other like best friends normally would. I wasn't certain whether that was a good thing or a bad thing._

 _Then we ended up getting home. Our parents and guardians had all been there to pick us up, aside from Missy's father and stepmother. She ended up catching a ride with Lucas and Rachel so she could get home in time for the latest American Horror Story marathon. Maya nearly had a stroke - it was her favorite program and she hadn't even heard about the marathon. I had never seen her run so fast towards her mother and Shawn before in my entire life._

 _Farkle's parents had been there to pick him up, too, of course. His dad, the man who had paid for our flights to and from California, was still competing with my mom. Apparently that was something they used to do a lot back in middle school. It was funny to watch, especially since my dad and Farkle's mom, Jennifer, were kind of stuck in the middle, dirty looks being shot in their directions every other minute. A few people at the airport actually started to crowd around us, eager to see what was going on. That was pretty much when my mom and Farkle's dad decided they needed to take a couple steps away from each other._

 _Two girls from my high school, Sarah and Darby, had been babysitting my younger brother, Auggie. They had always been students in my dad's history class, but I had never paid too much attention to them before. They seemed really nice, though, and they were friends with two other boys - Yogi (Darby's boyfriend) and Dave (the boy Maya and Farkle had tried to set me up with back in eighth grade). Wishful thinking was getting the best of me again, but -_

 _Well, maybe not just wishful thinking. The idea of my little group with Lucas, Maya, Missy and Farkle actually becoming bigger wasn't quite so frightening. I was always open to making new friends, and these people seemed nice enough. Only tell will tell, though._

 _Lucas and I hadn't spoken to each other since we were on the plane. We didn't even say anything to one another while we were stumbling (well, I was stumbling) through the crowded airport. Alyssa had split off from our group quicker than the others, rushing to catch up to her parents and siblings, already complaining about how horribly lame the trip was, and how it was such a waste of time. This was my first experience that made me realize that not all people are so amazingly good and just a bit misunderstood. That might have been the case with Maya, Lucas, and Missy, but apparently that didn't apply to everyone in the world._

 _Admittedly, it hit me like a blow to the head._

 _. . ._

Tap, tap.

I groaned under my breath, reluctantly lifting my face off of my pillow. I had ended up crashing onto my bed once I walked into my bedroom, and apparently I had ended up dozing off for a little while. At least, it hadn't felt like a really long nap. But a quick glance towards my bay window proved to me that I must have slept much longer than I had originally anticipated - it was already pitch dark outside, making it impossible to see who exactly was knocking on my window. Even the bright city lights were too far away to illuminate anything, and the moon wasn't quite so bright tonight.

Still groaning quietly, I forced myself to climb out of my comfortable bed, tiredly stepping over to my bay window and plopping down in my seat. Yawning softly, I reached over, hesitantly unlocking the window and tugging it open somewhat reluctantly. "Yes?" Considering the fact that this was, after all, New York City, I most likely should have been a tad bit more tentative when it came to opening my window. The lights weren't on in my bedroom, and like I mentioned, it was pitch dark outside. It may not have been my smartest move. But in my weak defense, what kind of psychopathic killer calmly knocks on your window before breaking in and murdering you with a chainsaw?

"Hey, sunshine."

My eyebrows raised in surprise. I had been expecting Maya or Farkle (or, if I'm being totally honest here, a crazy killer but that isn't relevant to the story so carry on). Definitely not Lucas Friar. Anyone but Lucas freaking Friar.

Lucas chuckled softly while I leaned over, switching on the lights in my bedroom. A brief glance at my alarm clock told me that it was currently 2:27 A.M. Wow. So much for a twenty minute nap. "What are you doing here so late at night?"

He smirked. "Well, technically it's actually morning, Riley."

"Not the point. What kind of insane person roams the streets in New York so late at night? Are you trying to get mugged?" It was taking everything in my power to keep my voice so painfully low. The thought of waking up my parents and my little brother was so extremely terrifying that it wasn't even worth thinking about. It wasn't even over the inevitable consequences of my mom and my dad getting angry at me for having a boy in my bedroom so late at night (or early in the morning, since we're seemingly going by technicalities here). If I was being completely honest with myself, it was all because I wanted some time to talk to Lucas alone. Everyone else in my home was fast asleep by now. There was no worries at all, as long as we kept quiet, that is.

I just wanted him to myself for a little while. Was that honestly so terrible?

Lucas laughed again, although fortunately he was staying just as quiet as I was. "Of course not. But don't you think you ought to switch off those lights of yours? I don't exactly want your father to chase after me with your friendly neighborhood ax, thanks anyway."

"But why can't we just-?"

"Riley, it's brighter out here than it probably seems and the fire escape isn't that small. Sit out with me? Just like old times?"

This boy had been wrapped around his finger still. It was too unfair. I reached over again, shutting off my lights and grabbing the familiar leather jacket resting peacefully on the floor, tugging it on somewhat instinctively. I was still dressed in the clothes I was wearing yesterday afternoon, but there was supposed to be an unexpected cold front hitting New York soon and there was no way I was risking getting sick. Besides, the jacket was comfy. Everyone deserved a little comfortable-ness in their lives, right?

I climbed onto the fire escape, silently shutting my window behind myself. "It isn't bright out here at all."

I couldn't practically feel his smirk widen. "I know. So, listen, it was pretty difficult to sleep tonight and I figured I would come and try to talk to you. We both can probably agree that there's a lot of things we still need to talk about before we do anything else, whether it's as friends or maybe something more."

Or maybe something more. I swallowed nervously, risking a quick glimpse in his general direction. It was hard to see him very well in the dim light, but somehow I managed. We were much closer than I had previously thought. Maybe this fire escape wasn't quite as large as he made it out to be. It wasn't like I would know - I was still half-asleep.

But the best things always seemed to happen whenever he visited me while I was still half-asleep. "We can agree on that," I muttered after a moment. Despite the loud honking of the vehicles below us, annoyed over the traffic as they went to work or wherever else they were needed, it felt wrong to speak too loudly. There was a couple people below us yelling at each other, seemingly drunk, so it probably shouldn't feel like such a horrible sin to talk above a simple whisper. But I had always been a little weirdo that way.

Lucas laughed. "I figured as much. So, where do we begin?"

There was one simplistic downside of being half-asleep, though - thoughtless babbling. And lots of it. "It's understandable if maybe something has changed and you don't feel the same way about me that you used to, maybe your feelings aren't as strong-"

"Riley-"

"-or maybe you just kind of like me anymore, maybe it isn't such a huge deal to you nowadays. It would make perfect sense, because we did kind of drift from each other after our breakup-"

"Riley-!"

"-and feelings constantly have the potential to change, over and over again, so you don't have to lei to make me feel better, it's perfectly okay if maybe you don't-"

Lucas exhaled impatiently, gently cupping my face with both of his hands. I could swear that my heart stopped for the briefest of seconds. "Sunshine. Nothing has changed, all right? I told you a long time ago that these feelings for you were never going to change and I meant it."

I swallowed hard. "But-"

"Riley, I love you, okay?" he said slowly, as if he was worried I wouldn't comprehend it if he spoke too fast. Or maybe he just needed a change from our fast-paced conversation thirty or so seconds ago. Whichever made more sense right now, although nothing was making any sense to me at the moment. I blamed the nervousness. "Nothing is ever going to change that."

I smiled slightly. "You sure?"

"Positive."

I paused for a long moment, my eyes darting down to his lips almost instinctively. It was still somewhat difficult to see him very well, but that didn't matter too much. I knew him better than the back of my hand; better than the suddenly drab city; better than the New York apartment where I grew up. When someone begins to feel like your other half, you start feeling like you know them better than anything or anyone, combined. And you're usually right.

The last time we were in a situation vaguely similar to this one, he had ended up making the first move. He had asked me out, he had kissed me. I was fourteen years old then, too incredibly nervous to think straight enough and consider making the first move. But I wasn't the same girl I was back then, and he wasn't the same boy. We had both changed.

But of course, there were a couple things that would never change.

I leaned forward, gently pressing my lips against his and tangling one of my hands in his hair, eyes fluttering shut softly. He seemed hesitant at first, almost caught off guard, but he responded almost instinctively, already deepening the kiss while my lips parted ever so slightly.

The first thing that hadn't changed:

We have grown and evolved - we weren't fourteen and fifteen anymore, but sixteen and seventeen. You can grow up quite a lot in two years. You learn new lessons from the mistakes you make and the people you care about, as well as the new people you meet. You evolve, you start thinking a little differently somewhere along the way. Things that used to seem extremely important to you suddenly don't matter so much, they become things you can live without because after all, they are just things.

The second thing that hadn't changed:

We might have grown, and maybe we even changed a little bit somewhere along the way. But at the end of the day, we were still Lucas Friar and Riley Matthews; Riley Matthews and Lucas Friar. He was still my troublemaker, and I was still his dreamer. That much hadn't changed, thankfully. People grow, but they don't always have to drift away from the ones they love so much.

He ended up breaking the kiss after a couple minutes, already laughing somewhat breathlessly. "By the way," he added softly, lightly pressing his forehead against mine. "I might have borrowed the keys to my Aunt Rachel's car."

I smiled, already knowing where this was going. "Oh?"

"Mhm, and I do always have that license ... you wanna go for a drive?"

My smile widened. "Sure. These roads might finally feel like home to me if I'm with you."

We were going to have more complications in life. That much was agonizingly obvious, even to me. But everybody always had complex situations to deal with; everyone always had something they were cripplingly crestfallen over. But we would still always have each other.

Nothing was ever going to change that.

. . .

 **A/N: And it's over! I know this is kind of abrupt and probably slightly rushed, but I've been running out of inspiration for awhile. Apparently I'm not too good at writing sequels ... but thank you guys so much for reading and always leaving your thoughts and opinions on this story! It means the world to me that there are actually people who care about this fan fiction, and it's literally such an incredible realizations. I can't thank you guys enough for always encouraging me like this. Without you, Troublemaker and Drive would have just been simplistic ideas that I never got around to finishing. Thank you so, so much for everything!**


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